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jimin pov･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───┘
11.30.20 You remember when I told you my day would get better? Well it didn't. It fucking didn't. It got a million times worse. And Jungkook. Fuck. I can't even really talk about it without crying. Why? If I didn't say anything this wouldn't have happened. If I would've just hid my feelings like every other time. I feel like an idiot. I feel like nothing right now. Jungkook was my best friend and ruined our friendship. I'm too busy crying to keep writing. I have to go.
Jimin.
"Ah!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and threw my journal on my bed. My papers and clothes ended up on the ground sometime after Jungkook left.
"Why?! Why?! Why?!" I cried and screamed. I hate myself for even thinking that I could change him. For thinking I would be enough for him to want to settle. I just lost my best friend one some stupid feelings.
"I'm so stupid!" My tears hadn't stopped falling for the past two hours now. Fuck you Jeon. Making me cry when you should be the one that feels bad. He's the one that rejected me in the worse way possible. He said everything he shouldn't have. I think its finally time for me to give up.
I laid in my bed too tired to do my daily night routine. It felt like I was being stabbed and punch in the chest repeatedly with the sharpest knife and a metal fist. My head that pounded due to the massive headache I have, started to sink into the fluffy pillow that always puts me to sleep quickly. But not today.
Today my thoughts were chaotic. As I laid in my bed contemplating if school was even an option tomorrow my tears started again. I let him go. I just let him leave when I was the one that said I wasn't his best friend anymore.
Was I to blame or was he? If I never started the conversation this wouldn't have happened in the first place. But if he didn't handle it the way he did we wouldn't have fought. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard a loud knock at my door. Who would be here right now?
"Jimin!" They knocked harder and yelled louder.
"Please Jimin! O-open the door!" I knew that voice. It was Jungkook. My heart felt warm and I was happy that he came back. I was happy he wanted to talk to me after what I said. But that attitude soon faded when I came back to reality. Jungkook broke my heart.
"Go to hell!" I yelled back with acrimony laced throughout my tone.
"Just please! L-let me *hiccup* explain!" It was then when I noticed his shaky voice. He sounded off. I chose not to respond and started to walk back up until I heard a quieter cry.
"Baby please." He cried softly and that's when I knew he wasn't all right. He's drunk. I took a deep breath and tried cooling the blush on my face down. He won't have an affect on me anymore.
I took the knob of the front door into my hand and contemplated just going back upstairs. It would save me some more heartbreak. But I can't. I won't leave him out there like that.
"Exlain." Was all I said when I opened the door and let out a huge sigh. I witnessed him standing limply in front of me sobbing to himself. His head shot towards my direction and his eyes went wide.
"Jiminie!" He yelled and before I could even react his arms were around my waist.
"Get off me Jungkook!" I pushed him away maybe a little to harsh and his face immediately saddened.
"Please f-forgive me!" He cried as he dropped to his knees. He was begging and grasping my legs harshly.
"I'm s-sorry! I was l-lying!" He yelled and that's where I was confused. He lied? About what?
"What are you talking about?" I asked in a calmer voice and he started to compose himself as well.
"I-I was lying earlier." He confessed and that was absolutely no help. About what you idiot?
"About what?" I asked more confused then I've actually ever have been. He didn't talk immediately. He was sniffling for a second before he broke out into a loud cry again.
"I r-really do love you Jimin! I'm in love with you."My eyes widened and my heart sunk. Those were the words I've waited practically my entire life to hear. But now that he's saying them it feels unreal. Is this really happening?
"A-and I'm s-so *hiccup* scared." He admitted and I was still in shock. I've loved him for 6 years now. And he finally loves me back but something is still keeping him from me.
"I'm scared of l-loving y-you. *hiccup* t-then losing you." He paused and gripped the denim of my jeans tighter.
"Baby... Minnie... I-I really don't want to lose y-you." He started to sob again but this time I held him. I bent down and pulled his head to my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and just let him wet my shirt with his tears.
"I'm right here." I assured him and rubbed circles on his back.
"But you'll l-leave. They a-all do." He whimpered and my heart practically snapped in half hearing him say something like that.
"Jungkookie..." I whined. I had no idea that he felt like that.
"What if w-we date?....." He said and I had to catch my breath.
"....And then we b-break up. Jimin I-I can't b-be without you." He continued to cry and I can't even begin to fathom this entire situation. My brain is literally choosing not to process it right now.
"I'm not going anywhere." I told him but he shook his head clearly not believing the words.
"You don't k-know that." He stuttered and shook within my hold. I've never seen him so broken up or so vulnerable about anything. He was normally really easy going and nothing really bothered him. Meaning that this was real. He's not lying.
"I do. I won't leave you." I replied.
"Promise?" He held up his pinky and looked into my eyes with his dark chocolate ones cause big a blush to emerge onto my cheeks.
"I promise." I replied and linked my pinky to his before kissing the back of his hand.
Will you remember this tomorrow? I thought to myself.
