𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ~ 𝒛𝒅𝒉

Chapter Thirteen: I have to keep my walls up

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Zach and I both jump a little when we hear the sudden voice. But then I see Coach Bowen, and the tension in my body softens. He used to be my coach back when I played in the soccer team, before everything changed, and helped me a lot during that time.

Zach slowly turns his head to me, panic in his eyes, thinking we're about to get busted.

"Relax," I mouth to him. "I got this."

Coach Bowen looks mad at first, but when he sees it's me, his face expression softens as well. "Harley! Haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing?" he asked with a smile.

"Great to run into you again, Coach Bowen. I'm doing fine." I try sounding cheerful and not suspicious at all.

"That's great to hear. But what are you doing here, kiddo? It's football practice right now," he asked friendly.

"I was showing my friend Zach the sport area of the school. You know, the football field, the locker rooms, that stuff. He's new at school and might join the team, right, Zach?" I turn to zach, faking a bright smile.

Zach immediately gets what I'm doing. "Indeed." He grinned. "Nice to meet you, Coach Bowen. I'm Zach Herron."

"Pleasure to meet you, Zach. We're always looking for new players for the team, so you're more than welcome." Coach patted Zach on the shoulder, completely buying our whole story.

Then he looks at me again. "Same goes for you, kiddo. We really miss you at the soccer team, we have lost every single game since you took a break from the team. It is still a break, right? We still need our striker back," Coach asked carefully.

Soccer. I used to love it, and was quite good at it. But then Mom died, and suddenly everything I once adored doing, felt useless. So I quit the team, along with everything else I used to do in my spare time, and replaced it with parties and alcohol, hoping it would numb my heart.

I do miss it. Soccer was my outlet, the thing I really excelled in. Maybe I wanna play again, someday, but it's still too soon now. I don't wanna play a game when Mom's not gonna be cheering next to the field, and Dad's certainly not gonna show up. He's too busy staring out the window.

"I don't know, but I think so," I decide to say, and shrug. "Someday."

"Just take your time, kiddo. I know it's probably still as hard as it was two years ago, so don't pressure yourself." Coach smiled softly, but Zach looks confused at me.

Zach. He doesn't know about Mom, and I wasn't planning on telling him. But looks like he might figure it out soon.

"Thanks, Coach," I answer vaguely, trying to change the subject. "I appreciate it."

"But seriously, kiddo, if you need anything, anything in the world, know I'm here for you. At all times." Now it's mine turn to get patted on the shoulder, a sympathetic smile on Coach's face.

"Thanks Coach," I repeat, forcing a smile. "I'll keep it in mind."

"And for you, Zach, let me know if you're interested in joining the team. You can always watch practice sometime, if you want," Coach told Zach.

"I'll think about it," he smiled.

"Okay, I'm gonna go back to practice, but feel free to show Zach around a little more, Harley. I'll see you around." And then he heads out, and leaves us alone in the locker room.

"Quick," I whisper as soon as Coach is out of sight. "Help me find Jonah's bag. We lost a lot of precious time now."

We both start reaching for every bag we can find, looking for Jonah's phone.

"That was close. I really thought we were busted again." Zach unzipped a backpack. "Luckily you know the guy."

"Yeah, luckily." I have to be careful with what I say now, so he doesn't keep going on about this.

But Zach is Zach, and does it anyway. "I didn't know you played soccer."

"Well, there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me," I tease.

"Why did you quit?"

I freeze. I can't tell him the real reason, because that would result in a whole story that I don't want him to know.

"I don't know. It took up a lot of time, and I wasn't that good." My heart starts beating and my palms are sweaty. He's getting too close now.

"But your coach said you were great. Are you sure there isn't another reason?" Zach stopped digging through the bag and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Zach..," I start sighing, but he continues.

"And he said something about two years ago, what was that about? He looked sad when he said that. Did something happen?" Zach keeps rambling, until I can't take it anymore.

"Could you just stop it, Zach?" I snap, fiercer than I intended. "Have you ever heard about boundaries or crossing lines? I don't wanna talk about this, so could we please just look for the damn phone, and do what we're supposed to?"

A silence arises. Zach looks incredibly hurt, but doesn't say anything, and I instantly regret snapping at him. But I had to. I have to keep my walls up. Because once those are undone, it's over for me. And that can't happen.

"Got it," he eventually whispered, his voice softer than ever, his eyes filled with hurt. "Let's find the phone."

I turn around and start looking through the bags again, as tears burn behind my eyes, wanting to escape so badly. I have to find that phone, because I can't take standing here, with him, any longer. I'll break.

"Found it." I sigh relieved as I hear Zach saying those words. "Let's go," he whispered, as he puts the phone in his pocket and walks out the changing room, without waiting for me or even looking back.

I think I ruined this. But wasn't that what I wanted? Suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.