𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ~ 𝒛𝒅𝒉

Chapter Twenty-Two: You can't forget about the rest of the world

You would think that after bawling your eyes out for half an hour straight, you would eventually run out of tears. But no, I've biked all the way home, not a second spent without crying, and the tears still manage to flow like they did when I left Zach behind.

I don't know if I should feel relieved when I arrive home. Because that's the thing. I stopped calling that house my home long time ago, because the person who made it feel like that, left. I don't have a home anymore. And the person who came closest to that feeling, I lost as well.

I throw my bike to the ground, and curse whoever once invented tears. Because as hard as I'm trying to stop, I keep sobbing. I keep hurting.

With shaking hands I unlock the front door, not even able to control my own body anymore. Dad's probably in the living room, lost in his own world, so the chances of him noticing me are rather small. Like they've been for two years.

But today is different. Because as soon as I step one foot on the stairs, I hear somebody entering the hallway.

"Harley?" I freeze as I hear Dad's voice saying my name. "Are you crying?"

An enormous feeling of anger arises in my body as I turn around to face him. "And that you notice?" I snap. It's like two years of frustration leave my body in that one sentence.

Dad clearly seems startled by my words. "What do you mean?"

My blood starts boiling, as I can't keep the words from spilling my mouth. "From everything that has happened to me these past years, this is what you notice? That I'm crying? Why do you care now?" I almost spit out the words.

"I don't understand, little one." I almost choke in my tears when I hear him using the nickname he used to call me. " You know I've always cared."

For years, I've tried justifying Dad's behaviour. He's grieving, he can't help it, he needs time, all that kind of stuff. But I'm done. I stopped justifying my actions, because I caused them all myself, so I might as well do the same with him. Because even though he's hurting, so am I. And I need my dad.

So I continue. "You care? You sure as hell don't act like it."

A shocked expression appears on Dad's face, like he can't believe what I just told him. I know he's been distracted lately, to say the least, but he can't seriously think he's been a good dad to me. I can't even remember the last time we had a normal conversation.

"Harley.." Dad seems to be wanting to say something, but keeps running out of words.

But I know what I want to say. What I've been wanting to say for years. "Have you even noticed what's been going on in life the past years? I quit soccer, the one thing I was good at and made me truly happy, went to more parties you would think exist to get so drunk I couldn't even walk anymore, and hooked up with every guy I met. I built walls around myself and shut everybody out, but did you notice? Of course not, because you don't care!"

Dad slowly puts his hand on his chest, like my words hit him like a bullet, his eyes wide with shock. "Of course I care, Harley. I love you more than anything in this world!" He gulps hard. "I've just had a lot on my mind, and I thought you were happy."

"Happy?" I scoff, a cold laugh leaving my throat. "The last two weeks have been the worst of my life. Somebody filmed me, Dad, and put my entire privacy on the internet. Everywhere I go I get called a slut. I vandalised the car of the person who did, even stole his belongings, got my heart broken by the only person I've let in these past years, but you didn't even notice a thing, because you somehow forgot you have a daughter."

Color drains from Dad's face, as he clutches at his chest and staggers a few steps back. "I had no idea." His voice is nothing more than just a whisper.

"Of course you didn't!" I yell, wiping away tears I didn't even notice falling in the first place. "Because that's how it's been going for the last two years. You're drowning in your own grief, not giving a single damn about me, and you know what, Dad? I'm tired of it."

I pause for a moment, trying to catch my breath, but don't stop. He needs to hear this. "It's been two years, two entire years! I miss Mom too, more than you could ever imagine, but you can't just forget about the rest of the world, and especially your own daughter."

Now Dad's starting to seem desperate. "What do you want me to do?" He's practically begging.

"Just act like a freaking dad!" I scream on top of my lungs, startled by my own voice. "I'm only eighteen, and I need my dad. I need you to text me asking when I'm gonna be home, I need you to ground me when I talk back, for God's sake, I need you to hold me when I lose everybody around me!"

Now I'm not sobbing anymore, I'm bawling my eyes out. "Because that's the thing, Dad. I did not only lose Mom. I lost you as well, and I don't know what hurts more."

Suddenly I can't stand being here any longer. I need to get out. So I run past Dad, open the front door again and leave him behind, shocked and astonished. My whole body's trembling as I start running, my heart aching like a fist is clenching around it, but I keep ignoring Dad's voice calling me.

Now he doesn't get to do this. Now he can't suddenly expect me to listen to him, when all I've been wanting for the past years is for him to listen to me. I'm starting to think it's too late. Too late for Dad, and too late for me.