His Fling, My Forever

•Chapter 36•

Elara Beck
All I could do was cry.
Nothing was working out.
The bliss had lasted two months and now nothing.

I hadn't heard from Shawn in two weeks.
He hadn't been back to the apartment.
He hadn't text.
Nothing.

I was furious and upset.
I could barely get myself out of bed.
But I had to for Frances.

I hadn't spoken to anyone about it.
Frances and I, we were coping.
On our own.

But it was hard.
It was so hard and I felt lost without Shawn.
But I was too stubborn for my own good and wanted Shawn to apologise and come back to me.
I wasn't going to go begging for him.
But secretly I cried for him to come home every night.
What hurt me the most was seeing the articles about him on social media.
He had been out in bars and pictured with other girls, smiling and laughing.

"Mamma. Mamma." I heard Frances murmur from her high chair and I smiled.
She had said it first just after Shawn had left.
And now she wouldn't stop saying it.
It made me giggle every time she'd say it and id give her a kiss on her head to show she was doing a good job.
"Good job baby."
"Mamma"
"Yes" 
I hoped that she would catch on to words easier now.
But I wasn't telling her to say anything.
She would just pick up sounds.
Which made me laugh as well.
I think she had tried to say Shawn a few times and I thought to myself that I should start calling him 'daddy' infront of her so she doesn't grow up calling her own father just Shawn.

I wished Shawn and I didn't fight.
I wished we could just always be happy with each other and be a team.
But he got so under my skin sometimes and I knew I got under his.
I started to wonder whether he truly wanted to be with me or whether he was just doing it for Frances' sake.
The thought had crossed my mind a few times and it always made me upset to think about.
I loved him.
Truly.
And I hoped with all my heart that he truly loved me too.
Yet sometimes I questioned it, and that wasn't right.

I hated the fact that Frances had already seen us argue multiple times, and it wasn't just like they were petty arguments.
I didn't want her growing up around constant arguments.

Just as I was mixing up Frances' dinner I heard the front door open and my heart skipped.
"Hello?" I shouted as I clipped on Frances' bib and strapped her into her high chair, setting down her Winnie the Pooh plate and cutlery.
"Hi."
I didn't look up.
I just kept setting up the dinner.
"Staying?" I asked.
"Please." Shawn said and I sighed, the tears welling up in my eyes.
"It's nothing fancy. I-I haven't been to the store." I sniffed, picking out another plate from the cupboard.
I spooned some of the casserole I had thrown together onto the plate.
"I'm sure it's perfect."
I turned and looked at him.

He was dressed in a plain white tshirt and jeans.
His hair was perfectly messy and his eyes shone.
He moved his eyes up to meet mine and my tears threatened to spill over.
He looked perfect while I could barely get a hairbrush through my hair or keep my eyes open.

I put all the plates down and put Frances' fork in her hand.
She stared at the cut up pieces of chicken and the veg before kicking her legs, giggling and eating.
Each time a pea would roll off of her plate she would pick it up and move it back on the plate and frown at it.
"Why does she do that?" Shawn asked.
"Do what?" I said, still avoiding his gaze.
"Put it back on the plate."
"Because it's not hygienic to eat it off of the high chair shelf so I I've been teaching her to eat it nicely on the plate." I shrugged and I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye.
"She's smart. She-"
"Mamma."

Shawns head snapped up.
"Good job baby." I giggled and Frances pouted her lips for me to kiss.
"Mamma." She said again and I nodded.
"What the fuck"
"Shawn!"
"Sorry! But w-when did she start talking?" He said and I looked in his eyes.
"The day you left."

For a moment he just sat there and flicked his eyes between Frances and I.
I could tell he didn't know what to say.
Good.
He should feel bad for leaving and not contacting me.

"Elara, I-T-theres nothing I can possibly do to show you how sorry I am." He finally sighed.
"Two weeks."
"I know."
"Not only that but you were out partying and seen leaving with other girls!" I said trying not to raise my voice infront of Frances.
"I can explain!"
"Explain?! You can't have an explanation for that! Wait, come on baby let's go watch Tv." I said as I saw that Frances had finished her food and I didn't want her watching.
I scooped her out of her chair and took her into the living room, placing her on her play mat with her blanket and stuffed animals and switching on the tv which she was glued to within seconds.

I took a deep breath as I walked back into the kitchen, where Shawn was now stood up and pacing up and down. 
"Before we start talking I-I have to tell you something." He said wiping his forehead with his hands.
"What?"
"I'm so so sorry."
"What is it?"
"I slept with someone else."