Secrets (DreamNotFound)

10

TW's:
-Eating disorder (bulimia)
-Binge+throwing up!

George's POV

It was midnight and I woke up because I was so extremely hungry. I sat up in my bed and looked around me. Fundy's biscuits were still next to us on the nightstand. I slowly stood up, grabbing the package with biscuits and the chocolate bar from my bag. I sneaked downstairs, no one was up at this time. I looked around me and saw some bags of crisps. I grabbed them too and opened them. They could buy new ones. I opened the fridge, in the evening Fundy and Wilbur went to go shopping and bought some food.

I grabbed more biscuits, leftover pizza because Tommy and Tubbo didn't want pasta, some ice cream and doughnuts. I started eating a few biscuits and I soon couldn't stop anymore. Spoons full of ice cream, three doughnuts, all the left over pizza, ten biscuits, two bags of crisps and I couldn't stop. I ate two chocolate bars and I still couldn't stop. I ate the whole pint of ice cream and I was so full I almost started throwing up.

I started crying as I kept eating, I just couldn't stop anymore. I wanted more and more. Tears streamed down my face, but I kept eating. I felt guilty sliding into my body, I hated myself. I tried crying as quiet as possible, I didn't want anyone to know how absolutely messed up I was. I was so exhausted.

I fell down on the ground with a doughnut in my hands and let it fall on the ground. I stood up and ran crying to the bathroom. I sat down on my knees for a while, crying my eyes out. And I did it again. I binged again. I just couldn't stop, I simply couldn't. No matter what I tried, I kept doing it.

I remember my first binge ever as yesterday. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what I was doing. After I binged for minutes long, I just wanted to get it all out. I knew I could just throw it up. Well that was the first mistake I made. That didn't go very well, but my second mistake. I never stopped after that. I binged sometimes even more than once a day. I hid it for my parents, but they started seeing some weird behaviour. Even though they still don't know about my bulimia.

They firstly asked me if I had anorexia, but I didn't so I told them I didn't. They didn't really believe me, but I started gaining weight again, so they got less suspicious than before. I guessed they just never really asked about it anymore after. There was no reason for me to tell them about my bulimia, they would only be disgusted about me. Just as everyone would be, and I understood that.

I looked up and remember I was kneeled down in front of the toilet. Just like I was most of the time. I grabbed some toiletpaper before purging and made myself throw up after a while. I kept throwing up until I was sure I had no food in me left. I had gagged loudly which made me scared. What if someone heard me? How do you explain this? How do you explain the sight of me kneeled down in front the toilet, sticking my own fingers in my throat. You couldn't explain it. Just very simply not.

There were only two options. They would either be disgusted or they would laugh. Nothing in between. I stared at the toilet, tears fell down. They didn't stop anymore. I was afraid to have woken up someone, I was feeling guilty and disgusted by myself and I just simply hated myself. I couldn't remember I ever cried harder than I had done at this point.

I quickly checked whether I still had food in me and I gagged even louder than before. I fell down again. I suddenly heard the door behind me slowly opening. Someone walked in. I stood up and turned around. Dream.

'George? Are you okay? Were you making yourself throw up? What's going on? Why are you up this late?'

I couldn't take it anymore. I bursted into tears, as Dream hugged me tightly against his body.

715 words