LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

XI

Five Months Later

August 2023 came after what seemed like years, bringing a breezy end to the sticky, humid summer in New York City. Except on this particular day, Emerald was in Los Angeles.

She'd flown in to do a musical performance at the Emmys. Earlier that year, she'd written a song for a Netflix Original series called Endless, and the show had been nominated for six awards, so the television academy asked her to play it at the ceremony.

Emerald had slumped through the past few months in a daze, going from magazine interview to swanky party to promotional performance with no break and no excitement. She was tired, and had never in her life felt so lonely. It must have been the pressure of the fame and her family issues weighing her down so much.

Oh, and Bill Hader had kissed her and then quite literally run away.

So, the thing about the kiss was, Emerald basically could not stop thinking about it. She hadn't told anyone that it had happened. That night, after he'd escaped in a frenzy, she'd gone to the after party as if nothing had happened, swallowing her disappointment. At the Italian restaurant where the party was being held, Bill was nowhere to be found. Pete Davidson said he'd hailed a cab and disappeared into the night, after not saying a word to Emerald. Quite frankly, she was crushed.

Emerald's team had insisted she perform at the Emmys, even though she tried getting out of it. She knew Bill would be there - he was nominated for two awards for his show Barry, and the thought of running into him made her literally want to sink into the ground.

"You're doing the performance, Emerald." her manager Erik had insisted over the phone.

"I really would like to decline," Emerald argued.

"Why the hell wouldn't you want to go to the Emmys? This is huge for you!"

Of course, she didn't tell them the real reason why.

After being laced into an embellished black gown, she was on her way to the Microsoft Theater, feeling like she wanted to throw up. The red carpet came into view as they drove closer to the venue. Through the back of the blacked out Escalade, Emerald could see paparazzi squeezed between barricades, their flashes going off, yelling out names. She gulped in anticipation. That night, she really, really didn't want to be there.

Emerald wanted to be strong. She wanted to be the youngest six-time Grammy Award winner by the time she was thirty. She wanted to play shows every night for her fans without being nervous, she wanted to focus on work.

But whenever she thought of that, she thought of Bill, and, oh. She thought of Bill and something twisted inside her chest, like a stretch she'd been avoiding for too long.

She thought of Bill and that way he stared at things, the way his voice got gravely and low late at night. Bill's hands on her, his hands cradling her neck when he kissed her. Bill's hands on other places, Bill's mouth, what she might do with it if he let her. Bill's broad shoulders and long legs, his impossibly blue eyes—

"Ms. Rowan?"

The ringing in her ears was interrupted by the voice of a sound engineer.

"Do your monitors sound okay?" he asked.

"Oh, um," she snapped back into reality. She took a listen. "Yes. Thank you,"

"Alright, you're on after the commercial break."

After a few minutes, Emerald came out on stage and the crowd applauded. She waved politely, trying not to think about the fact that Bill was almost definitely somewhere in the crowd, watching her. She sat at the piano, a stage assistant helping lay out her gown.