The Way You Hurt Me

Chapter Twelve

The next few weeks start going by in a blur. My schoolwork picks up and I start taking more shifts at work to keep myself extra busy. I hang out with my roommates whenever I can to distract myself and find myself spending more and more time with Mason.

Somehow, he's become my go-to if my girls are busy or I feel like I've burdened them too much with my sour mood. I'm slowly coming back into my normal self and Mason has noticed a change in me, but hasn't asked me about it and I'm relieved. He's let me try and figure this out myself.

One night when we're hanging out at his place doing work until late in the night I catch him staring at me off and on for about thirty minutes.

"Okay, Mason. What's on your mind? You've been checking me out non-stop and it's getting a little creepy," I joke with him. For some reason, he's the only one I can still easily do it with.

He looks embarrassed and hangs his head down to stare at his accounting textbook in front of him. He's sitting at his desk and I made myself comfortable on his bed that sits right next to his desk.

I'm not sure I want to know what's about to come out of his mouth.

Mason rubs the back of his neck. "You'll tell me when you're ready, right?" he asks, giving me a doubtful look. I realize he believes I don't trust him enough to tell him what's going on in my life. I instantly feel guilty and shame spreads its way across my body.

I slide my computer off my lap and stand up, needing to think. I run my hands through my hair and wonder if telling Mason is a good idea or not. I've been putting this off for so long and the poor boy has been so patient with me it's made me like him all the more.

I think the reason I like being with him so much is because I'm watching him slowly get over Jessica and I feel like I'm trying to do the same with Josh. It's nice to be in the company of someone that is feeling similar to you even if they don't know you're feeling it.

I try not to think about the fact that Josh hasn't reached out once and in class, he avoids me as much as I avoid him. I showed up to class two minutes late on that Wednesday, scared shitless of trying to find another place to sit only to notice that he had moved. I ended up sitting at our normal table for that day only to then move again the next time to a different spot because sitting there reminded me too much of him.

Every day I hate how much he hurt me. Every day I'm surprised by the slightly empty feeling in my heart. I truly had no idea how much I liked him until he was gone. It makes me feel weak and then I hate myself for that thought because I don't want to be like Josh and never open up to someone again.

I stop pacing when I feel Mason's hand on my elbow. He spins me around to face him. Concern is etched across his face and I almost hate that more than anything.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine," I tell him, trying to get that look off his face.

"Rena, please," he begs. "I'm trying so hard to be patient, but I'm starting to lose it. I can't stand another minute of you looking like that."

"Looking like what?" I fire back, irritation coursing through me.

"Like you just lost someone you loved."

It's like a slap in the face and I flinch away from him, startled by his words.

I don't think I loved Josh, but it was probably something close since I still feel the effects of our last conversation haunting me like a ghost.

"Mason I–" but I'm unable to finish the sentence. I collapse into his arms and cry. It's the first time I've cried about Josh since leaving Ronnie's room that day. In all my sorrow I've somehow managed to keep my tears at bay, but Mason's words shatter me into tiny glass shards.

Mason holds me protectively and lovingly. He squeezes me tight against him and starts whispering sweet nothings in my ear that barely register over my sobs.

He holds me for ten minutes or maybe an hour and never falters, only hugging me tighter each time my cries get a little louder.

We end up sitting on his bed and I tell him about it. I tell him everything, probably too much, but I tell him. He sits there and nods, taking it all in and never saying a word. It's exactly what I need, someone to just listen to me and let me pour my heart out one more time.

It's a relief, and afterward, I finally feel free.

Free of the hurt Josh left me in.

Free to be happy again.

And finally, free of Josh.