𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ~ 𝒛𝒅𝒉

Chapter Twenty-Three: It's time to let go

Usually when I run, I know where I'm going. But this time, no option seems like the right one. I'm too ashamed to go to Paige. Too humiliated to go to Zach. Too hurt to go to Mom.

So I let my feet take me to wherever they want to go, to a place where my feelings can disappear, even if it's just for a moment. A tiny, little, small moment. And for some reason, I end up at the lake a little further, where Paige and I used to hide whenever we didn't want to be found. We played here for hours, until our clothes were soaking wet from the water and we couldn't even remember when the sun went down.

I sit down, my creaking footsteps ruining the peaceful silence the lake always seems to carry. Staring over the water, I sink into thoughts, wondering what made me end up here, with the feeling of my whole entire world crumbling down even more than it already did.

That's until someone appears in the corner of my eyes, making me jump from my thoughts. I turn around, and see Paige. Without saying a single word, she sits down next to me, her gaze focused on the water.

It's quiet for a moment. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" I eventually break the silence.

She keeps staring in front of her. "Zach called me. He was upset, telling me about something that happened between you two and you ran away from him, so I figured something was wrong. So I went to your house, expecting to find you, but instead your dad opened the door. He told me a similar story to Zach's. That something happened, and you ran."

She continues. "The only place you could possibly be, besides the ones I already went to, was this one. I know you, Harley. Better than anyone."

I stay silent for a moment, searching for words. "I want to explain everything, but don't know where to start and what to say."

Then suddenly she looks at me, her eyes looking straight into mine. "Zach and your dad already told me. You don't have to say anything. Because right now, you're gonna listen to me."

I'm startled by her voice, which is sounding way fiercer than I've ever heard from her. But before I can respond, she already continues.

"Stop running. From Zach, from your dad, from anyone and all your problems. It's time you face them, instead of avoiding them. Because you want them fixed, right?"

I slowly nod, still shocked. I've never heard Paige like this, but I have a feeling her next words could change everything.

"Then you can't keep running like this, Harley. It's weak, and we all know that's the last thing you are. You are not weak. Never been, and never will."

I open my mouth to say something, but again, she goes on, still looking determined to say her mind. "And I know what you're gonna say. You didn't mean to, it's hard, and all that stuff. But cut the crap, Harley. You can't keep avoiding your problems just because they're hard. You're stronger than that, and you know it."

Paige's words hit hard, but I know I needed to hear them. She's right. All I do is running from everything and everyone, and that's making everything worst. I look down, trying to hide how ashamed I truly feel.

But that's beyond Paige. "Look at me," she demanded, so I do what she says. She takes my shaking hand, offering the stability I so desperately need. "That's not all I want to say."

I force myself to look into her eyes, to face the fear. "Go on," I whisper.

"Stop self-sabotaging. I mean it. Don't shut  Zach out because of an image you created yourself. Change that image. You can't blame him for thinking what you wanted everybody to think. You changed, so tell him. Tell him you're done shutting others out just to protect your heart. Tell him you're ready to tear down your walls and take a risk. Tell him you want things to be different, with him."

Her eyes now soften, as she squeezes my hand. "Because you deserve love, Harley. More than anyone else."

Here, with Paige holding my hand and telling me the truth I desperately needed to hear, I finally realise it. I finally realise what I'm doing, what I've been doing this whole time, is wrong.

I can't blame Jonah. I assumed he knew we weren't serious, but I never communicated like U should've had. I did like Paige said, i broke it off and ran. It's not Jonah's fault, it's mine. Sure, he didn't have to put my privacy on the internet, but I shouldn't have played with his feelings, even though I didn't mean to.

Paige is right. I have to face Zach, and I have to face Dad. But most of all I have to face the fact that Mom is never, ever coming back, and that changed me, it changed who I am. But I can't let that change ruin my trust, my standards, and mostly my chance to love again.

Paige softly smiles now, nudging me in my ribs. "Is that realisation and change I see in your eyes?"

It is, thanks to her. I wanna tell Paige so much, thank her for everything she has done for me, but I can't seem to put it into words. So I wrap my arms around her, hugging her more tightly than ever, and because she's Paige, my best friend, she understands. Words aren't needed.

"Thank you," I whisper, tears rolling down my cheeks, as I bury my face in her neck. "Thank you for this, and for everything."

She slowly breaks free from our hug, putting our foreheads together. "You got this, okay?" She smiled.

It's time to let go. Let go of grudges, because revenge only causes more pain, when what we really need is closure and acceptance. Let go of the walls I've built, because without facing the truth, lies are never gonna go away. Let go of the past, because all what's left is what we have now, and what we'll have in the future.

So I blink all the tears away, and smile. "Yeah. I got this."