Secrets (DreamNotFound)

6

TW's:
-Mentions eating disorder
-Mentions binges, compensation

George's POV

I stood in front of Dream. I had just met up with Sapnap so a lot of the stress was gone already. Sapnap didn't comment on my weight or anything. He did offer me some chocolate, but I didn't dare eating it. It would end up in either binging or throwing up and I didn't want that this soon.

I looked at Dream again. He was beautiful, he was even more beautiful than I had ever imagined him. The picture he sent me was unclear and had a filter. I looked at his dirty blonde hair with his green eyes. Well, they looked yellow, but I knew they were green. He had some freckles on his face and everything seemed to be perfect. His lips curled into a smile and his cheeks turned slightly red. He was holding my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug.

'Hey Georgie.'

We let go of each other, leaving us both as blushing messes. Dream smiled and hugged Sapnap shortly after.

'How was your flight?' Dream asked me with a soft and sweet voice.

'It was uh- alright. A little tiring. How was yours?'

'Oh, it was fine. I hate planes, but it was fine this time. And you Sap?'

'It was okay.'

I looked at Sapnap, he was very pale and he had bags under his eyes. I figured he would come to me or Dream when something was wrong so I decided not to ask about it. Even though I didn't go to them either when something was wrong. I shrugged a little and we started walking towards a bench. We had to wait for the others, but it could take a while. Some of the people would land in a few hours, we would only wait for Bad, Fundy, Skeppy and Niki. The others would come straight to the house we would spend our nights.

We sat down next to each other and an a little awkward silence overtook us. We all were a little jet lagged because of the plane and I didn't want to reveal anything of my secret. They would be so grossed out about me, they would literally hate me. Dream grabbed a chocolate bar and handed it to me.

'Here, I brought one for you guys too.'

I couldn't say no now. I grabbed the chocolate bar and slowly opened it.

'You don't have to,' Dream muttered.

'I will keep it for later,' I said.

He nodded. 'That's fine.'

I put the chocolate bar in my bag and looked around me. I wished so hard not to binge all these weeks, but since I had been starving myself today. The chances for me to binge only got higher and higher.

'Are you alright?' Dream asked me.

'Yeah, I'm really tired.'

'And you Sap?'

'Yeah, why?'

'You guys are so quiet, I'm not used to you guys being this quiet.'

'It's all just so weird. A few hours ago we had never met up and now we are sitting here with each other,' Sapnap said.

I nodded. 'I'm just so happy to be here with you guys. I wished for this for so long and it's finally happening,' I said, lying most of it.

Of course I wished for this for so long, but I wished to be in a different state. Happy and not always worrying about my body and food. How could I ever explain anyone this? I wanted to explain it, but I didn't even know myself what was going on. I knew I had an eating disorder, but I was just exaggerating. Nothing was very bad, I wasn't dying or anything. I just binged and purged and sometimes starved. It wasn't too bad.

As long as I could still do everything I did now, nothing was wrong. I wasn't thin, and definitely not too thin. If something I was fat, nothing more or less. I was so hungry, I hadn't eaten anything all day, it was exhausting me. Could I ever live a normal live again? Maybe I should have told anyone and maybe they would help me? I just really didn't dare to, maybe one day. Maybe this holiday, but only Dream. I only trusted Dream enough for this.

710 words