𝖬𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖶𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋 | 𝖲𝗎𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗅

empty green eyes pt.15

Dean-29
Sam-26
Meredith-18

Warning: drug addiction, self hatred, a panic attack, and sexual content are featured in this chapter. i tried to keep it as pg-13 as possible. too clarify, meredith consented in all of these scenes. she is extremely desperate and is willing to do anything. this chapter is dark, guys. please read with discretion.

It had been six days since she had laid on that cold bathroom floor, and Meredith felt like she was on cloud nine. All of her senses felt heightened and it seemed as if pop rocks were in her blood stream. It felt good. For the first time in months she felt good. When she had relapsed that day in the bathroom she surprised herself by not feeling guilty. She felt it was more of a "coming to her senses". She knew there was no way she could quit. She didn't want to quit. She was tired of feeling sick. She was tired of being tired. Giving in made her feel alive. So, that's exactly what she did.

Meredith had devised her new plan quite nicely. The drugs made her feel better so she decided she was going to start acting better. She didn't need to mope around and cry. She needed so show Sam and Dean that she was okay. If they knew that they would stop hovering over her. She forced herself to eat as best as she could, considering she still had trouble keeping food down. She would go on walks with Dean and help him tune up the car. Sam would convince her to watch Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith for the third time. Although, she never minded it. Anakin had been her first crush, after all. Their bonding time was somewhat strained at first. Neither one knew what to say. But it grew easier. She even convinced Bobby to ask Magnolia to dinner.

It wasn't all perfect, however. She had to be even more secretive than before. She couldn't go more than 2 or 3 hours without a hit but she couldn't afford to be caught stoned by one of the guys. So, every time she felt the rate of her heart begin to pick up, she would excuse herself to the bathroom and do a line. One line. It wasn't much but it kept her from going into manics. It was quick and simple. She knew her physical health was still declining but she didn't care about that. She didn't care that her skin was paler than snow. She didn't care that her body was nothing shy of a skeleton. None of it mattered because when she had those pop rocks flooding her veins, that was the only thing that mattered.

Sam and Dean had been confused by the light that had suddenly seemed to spark in her. When she smiled at a cheesy joke Dean had made, Sam almost fainted. He had forgotten what that looked like. Dean was still concerned with her lack of nutrition and her psychical appearance spooked him, but he couldn't deny how much better she acted. She still didn't like to leave his side but she was doing better. He could see she was trying to make an effort and he was proud of that. His intuition was strong but he found it faltering. Had he been overreacting? Maybe, there hadn't been more to this than what Bobby had said. He wanted to relish in the thought, but it just didn't seem right. They were careful with what they said. They didn't bring up hell or Stefan. They didn't bring up the four months she spent alone. She looked like she was doing much better. They didn't want to crush that.

They knew it was extremely unhealthy for her to keep those emotions pent up, but they were too afraid of how she would react if they mentioned it. Dean still had irrational thoughts about demanding the truth from her but Sam had dismissed them immediately. She clearly was doing better. Maybe not physically but mentally she seemed so. So, they took it one day at a time. They encouraged her new energetic behavior and took her up on every offer she made, still watching her like a hawk. The more she smiled the more their stress seemed to deteriorate.

                                      ~~~

It was a 6:30 on a Sunday evening. Magnolia had brought over a baked lasagna and everyone was sitting at the dining room table. Meredith had put an extra amount onto her plate to make it look like she was trying. Sam and Dean smiled at her effort.