The Way You Hurt Me

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Rena?" Josh's voice is strangled and disbelieving as he takes in my features. I'm still hovering over him, my hands cupping his cheeks as I let out the breath I've been holding.

He's okay. He's awake. It's over now.

"I'm here Josh," I tell him gently. I rub my thumb across his skin, grazing over the light stubble coating his chin. "You're okay now. It's over."

"You're really here?" His eyes are dazed as if he's still stuck in his nightmare, barely believing I'm right here in front of him.

"I'm here, I'm really here," I whisper to him twice, trying my best to make him understand. I can't stand to see him like this for another second. I want him to smile and I realize I will do whatever it takes to see him smile again. He doesn't deserve to suffer every time he closes his eyes.

Josh's eyes start to clear and rapidly roam over my face, trying to take in all my features in the dark. Suddenly, he lets out a sob and pulls me to him. I drop flat on top of him, my arms falling on either side of his face and his arms locking around my waist. He starts crying into my shoulder and I gently run my fingers through his hair. I keep whispering over and over in his ear that it's okay, but I don't know if it does anything.

I feel helpless. I'm not sure if I'm doing enough or if there's something else I could be doing to help him. I'm overwhelmed by my need to make sure he's okay.

I start to panic when I think this is a clear warning about my obsessive need to please everyone, but I force myself to relax because I think anyone in this position would be doing their best to help too.

But I'm mostly overwhelmed by how much I missed him, how I'm dying in his arms right now and never want to get up and move.

No matter how much time passes and how many obstacles stand in our way we seem to always end up right back here in each other's arms.

"You were gone," he barely whispers around his cries. "You were gone."

I pull back from him to gaze at his face. "What?"

Josh squeezes his eyes closed for a second and then takes a steadying breath. "My night terror. It started exactly how it always does but then after I watched my parents die again and again you showed up." He pauses to meet my gaze, the pools in his eyes making the green stand out even in the dark.

"I was in your night terror?" I can't breathe. Oh, god.

"We were in my car and I was driving. We were talking and having fun, debating something that you were passionate about. It was such a happy turnaround from the dreams I'd been having. I thought maybe for a second I could finally have a good dream but—" he breaks off and bites his lip, more tears streaming down his face. He's clearly pained as if reliving this dream is destroying him.

I'm shaking so hard I don't know what to do with myself.

"I—I stopped at a red light," he continues, "but the car behind didn't notice in time and—and slammed into us. They hit us so hard we ended up rolling out into the intersection and I tried to stop the car Rena, I really did, but another T-boned into us. It hit you straight on." A massive sob rocks through his body. "You were gone before the ambulance could even arrive."

Slow tears start trailing down my face.

"I couldn't save you. It was all my fault and I remember being so devastated that you were gone­—I didn't know what to do. Losing you like that Rena, god I can't breathe and it was all my fault just like with my parents. All my fucking fault—"