LOOSE - a Bill Hader Novel

IV

About nine SNL staff members bombarded Emerald with attention when she walked through the door of Studio 8H, asking if she needed any special drinks or snacks or weird requests for her dressing room. She removed her sunglasses and politely declined all of the above, except for a cup of black coffee. April was sick that day, with what she labeled the actual fucking black plague, so Emerald had no problem working at the studio on her own.

The office was on the chilly side but bursting with energy. There was never a dull moment at 30 Rock, and Emerald soaked up every bit of the excitement, taking in the autographed photos lining the walls.

After a quick fitting, Emerald did a promo photo shoot with the show's photographer, being posed in artistic settings and fabulous high fashion outfits (at one point, she was even photographed sitting on a plastic zebra). She made sure to try relaxing and smiling a little extra - The photos from the last time she was here did not disguise the stress and fear in her eyes.

At 4 PM, she still hadn't seen any sign of Bill. Still, she kept checking her teeth in the front camera of her phone and nervously adjusting her black tank top. You know, for professional reasons.

On her way to the dressing room, Colin Jost, head writer and co-host of Weekend Update approached her in the hallway.

"Emerald, right?" he pointed to her, a stack of papers in his left hand.

"Last time I checked." Emerald smiled.

Colin laughed. "Sorry we didn't get a chance to meet last time you were here. I was slammed... Not that I'm not slammed now. I'm Colin,"

They shook hands before he adjusted his SNL baseball cap.

"No worries. It's great to meet you,"

"Yeah, good to meet you. Random question, do you have any interest at all in acting?" Colin asked, checking his watch involuntary.

"Um, somewhat. I had a part in every school play."

"And what about impressions?"

"Eh, I'm not a professional but I can get the jist of some people. Why do you ask?"

"One of our female cast members is out sick this week, but I had a really funny idea for a bit that needs another female actress. If you're down, I'd love to have you on it. You could even come to table read tonight."

Table read was in an hour, and the musical guests typically didn't sit in on it. As an avid fan of the show who wanted to see as much behind-the-scenes action as possible, Emerald was elated.

"That would be fantastic! Definitely." Emerald beamed.

"Perfect! I'll see you at five, then." Colin smiled before pulling his phone out, waving to her, and practically running down the hallway. The phone on his ear, Emerald could hear him mutter, "Where the fuck are those pages?" into the speaker. She laughed.

She arrived at the table read after a break in her dressing room. A large round table was littered with snacks and stacks of scripts, chairs clustered around it to make room for the cast. Emerald spotted Colin from across the room, and he gave her a friendly wave, signaling her to come over. He handed her a script before they both sat down next to each other.

"So this stack is all our pitches for the week. It's a lot, I know." Colin said, then took a hefty swig of coffee.

Emerald flipped through the script. It was at least six inches thick. "Jeez! And you guys write like this every week? Just for the majority of the sketches to be rejected?"

"Why do you think we're never without coffee?" Colin nodded and held up his mug. It read MORE COWBELL. Emerald made a mental note to purchase one of them immediately.