Bullied 2 (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 34

Mom got better again after a few days and me and Harry visited her everyday. But I knew she wouldn´t be completely healthy again. Of course she tried to be strong for me and for my dad, but I knew that she wasn´t alright and I knew that she was in a lot of pain. Mom fighted though, she tried to come out of the hospital but the illness was stronger than she was.

Harry and me visisted her once again and I knew that something was wrong with her. She didn´t talk as much as usual. She could barely keep her eyes open and the doctors said that she should eat something, but she couldn´t. I cried a lot, because I knew it would be one of the last days for her on this earth... I knew that she would die soon. But still, when my dad called me only one day later, that she didn´t make it, I couldn´t believe it. Mom couldn´t be dead.

And here we are, me and Harry, sitting infront of her bed and watching her dead body. But she doesn´t look like she´s dead. Of course, her skin is pale and she feels cold, but she still looks like my mom.

"She´s not dead Harry." I look up at Harry but he lets out a deep breath. Harry presses a kiss on my forehead and squeezes my fingers.

"We have to accept it baby." He whispers and his words bring out the tears from my eyes. I haven´t cried until now, probably because I couldn´t really believe what has happened. But now it seems final. My mom is dead and I have to accept it.

"She is not dead. Look at her." I tell Harry but he shakes his head.

"Please baby." He only whispers and I try to swallow that thing in my throat you get when you´re about to cry, but I´m not able to stop crying.

Dad has left us alone for some minutes so I can say goodbye to her on my own. But I´m glad that Harry came with me. I don´t know what will happen to my dad now. I know that he always tries to be strong, but I can´t imagine him without mom. What is he supposed to do now? He can´t even cook for himself or make his laundry. Does he want to live in our house on his own? Is he going to find another woman again one day? I only wish the best for him, but I can´t really imagine him with someone different than mom.

"Excuse me? I´m sorry to tell you but you have to go outside now." I look up to see a nurse and I nod. Was it the last time I have seen my mom? I press a soft kiss to her now cold cheek.

"I love you so so much. You are so strong and you don´t have to feel guilty for leaving me and dad alone. We can handle this. Thank you for everything, best mom in the world." I whisper in her ear and Harry takes me outside then.

I don´t think I really realized what has happened. I´m sad, but ain´t I supposed to feel different? I should feel a lot of emotions, but instead of that, I feel nothing. It feels like a nightmare, but I can´t wake up.

"Lucy do you and Harry want to come home with me?" My dad asks me. His eyes are red from crying and his voice sounds different than usually but he tries to be strong.

"To be honest I want to go in our flat and have some time for myself but I promise you that we´ll visit you later. Phone me if you need anything." I tell my dad and he softly smiles at me.

"It´s okay. Tell me if you need anything." My dad gives me a short hug and turns to Harry.

"And you, please take care of her." My dad whispers but I still understand what he´s saying. I know that Harry will take care of me, he always does.

After our short drive home, which felt like hours, we´re finally in our flat again and I don´t even make the effort to slip out of my shoes and jacket. I just sit down on the kitchen chair and let out a deep breath. Harry and me didn´t talk on our ride home and I´m glad that he didn´t say anything. I couldn´t have answered.

I feel like hell right now. All I want is to feel anything and I know exactly the way I could feel something again. Yes, sure I still want to be healthy but this is an emergency. Nothing in this world could help me feel something than hurting myself. Hell, I don´t want to do this, I shouldn´t but my mind keeps thinking about it. Those thoughts are even more prominent now than the fact that my mom is dead. I suddenly think about all the things me and my dad have to do like organizing the funeral. I could throw up at the thought of it.

Like in trance I get up from the chair and let my jacket fall to the ground. I don´t really care about anything right now. I didn´t even realize that Harry used to sit next to me. I quickly make my way to the bathroom to get a razor blade. Sure, this is wrong, but feeling something is more important now.

I let myself sink down on the floor and slip the t-shirt up my arms so I have a full view of my wrists. My wrists are almost beautiful, there are not even scars anymore and I suddenly even miss the scars from cutting myself.

I don´t care where Harry is or what he´s going to say about it. Maybe he won´t recognize it, maybe he will. I don´t know and it doesn´t matter. Harry won´t lose me because of that. I will only cut myself one time again, because I want to feel something. After that, everything will be alright again. I slowly slide the blade across my skin and put pressure on it. It doesn´t take long until blood makes it´s way out of my skin. Gosh, I´ve missed this feeling. It hurts but feels so good. Everything what´s inside me, can finally come out.

I take some tissues to wipe off the blood and put the razor blade back in it´s cage. There´s a knock on the bathroom door and of course it´s Harry. I quickly let my t-shirt fall over my wrist so nothing is vissible.

"Yeah?" I say and Harry already opens the door. He steps inside and looks concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asks me and I nod my head. If he knew, what I just have done to myself, he would be much different.

"Yes." I lie but Harry shakes his head.

"Come here." He whispers and he opens his arms so I can step into his hug.

"I know you are very strong and I know that we will handle the situation. It will take some time, but it will be okay." He tells me and I close my eyes to smell his scent.

"I´m so sorry." I whisper in his ear. I´m sorry for hurting myself again and giving up. I probably just did the biggest mistake in my life but I had to do it. I´m sorry for disappointing Harry again. I promised for never hurting myself again and I just broke my promise. I´m such a mess. I don´t deserve Harry, I never did.

"Shhh. You didn´t do anything wrong. You were here for your mom and I know that she´s very proud of you." Harry softly says. Tears are leaving my eyes again. If he knew...

(Hello!

I´m sorry that the story is like that right now but I still hope you like it and vote for it. I know that it took my ages to update and I´m sorry about it. Love you all x)