LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

XV

DailyMail: CAUGHT! SNL ALUM BILL HADER (45) SPOTTED LEAVING SINGER EMERALD ROWAN'S (23) TOUR BUS IN THE AM

TMZ: IS EMERALD ROWAN A GOLD DIGGER? 45 Y/O BILL HADER LEAVES THE 23 YEAR OLD'S TOUR BUS LOOKING FLUSTERED

E! News: So... Emerald Rowan and Bill Hader are dating?

Cosmopolitan: Emerald Rowan and Bill Hader are Totally Age-Difference Goals

> @memes94627 Ew wtf that's so creepy
> @saraneil_ sooo emerald rowan is a slut lol
> @andy_baseball19 DISGUSTING unfollowing her
> @gamer_jax whore

"It's everywhere." Emerald sighed, throwing her phone down beside her. She was on the tour bus couch, April and Riley sitting across from her.

Riley shook his head. "I'm not going to lie, it's not great. But it could've been much worse."

"How?" Emerald said in a hopeless laugh. The situation definitely wasn't funny. "This is awful. Do you see the things people are saying?"

"Well, there's... Support, too." April chimed in.

Emerald rubbed her eyes. "I need to call Bill."

"Uh, not quite yet," Riley interjected. "I think it's probably best if we make a game plan first. About how you want to approach the situation. Do you want to go public with this? Just admit to it? Or we could deny."

Emerald laughed again. "Admit? You're acting like I've committed some sort of crime."

Riley sighed. "Look, I know this is difficult because you're so close to the situation. So maybe I should call the label and get some of the PR higher ups involved. Damage control, you know?"

"I can't believe this is happening," Emerald groaned. "This is... This is my relationship. My private relationship. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Emerald," Riley said calmly. "You are becoming one of the biggest stars on the face of the planet. People are interested in what you're doing. And when they think you're possibly dating a man twenty years your senior? That's drama. They like it."

Emerald felt tears burning her eyes. She desperately wished she could erase all this and keep her relationship private again. She wondered how Bill was handling all this. The sun was setting, surely he'd heard by now.

After a pause, she wiped her eyes and said, "Call PR. I don't care."

She stood and brushed herself off, before telling them, "I'm calling Bill."

Bill didn't answer her phone call. She paced around the tour bus bedroom, biting her fingernails until they bled, her heart pounding out of her chest. Why were people so horrible?

Emerald knew how it looked — Rising star hooks up with older, established, rich actor — But she knew in her heart that wasn't the case. Of course she wasn't a gold digger (she had plenty of money of her own), but the press and people on the internet couldn't see that. They wanted to villainize her, make her seem inhuman and fake, not taking the fact that she, too, was a person, into account.

But the way she felt about Bill, it was real. Of course the age difference was out of the ordinary, and they'd addressed that... But never in her life had she felt this way about someone. He was like a drug to her.

Emerald dialed his phone again, pacing around in the small space.

"Hello?" Bill answered.

"Hey, h-how are you?" Emerald panted.

"Um... Now's not the best time." Bill said quietly.

"Oh, then—Why did you answer?" she laughed.

"Emerald, I'm meeting with my team right now. I've seen what people are saying. I just—I can't talk. I need some time."

He sounded dark, brooding, distant. Her stomach tied itself into a knot.

"Oh. Okay," was all she could get out.

He hung up without a goodbye.

Frozen, Emerald held the phone to her ear, her throat tightening and tears blurring her vision. Why was he mad at her? What did she do?

The world fuzzed out into a blur. As she gazed out the window to the dark highway, the bus clanging and bouncing, she realized just how alone she was. Now that Bill didn't want to speak to her, Emerald had absolutely no one.

She burst out of the bedroom and stalked into the kitchen, slamming the cabinets open. April and Riley were still on the couch, working on laptops. The rest of the band and crew were in their bunks.

"Are you okay?" April asked.

Emerald fumbled around the kitchen. "I—I need a drink."

"Why don't you just sit down? I can make you some tea," April offered.

"No, I don't need anyone to help me!" Emerald snapped back. "Don't we have any fucking whiskey on this bus?"

Then, she opened a cabinet to find a bottle of Blue Label. She grasped it and pulled down a plastic solo cup, hands shaking as she poured a couple inches of the liquid. Riley and April watched her wearily, too afraid to interfere.

Emerald took a hearty swig, for the twist in her stomach about Bill.
Another for the press.
Another for her distant father.
Another for her dead mother.

Her chest burned, the weight in her brain grew a little lighter.

The bus sped to the next location all through the night, racing to the next location for Emerald to play yet another show, just like she had every night before. Repeating and repeating. She fell into a dreamless sleep.

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