LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

V

Colin's office was surprisingly small, but then again, so was every office in New York City. Vintage Met's posters lined the walls, and there was a large hanging cork board cluttered with pinned schedules. His window had a view of 5th Avenue below, bustling with tourists and busy locals.

Emerald sat on the leather couch, one leg crossed over the other, trying to be the least awkward she possibly could. Colin was in his desk chair and Bill hovered behind him, looking at the Mac screen. Emerald noticed a sweet framed wedding photo of Colin and Scarlett Johansson on the desk. She smiled. Now that she looked at her, Scarlett looked a little like her mother. An ache shot through her like a tidal wave.

"That needs a better transition," Bill pointed to the screen.

Colin nodded and typed away. Emerald had no idea what she was doing there. She didn't feel like a help at all. Couldn't these professionals see she wasn't a comedian?

Bill sat next to Emerald on the couch. He pulled out his phone and started typing away. Emerald wondered who he was texting. He probably had a girlfriend, and all this crush bullshit was a waste of her time.

The sound of Colin typing and the group's breath were the only noises in the dimly lit office. For some reason Emerald didn't want to be there, but at the same time, didn't want to go back to her lonely apartment. Teenage Emerald would've been beyond elated to be sitting in an SNL office helping write a sketch she was starring in with Bill Hader, and she was definitely excited, but simultaneously profoundly empty. Nights were most difficult, no matter where she was. That depressed feeling was back. Above everything, Emerald was still grieving. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed it, like she always did.

Bill's knee bumped hers accidentally, and he muttered an apology, still buried in his phone. She busied herself playing with her rings.

A knock sounded on the door, and Colin called out, "Come in!"

Beck Bennett entered, a six pack of beers in hand.
"Brewskies for my dudeskies," he sung, dropping the box on the desk. "Figured you'd need these before I head out."

"Hey, thanks, buddy!" Colin fist bumped Beck.

Beck said good night and gave a friendly wave to Emerald and Bill before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Colin grabbed a beer, and Bill hopped up off the couch. "Want one?" Bill asked.

"Sure, thanks." Emerald thanked God there was alcohol to lighten the mood.

Bill cracked open two bottles with the opener on Colin's keychain, and handed one to Emerald. Their hands touched for a second, and she hated that it made her excited. The beer wasn't very cold and it wasn't very flavorful, but much better than nothing.
Colin typed away.

"This brings back a lot of memories," Bill smiled, his phone finally back in his pocket. "Drinking beer in the writing rooms, working through the night."

"Do you miss it?" Emerald asked. "Being on the show?"

Bill shook his head. "No. Too nerve wracking."

She knew what he meant. Sometimes, the terror she felt before her performances almost outweighed the good. When she was younger, she thought the performance anxiety would get better the more she played, but it hadn't.

"I get that." Emerald nodded.

"Do you get nervous before you perform? I'm sure that's terrifying."

"You have no idea. I'm a basket case before almost every show. You should've seen me before I played here last year. Wreck."