The Way You Hurt Me

Chapter Four

"So, do you like him?" Ronnie asks me the next morning. We're sitting at our little kitchen table eating scrambled eggs Kelly made.

"Obviously I like him as a person and have been finding him more and more attractive as days go by, but he has me so confused." I slump in my seat; my face is held up with my right hand while my left uses a fork to move the eggs around on my plate.

I immediately went to bed last night after I said goodnight to Josh. When I woke up this morning everything from yesterday felt like some strange dream. It didn't register until now how big a step that was for Josh to open up to me like that.

When I came out into the kitchen area and saw Ronnie and Kelly I immediately told them everything that happened last night, from my easy banter with Mason to my somber night with Josh.

Thinking back on my evening with Josh has me utterly perplexed. There were so many ups and downs; so many different emotions throughout the night. I have never seen Josh express that many emotions before. Seeing him so enthusiastic and knowing I played a part in making him that happy was such a satisfying experience.

I want to see him today, but don't necessarily want to go to him first. I don't want to feel like it's always me seeking him out and him just being fine with it. I want him to want to see me too.

"Yeah, to be honest, I'm not sure what you should do in this situation," Kelly says, her brown eyes meeting mine. She's sitting across from me at the table next to Ronnie. "From what it sounds like he doesn't know what it means to be close to someone. I think the best thing is just to keep doing what you're doing so he feels comfortable. He's going to need to sort it out for himself."

"But what if he doesn't know how to do that? What if he needs me to show him what it's like to be in a caring relationship?" I shift my glance from Kelly to Ronnie who's listening intently. "When I say relationship I just mean any kind of relationship, friend or romantic."

We all pause for a moment, unsure what to say or do. Eventually, Ronnie fixes me with a look.

"I think we need to talk about what happens if he does finally decide to trust you and then become dependent on you." She waves her fork full of eggs at me as if to try and further her point.

"Ronnie, I feel like that should be a topic of conversation if it happens. I don't think it's fair to talk about it now. It's taken Josh so long to give me the slightest glimpse into his life, I don't think he's randomly going to start giving me his whole life story today." I roll my eyes at her.

I know dependence is a serious matter, but I'd like to give Josh the benefit of the doubt before thinking something like that. I don't want to think about that being an issue right now.

Kelly nods in agreement. "I think Re is right. Right now, we should just make sure he's doing alright. We don't know if talking about his past will bring up bad memories that will have him upset all day."

I jerk my gaze to her face. "You think he could be in bed right now wallowing? Shit, maybe I really should go check on him." I start to get up from my chair when Kelly reaches across the table and grabs my arm.

"I said we don't know." She uses her hold on me to push me back into my seat. She quickly looks over at Ronnie and then back to me. "I think I'm slightly concerned how much you want to run to him every time he has a slight issue."

"But what's the difference between me running to him when he's upset versus one of you?" I ask. I can kind of see how they're concerned but at the same time, I would do the same for them in a heartbeat. To me, that's what a good friend does.