her ocean eyez

chapter 10

"It was nice meeting you, Y/N!" Drew called from the doorway as Zoe waved brightly from over her shoulder.
    "I'll see you guys soon I'm sure!" I called back before sliding into Billie's car. I heard Billie shout a few goodbyes before shutting the door. The car felt strangely quiet in comparison to the hours filled with Zoe, Billie and Drew's shouts. Billie exhaled and looked at me, a bright smile adorning her face. She grabbed the back of my neck and planted a sweet kiss on my lips.
    "What was that for?" I asked.
    She pulled back and put the car in drive. "For making a good impression on my friends."
    I chuckled. "I like them."
    "Me too." She said thoughtfully. "They like you."
    "Wow, I have their stamp of approval." I said sarcastically. She hit me lightly before returning her focus to the road. "Can we get Taco Bell?"
    "Yes. Never a question."
    We got back to her house around the time the sun was setting and I giggled, watching Billie attempt to unlock the front door whilst balancing her taco bell bag in the other hand.
    "Shut up and hold this shit." She said, shoving the bag into my empty hand. She finally got the door open and huffed as she made her way down the hall. "We're home!" She called to no one in particular.
    "How was it?" Maggie was at the computer in the family room.
    "Good!" Billie said, continuing into her room. She sat on the floor and stretched out her arms, grabbing at the air, silently asking for the taco bell bag.  I chuckled and gave it to her before sitting next to her against the wall, my baja blast in hand. She handed me my tacos and pulled out her own burrito. We ate in silence for a little bit until she turned to me excitedly. "Stay the night."
I looked at her, straw in my mouth. "Billie-"
"Or let me go back to your place." She interrupted, continuing before I could respond. "I leave in a week and you leave after that and-"She stopped, looking away.
"And we won't see each other for awhile." I finished. The room settled, the air suddenly heavy.
"What-" She scratched her forehead, refusing to meet my eyeline. "What is gonna happen when I leave?"
"Nothing." She met my gaze. "We keep being us."
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "How?" She stood and walked to the foot of her bed, leaving me on the floor. I watched after her, my brow furrowing.  "Y/N we'll be across the country from each other."
"But that shouldn't matter, dude!" I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up, frustration showing. "I care about you and that's all that should fucking matter." I was silent for a little, before she fell back into the bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't say anything so I stood and laid next to her on the bed. "Billie" I said softly. She wouldn't look at me, her hands balled up at her sides. "What happened last year?"
Her head turned away from me so I was looking at the back of her head. Her voice was small and I'd never really heard her sound so vulnerable before. "I just hated it. Hated what I was doing, hated that I hated it, hated myself." I didn't say anything as she turned back to me, tear tracks on her face. "I missed life and the people I loved, but I felt so shitty because this was supposed to be my dream." She shook her head, looking back at the ceiling and scoffing. "I'm terrified." Her voice wavered. "So fucking terrified for tour." She finished, turning on her side to look at me, her face full of uncertainty.
"I'll be there." I said. "Anyway I can, I'll be there."
She rolled her eyes. "You're on tour."
"Look," I sat up. "We'll look at the dates. See when we're close to each other and-" I rolled over on my stomach, looking up at her. "Facetime. All the time."
She chuckled a little. "Y/N-"
"Stop." I stood, offering a hand to help her up. "It's only two months. Now-" She grabbed my hand and I pulled her up so we were inches from each other. "We have a drive ahead of us and, personally, I'm tired of this gay shit."
She laughed, giving a watery smile. "Me too." She said, biting her lip to conceal a grin.
I kissed her lightly. "Thank God." I breathed light heartedly. "Pack some shit. Imma talk to Maggie." She rolled her eyes as I stepped out of her room. Maggie was on the couch so I joined her.
"Are you excited for your tour?" She asked.
"Yeah!" I leaned forward. "I mean, I've never played venues this big before, so I'm super stoked." I thought for a moment and frowned. "It'll be weird, to be away from Billie."
"She's gonna miss you."
I played with a smile. "I'll be missing her right back." At that moment Billie came out of her bedroom, a backpack in hand. "Ready?"
She grinned. "Ready." She gave her mom a kiss on the cheek and we were out the door, bound for San Clemente, my clunky car barreling down the I-5 South. About halfway through the drive I got my customary lecture on why I should invest in a better car. "You seriously call yourself a rapper when you're driving a 1992 Toyota Corolla" She said my car name with such disdain I couldn't help, but laugh. "Invest in a better car."
"It drives!" I said defensively. "And as far as I'm concerned that is the only necessary criteria for a car."
"But it's ugly as shit."
"Woahhh." I shook my head. "Baggin on my car like that."
She giggled. "It's true." She pointed at the door where the upholstery was peeling. "That is ugly."
"Fine." I sighed dejectedly. "Maybe my car's shit, but I still argue it gets me where I need to be."
Billie shook her head, looking out the window and mumbled to herself, "Dating Billie Eilish and driving this."
I shoved her and scoffed, "You act like dating you is the biggest accomplishment of my life."
"And it's not?" She chuckled.
"You're a bitch."
We pulled up to my place about twenty minutes later, Billie dozing off in the passenger seat, her head resting against the window. I smiled as I leaned over to plant a kiss on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open.
"We're here." I said, moving to get out of the car. She hummed in agreement and stretched a little before making her way out of the car and up the steps of my house. I'd lived on my own for a little over a year which Billie confessed over and over she was jealous of that fact. My house wasn't huge, a small living area, kitchen and a bedroom, on the second floor (the first floor being my garage), but it was a block from the beach and when the windows were open you could hear the waves crashing. The first time I'd invited Billie over was a week after coachella.

"This is your place?" She'd said, walking over to the surfboard in the corner.
I set my keys on the counter and followed her. "Yes ma'am."
She ran her hands along the surfboard in fascination. She turned around and walked into the bedroom. There was a queen size bed in the center of the small space and the only other furniture was a little table with a record player on it. Billie walked over to the wall opposite the door and I watched her eyes scan the music posters on the wall. I looked down at my feet a little. I'd forgotten there was a poster of her latest album among the collection. She pointed at it and turned to me smugly. "Very cute." She teased.
I rolled my eyes. "It's a good album, shut up." She sat on the bed and looked out the window, a view of the ocean could be seen beyond the tops of other beach houses. Her eyes made their way to the stack of skateboards that were leaning against the wall next to the doorframe I was leaning against.
A wide grin appeared. "Teach me to skate." She said eagerly.
I chuckled and moved to join her on the bed. "Sometime, sure."
She looked out the window. "I should break something to you now."
"Um...okay?"
"I hate the beach."
I gasped. "No." I leaned back, my head hitting the pillow as I shook my head. "Nope. I will make you like the beach." I couldn't believe it. "Wow." She laughed a little, my jaw dropping. "Unacceptable, completely."

She sat now, a month later in the same spot on my bed, watching the sunset out my window. I made my way to sit behind her, wrapping my arms around her and resting my chin on her shoulder. I could smell her shampoo and I breathed in the familiar scent as we watched the sun dip below the horizon.
"This is gonna be hard." Billie stated, her voice quiet and reflective.
I sighed in agreement. "Yeah, yeah it is." I kissed her collarbone before returning my chin to her shoulder. We stayed like that for a while, a long time after the sun had gone down before we turned in for the night.
Something I'd noticed: I always slept better when Billie was there