His Fling, My Forever

•Chapter 32•

Elara Beck
As soon as I got back to Shawns I started to pack.
Elara was sat on her baby mat and I picked up a few of her toys and necessities and placed them in a duffel bag.
The tears had stopped falling now but I was still angry.
I didn't know where I was going to go or what I wanted to do but I knew I couldn't be with him for a few days.
I needed and wanted an apology.
I wanted an explanation of why he thought taking Frances without telling me would be ok.

After I packed the bag I sat infront of Frances who was still on her mat. She had a plastic toy in her mouth and was biting it to death.
"So. We could go to a park? Or maybe a cafe? Or maybe just runaway to Paris?" I said and I couldn't help giggle as Frances looked up at me with her big confused eyes.
She gargled and I shook my head.
"Do you not understand that I'm stressed?"
Frances gargled and laughed and I broke out into laughter myself as I scooped her into my arms.
"What are we going to do aye?"
"So you're leaving?"

I closed my eyes briefly as I sighed.
He had come back sooner than I had thought he was going to.
I swallowed down the tears and pulled Frances into my arms.
"I, we, maybe." I stuttered, wishing I had just been more stern and sure of myself. I pulled Frances little cardigan back onto her arms just so I wouldn't have to look at Shawn, who had shut the door and was now sat in front of us.
He sat cross legged and played with one of Frances' many stuffed animals. I turned Frances in my lap so she was now facing him but her little hands stayed wrapped around my fingers.
I couldn't look at him.
I trained my eyes on the floor in front of me.
"Elara we have to talk. You can't just leave."

Couldn't I?
I could walk away now with Frances and not have to deal with all of this.
The fame and attention, was it really what I wanted for Frances? Is it what I wanted for myself?
Then again there wasn't much I could do now.
I made the decision to have Frances knowing she was Shawn's and I made the decision to tell him and let him into her life.
But it was all the right thing to do.
And I knew I would do it all the same way again if I had to do it over.

"What the fuck was going through your head?" I said, still not lifting my eyes.
"When?"
I looked up at him, my face blank but my eyebrows raised.
"When you left the house, drove to your parents and took Frances with out telling me, to meet someone I don't know at a place I don't know." I said not changing my expression.
He searched my eyes and his lips parted slightly as if he were about to speak but nothing came out.
He looked to the ground and I rolled my eyes.
"Now isn't the time to be silent."
"All I can do is apologise. I wasn't thinking. I was just angry."
"Doesn't give you the right to take her."
"I know. But I did and it's happened so can we just move past it? She didn't get hurt. She's absolutely fine." Shawn said and rolled his eyes.
"That's not the point Shawn. You took her without telling me." I said.
"Stop being dramatic."

I blinked a few times and just stared at him, not knowing why he was acting like this.
It wasn't like him.
He wouldn't say this.
He wouldn't be like it in front of Frances.
I stood up from my place and gently put Frances in her cot and surrounded her with her stuffed animals.
Once I saw her eyes start to flutter I went back to sit with my back against the wall.

"Shawn what's going on. And don't lie to me because I can tell. You're a horrible liar." I sighed.
He rubbed his face with his hands a few times and shook his head.
"Hey" I said and patted the space next to me.
He crawled over and slumped down.
"What's going on?" I asked and placed my hand over his.
He intertwined our fingers and I heard him sigh.
"I miss performing and recording music." He said and I turned my head to face him.
"Then do it."
"And I never wanted to seem selfish because I love Frances and I want to be here and- what did you say?" He said and I couldn't help but smile.
"Then go and do it."
"But, I can't leave you and Frances. I don't want to miss anything." He sighed and I turned to him fully, taking both of his hands in mine.
"I know you love performing Shawn. It's what you do. It's your life and I know that. Frances and I will be absolutely fine."
"I don't want to miss anything."
"Ok. Then don't go back until she's said her first word and taken her first steps." I shrugged and he squeezed my hand.
"That's a good idea. I'm sorry for what I did and being, you know, an asshole." He said and I shrugged again.
"It's fine."

He leaned his head down to mine and our lips met effortlessly in the middle.
Though I was telling him to go I knew deep down that I'd rather him be here.
I'd gotten used to him being around, I don't know how I would cope with not having him around. I don't know how Frances would cope either.
Would she notice?
Would it affect her?
As Shawn pulled away from the kiss, he searched my eyes and I frowned with a small smile.
"What?"
"Come with me."
"Where?" I giggled and he pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.
"On tour. You and Frances. Come with me."