Bullied 2 (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 43

Two days with doing nothing at all. I just couldn't. Every single second is spend with thinking about Lucy. I couldn't get up to shower, to eat, to help Lucy's dad with arranging the funeral and most of all I couldn't phone Lena and tell her what has happened. Lucy's dad did that for me in the meantime.

I know this is all so damn weak from me. I let Lucy's dad do all the work, although he's the one who's been through so much more than me. Losing his wife and daughter within a few weeks. But he's so much stronger than I am. I admire him, I really do.

Well, at least I gave Lucy's dad the letters Lucy wrote for him and Lena. I couldn't open mine, though. I'm always laying in bed, the letter in my hands, but I couldn't seem to open it and read the words written there. Lucy wrote it while she still was alive. If there's something written I can't handle, I can't turn towards her and ask her for advice.

Some friends from school tried to call me but I couldn't answer. I also got some messages from my family, saying that they were here for me and that I should reach out for them. I really appreciate that, but I would just rather be alone the whole time. There's nothing in this world to fix some pain I'm going trough. Everything that would really help me is being with Lucy again. But this is over. Lucy won't come back but that still won't get in my head.

All the words she said and all the things she did is on repeat in my mind. After all, she was and will be the best girlfriend out there. I will miss every single second with her, including the fighting and all. No one could ever replace her and I seriously can't imagine having a girlfriend one day again and building a family. I can't imagine me being a father without having Lucy by my side. Lucy would have been the perfect mother for my kids.

But no matter what, I can't blame Lucy. It was her decision and I just hope that she's happy now. Wherever she is.

I don't know how much I've cried the past few days and I don't think there are any tears left. I still see her sometimes. She follows me whenever I sleep, god I love sleeping so I don't have to face reality. In my dreams everything is perfect, she's still by my side and everything is like it was before. I hate waking up. Is there a way of sleeping forever? I would do it in a heartbeat.

Sometimes I hear her voices and it scares me to death, because that is not only in my dreams. She says my name and she tells me that everything is alright.

The only person I talked to so far was my sister, Gemma. She's the only one I have told about everything and even though it hurts, I know that Gemma is the only one who's not blaming Lucy.

So many people blame Lucy for everything now. They say that you don't leave the people you love, but that's not the truth. They didn't know about Lucy's and mine relationship and they didn't know what Lucy had to go trough. If they really knew about everything, then they would understand.

I have the urge to finally read Lucy's letter but I'm scared of doing it alone, so I decide to call Gemma. I don't want that she reads it too yet, but I want her being next to me. Gemma promised me that she would come over whenever I would need her. She told me that she talked with her boss and that it was okay for him if she left work for me.

...

It didn't take long for Gemma to come over but I don't know how long exactly, because time didn't really matter for me the last few days. I guess it was almost evening now, because it was getting darker outside and it was starting to rain. I look outside the windows, imagining Lucy laying next to me instead of Gemma. I'm so grateful that Gemma is here for me, I don't think I could handle everything on my own. Gemma did the household for me, she handled everything with the letters I was receiving and the invoices. I guess most of the letters were from people who sent their condolence, but Gemma knew exactly that I didn't want to see or read them.

"Do you need anything?" Gemma suddenly appeares in our bedroom and hands me a cup of tea. I didn't even realize that she disappeared a few minutes ago.

"No, thank you. I really appreciate that you're here for me and do so much for me. I'm so sorry for being such a mess right now." I tell Gemma and she immediatly shakes her head. She crawls in bed next to me and takes my hand in hers.

"You don't need to apologize at all. I just hope that I can help you somehow. Know, that me and also our parents are always here for you." Gemma whispers and I nod. I suddenly have to smile at the mention of my parents. Without Lucy, I probably would have never had the guts to see my dad reguarly again and forget about everything what had had happened. Lucy fixed a lot of things for me, which she wasn't even aware of.

"I know that, thank you. Can you maybe just stay here while I've finished to read the letter, Lucy wrote to me?" I ask her and she nods. I take a deep breath before unfolding the letter, which is in my hands for hours now. The messy but still beautiful handwriting of hers catches my eyes and I immediatly have to smile. I sit up a bit and start reading, Gemma's hand never leaving mine.

"Dear Harry,

I know that this is probably strange for you. Reading something, while knowing that I'm not here anymore. But god, I'm so so proud of you. My one and only.

It 's a very unwelcome feeling of thinking, that you'll have a girlfriend one day again and maybe even set up a family with her. Maybe you'll build a house together, you'll marry her and trust me, you'll be the best father a kid could ever wish for. Those thoughts just brought tears to my eyes, because I always imagined you being the father of my kids. You, being my husband one day. It kind of makes me jealous of your new-future-girlfriend, she will be so happy to have you and I hope she'll make you happpy as well. Because you deserve all the happiness out there. You deserve everything, you never had with me. You deserve the security of knowing, that your girlfriend is happy and that she's not someone who's depressed and thinks about dying.

But please, don't ever forget about me and us. I hope you can forgive me one day and understand, why I've left you. Don't forget about the times we had fun together. Or the times, where we would just lay next to each other, silence surrounding us. But it didn't matter, because everything felt so perfect.

Harrry, I'm so so thankful for everything you've ever done for me. I've had the best time of my life with you. I hope you know, that you've saved me. I love you so so much, forever and always.

Yours,

Lucy."

I close the letter and lay it down next to me. Tears are leaving my eyes and I can't control the sobs leaving my mouth. Gemma takes my head in her hands, softly stroking my skin.

"She was the best, Gemma. She was my girl and no one will ever replace her." I cry out. God, it feels so good to let everything out.

"I know Harry, and no, no one will ever replace her. But as she said, I promise you, that you will be happy again one day. It will be okay. And Lucy is so proud of you and she wants you to be happy, yeah?" Gemma whispers and I nod my head.

"I will keep fighting... for Lucy."