LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

XII

For the next few weeks, Emerald and Bill talked nearly every day. He kept texting her knock-knock jokes, and she would always pretend they weren't funny and send him back eye-roll emojis, but would still crack a smile in real life.

It was crazy how drawn she felt to him, like a magnetic field she had no control over. Emerald wanted to learn more about him, get closer to him, touch him and know things no one else knew... but with the distance, it was difficult to do so.

It felt nice to be home in her apartment for a little while after such a hectic few months. The label was pushing and pushing her, and she needed a good recharge more than she realized. She spent her days cooking (she also baked desserts, like, from scratch), reading, playing her instruments, and watching old movies.

Her apartment, an Upper West Side loft with vaulted ceilings and lots of faux-fur throws, permanently smelled of cinnamon and sandalwood. It was her sanctuary, a place to be herself, a place to create. And for the first time in ages, she was creating. The writing came back into a comfortable rhythm, and she was proud of the new work being put down.

As for her deep loneliness and grief, they were still there. This new fun romance with Bill, whatever they could call it, didn't cure all her emotional ailments. Each day was different, and she took it one at a time.

The label had set up a west-coast tour for her, at relatively small, intimate venues, in a month. The performances were supposed to boost her fan engagement (whatever the hell that meant) before she started recording her third record next year.

So in September, she was flying to California again for a show at The Novo in Downtown Los Angeles.

"Seriously?" Bill had said excitedly when Emerald told him about the show over the phone. "I'm definitely cancelling all my plans and coming."

"Way to play it cool," she'd laughed.

"I think we're probably past that point."

At the venue after soundcheck, she was laced into her sparkly stage outfit, beautified by her makeup and hair team, and practiced vocal warm ups as April fetched her a hot tea. Ten minutes before show, a group of staff led her to side stage, the sound guy connecting the wires on her ear monitors.

Bill had texted her earlier saying he was there and good luck. The Novo had a VIP section in the mezzanine which she'd sent him two comped tickets for. She was so excited to see him - and nervous (of course).

Emerald could hear the crowd bellowing from behind the curtain. The Novo was a small venue to her, but in the grand scheme of things, was still pretty damn big. Though she was used to playing stadiums at this point, the echoing of the audience still made her heart race, her body shake.

The band played the opening interlude, cymbals crashing, lights flashing. A stage manager pulled back the curtain and she walked on stage. The floor vibrated underneath her feet from her fan's screams and the bass on the massive speakers. She stepped up to the microphone.

"City of Angels! What's up?"

The audience screamed back, and even with the bright stage lights in her eyes, she could see the venue was packed all the way to the back. Her legs nearly went out from under her.

Her band started playing the set, moving through every song with rehearsed, polished ease. Emerald danced and kicked and head-banged and played her guitar and piano, connecting with the crowd. They wailed when she stepped to the edge of the stage and held hands with a select few in the front row.

The energy of the show was electric, filling every part of her being with clarity. Emerald hadn't realized how much she'd missed live shows until it was over, her ears ringing, her body lightweight and sweaty and her mind sharp.