LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

XVII

DailyMail: EMERALD ROWAN FLEES SOLD-OUT CONCERT, CHECKS INTO REHAB

Cosmopolitan: Emerald Rowan is Prioritizing Her Mental Health... Here's Why You Should Be Too

TMZ: Is Emerald Rowan an Addict?

The tabloids circled the story for a few months, but eventually, it fizzed out, just like every other 'scandal'. But Emerald didn't know about the news circulation, and she didn't care.

That chilly February in the Hamptons, Emerald was too busy meditating, attending therapy sessions, taking walks on the sprawling property, doing yoga, and sleeping eight hours per night to busy herself reading articles. She ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She went to bed at eight. She read books instead of using electronics. In fact, she'd barely used her phone at all, only to occasionally text her dad that she was alright. It was a slow, mindful, deliberate lifestyle she never got to live on tour.

Emerald's new therapist, Dr. Ford, had opened her up to healthy coping mechanisms, meditations, and tools to manage her grief. It all made her feel so much better — Emerald wasn't healed, of course, she wouldn't be for a long time, but she could tell this was the beginning of something special, something beautiful.

In February, Emerald felt inspired. Inspired to write and start introducing work into her life again. She wanted a fresh start, not to pick up where she left off. She wanted to heal the bonds she'd broken, close where closure was needed.

So when she hugged her therapy support group goodbye, promising to keep in touch, and hopped into her driver's black Escalade, she felt a newfound sense of hope. Maybe, after all, everything would be alright.

After settling in at the apartment and having a week to herself, still feeling raw and emotional from her deep self exploration, Emerald pulled out her phone and sat on the balcony, watching traffic and people below. She dialed Bill.

She'd had a lot of time to think of what Lorne had told her... Be patient and gentle with him. It still hurt, the way Bill hadn't reached out to her when the tabloids were writing poison about them, but in therapy she'd mulled it over and forgiven. She'd decided to forgive everyone and everything — For her own sake, not theirs.

"Hello?" Bill answered.

"Hey. It's Emerald."

"Hi. I wasn't expecting this. How—How are you?"

"I'm doing well, actually. For the first time in a long time." she laughed.

"That's good to hear. I saw about the... Therapy thing, in the news."

"Yeah, it was definitely needed. I feel a lot better," she explained.

Bill took a beat. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Emerald sighed. Bill's voice sounded warm and intoxicating, and she wished she could see him. "So, I wanted to apologize. For—well, for everything, actually. The end of last year was really, really hard for—"

"Emerald," Bill interjected. "You don't need to apologize to me."

Emerald paused. "Wait, but like, I kind of wanted to."