LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

XXII

Emerald was woken on her twenty-fourth birthday by Muffin licking her face. The clock on the nightstand read 8:13 AM, and after some puppy cuddles she let muffin out to run in the yard while she brewed a cup of tea.

On the terrace of the beach house, she watched the waves roll in, one by one. She took a big inhale — The pain of a second birthday without her mother piercing her heart — Then exhaled, trying to soften it. In therapy she'd learned a trick called radical acceptance, which was used as a tool for trauma sufferers. She couldn't bring her mom back, and she couldn't turn off the pain like a light switch, at least without drinking it all away. But she could sit with it, accept it, and try to move on.

She plopped in a patio chair as Muffin sniffed around, feeling the cool ocean breeze against her skin. The phone rang.

"Happy birthday to you," Bill sang off-key.

"Thank you," Emerald giggled. "Bill Hader calling me before ten in the morning? I feel so special."

"You are, dearest. I just dropped the kids at school. What do you say I drive over and bring you breakfast?"

"That sounds perfect. Muffin expects breakfast, too."

"Tell Muffin it's not her birthday." Bill joked.

"She's adopted. It could be, you don't know!"

Bill knocked on the door an hour later, a big bouquet of roses and a bag of food in hand. He kissed Emerald and enveloped her in a great hug, his muscles strong against her. When they pulled apart, she noticed his shirt — It was her own merchandise, with a photo of her on the front.

"Wh-Whatcha wearin'?"

"Clothes. Are you suggesting it's weird I wear my own girlfriend on a shirt?"

"Shut up and kiss me again."

"Anything for the birthday girl."

So they kissed again, and unpacked the breakfast spread.

"Bagels and lox, my favorite! I can't believe you remembered."

"I thought you probably missed a piece of New York." Bill smiled.

"I do... Not that any LA bagel could compare. But this, and the flowers... I don't know what I did to deserve you." Emerald said as she hugged him.

Bill also had brought a side of bacon for Muffin, which he placed in her bowl. She inhaled it in about five seconds.

"Happy Un-Birthday, Muffin!" he'd sang.

They dressed in swimsuits and walked down to the private beach, letting Muffin run free through the sand. Emerald and Bill walked up to the water, a chilly wave washing over their toes.

"Jesus fuck that's cold!" Bill wailed. Emerald cracked up as he ran away.

"Get back here! We're getting in the water!" she called after him.

"Hell no, woman."

"It's my birthday!"

Bill hesitantly returned to her side and another wave crashed in. They were ankle deep now and Emerald grabbed Bill's hand, pulling him further into the ocean. He yelped "fuck!" with every step. They gave up when it got to their knees, too icy and uncomfortable to bear. Instead they collapsed on beach towels and read, listened to music, talked, and made out.