Bullied 2 (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 35

Nothing. Nothing is still everything I feel. My body barely functions anymore. I haven´t eaten in days and I can´t really get some sleep. I just feel so weak but everytime I close my eyes I see my mom and the scars on my wrists. All I can do is sleep for like two hours and then I´m wide awake again.

I haven´t been to school since mom died. Harry or my dad probably called my school but I couldn´t care less about that. Of course I want to get good education, but right now I just wanna be where mom is.

Harry hasn´t noticed that I´ve cutted myself yet. I hope it stays like that and soon enough the scars will disappear again and Harry will never know. Of course, I shouldn´t have secrets infront of him but this is an excused situation, isn´t it?

Harry is the best boyfriend I could wish for. He´s here for me all of the time and he always asks me how I´m feeling and if I need anything. I just don´t really have the strength to lead a proper conversation. I know that I should talk to him but I just can´t. I know that he deserves better for his caring but this is everything I can do. We´ve visited dad every single day and I know that he´s not feeling very well but he tries to be strong. We even have been to that thing where you arrange the funerals but I just stood there and watched them talking about it.

The funeral is tomorrow and I seriously don´t want to go there. I hate funerals... especially if it´s about a family member. And it´s my mom.

I want to say good-bye to her in my way and not around dozens of people who didn´t even know her. Do I have to go that funeral or can I just stay at home? I´m sure dad will be fine without me and I don´t really care what people think of me. My mom just died and I don´t want to watch when they put the coffin, where mom is supposed to be, in that grave.

Harry´s POV

I try so hard to be here for Lucy but she doesn´t even talk to me that much. She barely sleeps and she looks so ill. Her face is pale and she hasen´t eaten for days. I know that it must be horrible for her and I´m so scared that she would do something stupid again.

But I trust her. She would tell me if she would need anything else, right? I trust her for being completely honest to me.

I don´t know how to help her though... I always cook for both of us but she never eats and I can´t force her. I always ask her how she´s doing but she only nods. If I ask her if she needs anything, she just shakes her head.

It´s her mom´s funeral tomorrow and I guess she doesn´t want to go there but we need to.

This world is so cruel. Lucy was happy the last few months so why did this have to happen to her? I don´t get it. Why couldn´t she just be happy for a longer time?

I know that we will do it, though. I will be here for her and she will get better soon. It´ll take some time but she can talk to me and she can go to her therapiest. I´m sure she´ll get better again. She´s in a state that´s completely normal for someone who has just lost their mother.

...

I wake up to the sound of the bedroom door being closed and I immediatly open my eyes and get up. I open the door to see Lucy putting on her jacket and slipping in her shoes. She hasn´t been outside for days. Is it already so late for going to the funeral?

"Where are you going?" I ask her. I´m still half asleep and I´m confused. Lucy hasn´t mentioned going somewhere before. She turns around and her eyes widen. What is happening here?

"Harry... I will just go outside for a walk but I´ll be right back for the funeral. Don´t worry." Lucy tells me. Those are probably the most words she has spoken to me for the last few days. I remember two days ago, when she phoned Lena, she probably talked a bit more. I was glad that she phoned Lena and talked with her, I know that Lena always tries to help her.

"I will go with you." I tell her without thinking about it. No way I´m letting her go alone somewhere. Not in that state she is. Lucy lets out a deep breath and rolls her eyes.

"I will be back soon. I promise you." She says again but I shake my head. I don´t know why but I just have a very bad feeling.

"No Lucy. You either stay here or I will go with you." I tell her in a very serious tone.

"You don´t need to tell me what I´m allowed to do or not. Why don´t you just trust me?" Lucy says a bit louder now and I´m almost shocked at her being so stubborn.

"I do trust you but I worry about you and I just don´t want to let you alone." I say a bit softer now but Lucy is already turning around to open the door. I quickly make a few steps towards her to reach for her wrist. She turns around and glares at me.

"Let me go Harry." She says with tears in her eyes. I just shake my head.

"I won´t let you go Lucy." I whisper.

Lucy tries to let go of my touch but of course she´s too weak, especially in her state. It doesn´t take long for her to realize that and she suddenly starts to cry and sinks down on the floor. She hasn´t been crying that much since her mom died and I immediatly sit next to her and hug her tightly.

"Shhh... It´ll be okay soon. I´m here for you." I try to calm her down but her crying only gets harder. Lucy shakes her head and she bangs her head at the door.

"Don´t do this to yourself." I whsiper and take her head in my hand. Her crying is so hard now that she barely gets air.

"Shhh... don´t forget to breathe." I say as calm as possible even if I worry a lot about her.

"I´m so fucking stupid. I hate myself so much. I just wanna die." Lucy suddenly screams inbetween her crying but she quickly covers her mouth.

"No you don´t want to die." I whisper and I suddenly have to hold back my tears. My love is not allowed to leave me.

"Remember the times where it was all hard as well but you know what? We did it. We did it so well until now. And you know we can do everything. You are so strong. I love you so much." I tell her.

"But I´m not strong anymore. I can´t do this anymore Harry. I don´t want to."

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