Indecent Proposal

Chapter 17

Shawn barely made it through the Christmas party that day. His heart hurt too much and after a long phone call with his dad and his sister; he'd never felt so much like a failure in his life. His dad was unbelievably upset with him when the truth of Shawn's sadness came out. Shawn couldn't even bring himself to book the flight to come home to Canada for the New Year. In his own grief, he'd almost quit his job; but after a long, truthful talk with Andrew, he decided to take a leave of absence. It seemed like the easy way out, but he didn't care. An office without Camila, a life without Camila wasn't what he wanted.

He was too ashamed of the man he had become because he couldn't just be honest with the woman he'd been pining for since they were college kids. He felt sick every time he thought about her. That night at her place where it all crashed and burned. The day of the party; the last time he'd held her in his arms or felt her lips on his skin.

In the days after Camila left, he'd sat around Connor or Brian's house drinking, attempting to watch hockey or football and barely eating. He'd been through break-ups before, and although what happened with Camila didn't classify as a break-up; it sure felt like one. The worst one he'd ever go through. Nothing his friends did could cheer him up.

He stayed at his friends houses because he didn't want to be alone, he was too afraid of what else he was capable of.

He'd tried to call her, text her, email her...nothing. He left her heartfelt voicemails and tried to get the address to the office in New York, but ultimately, he decided she had left for a reason. His efforts to keep her were not enough. He'd finally been honest and it still wasn't enough.

He wasn't a good reason to stay; he got that message loud and clear.

Little did Shawn know, Camila had read his letter and listened to his voicemails. She'd read the letter multiple times on the plane, in her new loft, in the taxi to her new office; and cried every single time. They weren't tears of hurt though, the were tears of joy and hope, and utter disbelief. She'd saved his voicemails just to keep his voice with her. She knew deep down that last day in the office that it took a lot out of Shawn to do what he'd done, and she knew that he was behind all of it. The decorations, the food, her office. He'd planned everything down to the last sunflower for her and she'd still been too blinded by hurt from his actions and Harry's, and the grief of losing her grandmother, to see that the Shawn she fell for in college was still in there. The Shawn that comforted her when she needed it most, was still there. None of the other men in the office would've thought to do what Shawn had done for her. He was selfless in that regard and ultimately it made her realize one thing.

He was there for her. She had someone.

Behind his indecent proposal was still a very decent man who made a mistake. Lord knows she had made enough mistakes of her own. Harry included. She couldn't believe what she'd done, but in her in anger at Shawn and her sadness about her grandmother and not being able to afford a proper headstone due to being left with her medical bills and funeral expenses; she tried to find comfort in an old flame that had burnt out the first time for a reason.

She kicked herself for not hearing Shawn out sooner, but she just didn't want to believe that he was truly hurting too. It didn't make sense at the time for him to be hurting, but once she'd had the time to clear her head and start over, she realized he was hurting because he truly did love her. Even while she was with Matthew, he was always there; sitting across from her office in his cubicle keeping an eye on her, catching her eye, or making stupid jokes like she was used to.

She thought back to that night on her couch and in her hallway. She remembered his lips on hers and the way he'd held her in his arms. Even as they were attempting to rip each other's clothes off; she'd never felt so adored, so cared for. She caught herself touching her lips from time to time, remembering how his felt and how nothing else had ever felt more right than when Shawn Mendes kissed her.

She realized she could've had it all as she spent Christmas alone, in an empty loft, drinking wine and trying to watch Elf. Even Elf made her cry as she thought about what she had left behind. The tubs of Chunky Monkey she consumed did nothing to mend her broken heart.

The first day at the new office was horrible. Her new boss was a skeeze. She'd never felt more degraded or disgusted in her life. It felt like bad karma for some reason and even after she found out the new artist they had just signed; she still wanted out. She still wanted to go home. She didn't belong here.

She belonged in the land of the Dodgers, the land of sunshine and beaches and celebrities.

She belonged where Shawn was; and she hoped like hell he'd forgive her when she got home.