Secrets (DreamNotFound)

18

TW's:
-No really triggers I think

Dream's POV

We didn't do anything this day too. We didn't really plan anything out so it was probably better. I actually wanted to go and lay down in bed, I wanted to escape the situation. I wanted to escape from my feelings. I wished to not like George, but I noticed myself falling for him harder every single second. He was just so handsome, so beautiful, and so incredibly hot. I noticed myself staring at him again and quickly looked away.

Today George and I ate regularly again, he had trouble with it, but he managed to do it. I looked at George again. I was just drowning in his eyes every time. He was so beautiful, I couldn't stop saying it. I looked away as soon as I saw him suddenly lock eyes with mine. He knew I liked guys, he could suspect something. I decided to act like I was just looking around and I looked over at Fundy. He was playing some sort of game on his phone. Tommy and Tubbo were talking with Wil and others were either talking a little or on their phone.

It was already evening so no one really wanted to do anything anymore. Maybe that we would play some games later again, but for now everyone was just quiet and minding their own business. I started thinking about George again. His perfect face, he was amazing. His brown eyes, I drowned in them every single time I looked at him. Then his fluffy and dark brown hair, it was so cute. I wish to hold him like my boyfriend, that would be a dream. I knew it was only imagining, of course he would never be my boyfriend.

I fell in love with a straight guy. It was always the same, most guys I liked were straight and I never had a chance with them. Even though this was even worse. This time I fell in love with my best friend, I could only hate myself. I knew I didn't choose for it, but still. I imagined kissing George so many times now. What would his lips taste like? Would they be as soft as they looked? It was only imagining, it would never happen. Of course it wouldn't. I would never be able to kiss my straight best friend, how badly I wanted it. It was simply not going to happen.

And that made me so sad to be fair. I was in love, of course I wanted to kiss with him. It would mean the world to me. I noticed George talking with Sap, but I didn't hear his words. I only saw his lips moving, lips I wanted to kiss, but I was never going to. I sighed deeply, why was I like this? I hated myself for it, I hated myself more than anything. I should have never told him, just as I always told myself not to. Just as my parents weren't allowed to know, no one was.

I would only tell George, I would tell no one else. Never. I trusted George, but I couldn't tell anyone else. Even though Eret and Niki both were bisexual, but still. They both were more straight than gay and I wasn't. I was definitely more gay than straight. I knew Eret liked girls more, I knew Niki liked guys more and I knew I almost only liked boys. And Eret wasn't even here, he couldn't help me. Why did I have to like boys? Why me. I just should look for a pretty girl and maybe kiss one. I would fall in love right? Would I?

I don't even think I would. The only thing making me think I was bisexual was that I liked one girl when I was fifteen, but maybe I was gay. I only liked boys since and I only fell in love with boys. I got sick of all the questions I had and opened my phone for some distraction. I hated living like this. I didn't want to be bi or gay, or whatever I was. I wanted to live a normal life, a life without all these questions and stuff. A life were I was straight and liked a girl instead of my best friend.

'Hey guys, do you want to play put a finger down again?'

I immediately got nervous but nodded. And again all this stress.

738 words