The Way You Hurt Me

Chapter Twenty-One

Josh and I sit there on his floor for a while, until eventually, we hear a soft knock on the door.

"Rena? Josh? Are you guys in there?" comes Ronnie's voice through the door.

My hand on Josh's hair stills and I wait for Josh to decide what he wants to say. I'm not sure if he wants Ronnie to see him like this. His tears have slowed, but haven't completely stopped yet.

"Josh?" I whisper to him in inquiry.

His eyes flutter open and meet my face. The green is so vivid because of the moisture in his eyes. He looks panicked, completely unsure what to do. We haven't talked about anything yet and I know we aren't done here, but I need to let Ronnie know we're okay—and maybe even tell Josh's roommates as well. The whole scene must've been insane and ridiculous to them.

"I'll go see what she wants and then come right back okay?" I tell him. I gently brush my hand over his cheek and he nods in response.

Josh lifts his head off my lap and I stand, turning toward the door. I open it, finding Ronnie's concerned face on the other side. I slip through the door and close it behind me.

"What the hell is going on Re?" Ronnie immediately demands. "Mason's in our apartment freaking out. You've been gone for forty minutes!" she whisper-shouts at me.

Shit. Has it already been that long?

"I fucked up Ronnie. I really fucked up."

And then I lose it. The tears erupt down my face and Ronnie grabs me into a bear hug as I let out all the pain I've caused these two-amazing people. She rubs the back of my hair with her hand and tries her best to calm me down, but the sobs keep coming.

I don't deserve either of them and never should've created this situation in the first place. All I've done is cause them pain and regret every single one of my actions. I need to stop this now. Today. I'm going to set it right.

With growing clarity from letting out my sorrow into Ronnie's arms, resolve starts to find its way through my body.

"I have to end it, Ronnie," I finally say into her shoulder. "This has gone on for far too long."

"That's good Rena. I'm glad you've figured it out. What are you going to do?" Ronnie pulls away from the hug to look at me. She reaches out and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear that's stuck to my face because of my tears.

"I'm ending it with both of them," I state, trying to hold my head high at my decision.

Ronnie's jaw drops. "What?"

"Ronnie think about it. I've led them both on, at this point, neither relationship feels all that healthy after everything I've put them through. Any time Josh needs me I go running to him and being with Mason hasn't stopped that. Even if I say goodbye the Josh the chances that I go running to him if he reaches out to me again because he needs me are far too high. I can't keep putting Mason through that." I flex my hands nervously in front of me and take a calming breath.

"Then be with Josh." Ronnie stares at me like this is an obvious choice.

"He just smashed his hands on his desk until they bled because of me Ronnie. How in the hell is he supposed to trust me after the past month of bullshit I put him through?"

Ronnie flinches at the first part, her eyes straying to the door behind me. "But you can't make that decision for him. Just because you believe he won't trust you doesn't mean that it'll be true. It's not fair to assume something like that."