The Way You Hurt Me

Chapter Seventeen

Warning: adult themes in this chapter

I make my way over to the front door of Mason's apartment, trying to calm my nerves. I have no idea how this conversation is going to go or how he'll react.

Josh and I are on good terms again, but I feel like my luck is going to run out. What are the chances of me being able to keep both of them without any issues? Probably slim to none, which is why I feel like I'm shitting bricks as I knock on Mason's door.

It's already not off to a great start considering I haven't knocked on his door in two weeks. Mason and I became comfortable enough for me to just walk in and now I feel that strange distance I felt with Josh yesterday when he came over to my place.

Josh asked to hang out tonight and I had to tell him no. It hurt so much to have to do that so soon after just making up, but Josh ended up being understanding about it. I told him I could see him tomorrow and that was that.

I'm starting to feel so busy now that I have two people I need to spend a lot of time with. It's a little overwhelming, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

When I told my roommates about everything that happened with Josh they lost it. I think Ronnie was a little disappointed only because she secretly likes me with Mason more and worries Josh will put a strain on my relationship with Mason. She isn't wrong, but I'm hoping I can change that tonight.

I hear footsteps from inside the apartment and then the door opens to reveal Mason's troubled face. He's not even trying to hide his emotions right now. He looks exhausted with dark circles under his eyes. He's clearly lacking sleep and I can only hope it has nothing to do with me.

"Hey," I say, trying to sound casual.

"Hey," he says back, but there's nothing behind it. It's a very empty greeting and I'm at a loss. How do I turn this around?

Mason waves me in after him and we start walking toward his room. Thankfully neither of his roommates seem to be here so I don't have to do an awkward wave to Caleb or Sebastian.

I enter his room and move to sit on his bed, my normal place. At least I still have this normal action going for me.

Mason closes the door behind us and the silence that follows is deafening.

"Mason?" I start, my eyebrows furrowing in concern. I knew he'd be upset but he looks crushed. "What's going on? Talk to me."

He's unable to meet my eyes and starts pacing back and forth on the carpet. "Do you want to be with him?" comes his first question. It comes out harsh and fast like the question has been burning inside of him for too long and it's been begging to be released.

"Mason please, just relax. There's a lot I need to say."

"So, you want to be with him?" he demands.

"It's not that simple. I talked to him last night and we sort of figured out—" I get cut off.

"But isn't it that simple? You either want to be with him or you don't." Mason's breathing is ragged with his anger.

"Mason would you just get a grip and listen!" I shout at him, bolting upright from the bed as I do so.

That gets him to quiet. He slowly nods at me to continue.

"First I just want to say I'm still struggling to figure out exactly what I want from each of you. But what I do know is that I can't lose either of you. You're both far too important to me at this point and going through the pain of losing one—" I break off and take a breath, trying to refocus. "I know that's not fair, but it's the brutal truth of what I want.