𝖬𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖶𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋 | 𝖲𝗎𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗅

Empty green eyes pt.3

Meredith-18

Warnings: Use of cocaine, Adderall, sex, and attempted suicide/suicidal thoughts.

*month 4*

  Meredith was spiraling out of control. At first, everything was pure bliss. She felt so powerful, like she could do absolutely anything. But she no longer felt that way. She didn't feel in control of her own body anymore. She wanted, no, she needed it. She depended it. She was an addict and she knew it. Bobby knew something was up. He tried to get her to talk to him but she never opened up.

And it wasn't only the drugs. Meredith also took up the habit of drinking, a lot. She missed that sense of euphoria. It seemed harder and harder to reach. She was drifting. But she didn't really care.

She was laying in a motel bed beside Joey. A white sheet covering up her naked body. Money wasn't the only thing Joey wanted in return for the drugs. They would meet somewhere in town, go to his motel room, and after she would leave with the drugs. She felt disgusted by herself, but then again, she wasn't herself.

She felt completely and utterly broken. She could never stop thinking about Dean. She couldn't get the image of his dead body out of her head and it haunted her.

She glanced over at Joey and quietly rolled out of bed. She changed back into her clothes and grabbed her prize possessions from his black duffel bag. She drove to an empty corn field and sat herself up in the hood.

4 beers later Meredith pulled out her phone and done something she hadn't done in months.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Voicemail.

Meredith scoffed and waited for the beep.

"Hey Sam. Long time no talk." She said drunkenly . "I don't know where the hell you are or if you're even alive. Frankly I don't give a shit." She was quite for a few seconds. "I don't know why I'm calling. I knew you wouldn't answer. You know why I know? Because you abandoned me. Again." She scoffed.

"So yeah, I guess I'm calling to say, screw you. Screw you, Sam! You weren't the only one who lost a brother. You weren't the only one who had to watch him get torn apart. You weren't the only one to hear him scream out in pain while you couldn't do anything. You weren't the only one who wanted him back." She yelled into her phone tearfully and drunkenly.

"I hate you. I hate you for making me this way. It's your fault I'm like this, it's your fault I'm a mess. Sam I need help. I need you to help me because I don't know how much longer I can..." She cried brokenly. She sniffled and sat up straight. "Please, Sam I am begging you."

~~~

She never expected it to be so peaceful. So calm and quite. It had never gotten that quite before. Meredith was laying on a dusty motel bed with an empty bottle of Adderall pills. She wasn't sure how much she had taken but she knew it was a lot.

She didn't know if it was enough to kill herself but she hoped it was. Her whole body felt lighter than air. She felt as if she was floating. She could hear the room and see it moving.

She was ready. She wanted it. She wanted to die. Living was too painful. It hurt her even to breathe. She couldn't live without her brothers.
She welcomed the darkness and she let it envelop her.

But it was short lived. Her body was pulled back and her eyes snapped open. She rushed to the bathroom and crashed to floor, emptying her stomach into the toilet. She vomited violently and her body shook. She rested her head against the wall and clamped her eyes shut in pain.

Everything was so loud. She could her voices talking but she couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Shut up!" She screamed in anger.

Everything stopped at once. It was dead silent. She looked around in confusion and stood up shakily.

She looked in the mirror and saw her pale form. She sighed in defeat. She was alive and breathing. Something she shouldn't be doing. Did something or someone save her? She let out a sob punched the mirror in front of her.

~~~

A few days later Meredith pulled into the gravel drive way outside of Bobby's home. She quickly wiped the excessive white powder from her nose and sniffed deeply. She grabbed her back pack and tucked a hair behind her ear. She had been gone for a couple weeks. She couldn't risk staying with Bobby incase of getting caught.

She opened the door and stepped inside. "Bobby?" Meredith asked. She turned to go into the living room and froze at the sight she saw.

Dean.

~~~

So that's what Meredith went through while Dean was in hell. I didn't plan on making this a series but I may do more chapters on how she deals with him being back and her drug addiction. Let me know what you think of this series and if you want more of it. Xoxo, Maddy:)

P.s: thank you all so much for over 1k reads!! It means the world to me!! I love you all!