I'd Follow You Anywhere / Newt Fanfic / Maze Runner Series

Chapter 10 - His Tear

Newt felt like his entire world collapsed, and the room started to spin.

He shot up from his spot at the table and quickly walked out of the kitchens, making a beeline for the homestead.

He started sprinting after a few seconds, and pushed through the homestead door, running up the stairs. 

At the top of the stairs he slowed, and walked quietly to the last door on the left. When he got there he stopped, taking a deep breath before slowly pushing the door to the medjack hut open.

Zoe lay there, looking peaceful, but as Newt got closer, he could see all the small things that changed the scene from peaceful to devastating and horrific.

Newt saw the dried tear sitting Zoe's face, that no one had bothered to wipe off, Zoe's shallow breaths, as she still struggled for air even after Kyle had removed his hands. The way her entire body moved with each beat of her heart, seeing as she was so incredibly small. And the bruises around her wrists and neck. Newt could see where Kyle had placed each finger, and where his fingernails had dug into her skin. The dark purple contrasted with the pale of her skin beautifully, but the reason for the discolouration wasn't beautiful, it was tragic, and Newt practically collapsed at seeing her like this.

Zoe was his friend, and she lay here unconscious, unable to tell anyone the pain or sorrow she felt.

Newt knew what it was like to not be able to tell anyone about the pain.

Newt walked very slowly over to the chair placed next to her cot, as if it was waiting for him. He sat down, and reached out, slowly taking her left hand in both of his. He'd already done his before, after feeling the extreme guilt of having to hold Zoe down when they pulled the arrow out of her stomach, but now, now he felt the guilt of leaving her alone, letting Kyle touch her, hurt her, and almost succeed in killing her.

He set his head down on the edge of the cot, and let himself drift off, hoping that she'd be the one to wake him up in the morning.

~~~

Newt woke up to Zoe still unconscious, in the same state she was yesterday, and another small piece of him broke, if that was possible.

Newt wouldn't cry, he promised himself he wouldn't after he placed that leather cuff on his wrist and decided he'd be the strong one of the glade, the one who'd help everyone else when they were in need, but sometimes you make promises to yourself that are okay to break, and he did, as he let the tears fall, sitting next to Zoe, in the dark medjack hut.

He couldn't take the silence, and even if she wouldn't respond, Newt had to talk to Zoe, let her know what he thought and how he felt, what he'd gone through, and how he knew this was all his fault.

"It's all my fault" he whispered, his voice breaking.

Newt cleared his throat and spoke louder, if she was in there somewhere, she'd have to be able to hear him.

"It's all my fault, I left you alone and I shouldn't have. I'm so so sorry." The boy paused, not knowing what else's he could possibly say.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry, ever since I put this stupid piece of leather on my wrist to cover them up, I promised I'd be the one in the glade to bring light to everybody, but it seems that I can't. It's as if- as if you're the light now, I let you take over that job, and the darkness is starting to come back now that your light is so dim. From the moment I laid my eyes on you, you were the center of my world, you entered my galaxy, and became the sun."

Newt paused and smiled to himself "You're my sunshine, if you will."

"I wonder if you can hear any of this, and I'm hoping you can, but if you can't, I'll have to tell you in another lifetime, I love you Zoe, and I know you can't say it back, I know you won't say it back. How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine. I'm broken, I've been broken for a long time, and you've started to fix that, but now, just know that I'll see you again soon. If you can hear this, just know I love you, and what I'm about to do isn't your fault, it's mine, because this entire thing is my fault, and I can't bear that any more than I already am. If you can hear me, wake up, wake up and say it back. Change my mind. Stop me. Please."

Newt waited a few moments, watching as her breathing didn't change, her eyes didn't flutter open, her lips didn't part to return the words.

He gave a small sad smile and undid the leather cuff, placing it on her wrist instead.

"It's done it's part for me, now it can cover up your scars." He whispered, slowly standing and taking her in one last time.

Newt stood for more than a minute, staring at Zoe, before turning around and walking out of the medjack hut.

The glade was solemn, everyone was doing their jobs, but nobody laughed or joked, most of them didn't even take a plate that morning in the kitchens, afraid of the fact that they probably wouldn't keep it down.

Newt walked towards the doors of the maze, no one would question him, he was a runner after all. He figured Minho and Thomas were running, trying to get their minds off of things and blow some steam.

He walked up to the maze and turned to the right, looking at his name on the wall, just then realizing Zoe never got to put hers up there. Everyone had forgotten to show her the names on the wall. Newt's warm brown eyes filled with tears at the thought of Zoe having to put her name next to his after it had been crossed out, but he'd made up his mind.

It's better this way, for everyone.

Newt tore his gaze away from the names and directed it to the looming walls of the maze, the thick ivy that covered them.

He took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold, into the maze.

Newt took his time walking through the maze, enjoying the clear, fresh air, and taking in all the small details he'd failed to notice in the past, the griever marks on the walls, the way the ivy cling to the walls, and all the small pieces of the maze that had crumbled over the past two years.

Two years, Newt could only remember two years of his life, but it was enough for him. 

He walked for a few more minutes before coming to the tallest wall he could remember, walking up to it and reaching out, grabbing the ivy firmly, standing there gripping it until his knuckles had turned white. He looked up, and pulled on the ivy, making sure it was stable.

Then, Newt started to climb. He climbed with ease, inching closer to the top with each passing second. The hole in his chest only seemed to widen as he made his way up the wall, and Newt felt that this was finally it, he'd made it this far, and he could let go of the pain, all of it.

Newt got to the top and spun around, sitting, letting his legs dangle off the side of the wall. His hand reached down to touch the leather cuff on his wrist, when he remembered he'd given it to Zoe.

Zoe.

She'd been so kind to him, and she'd never forgive herself for letting him feel that he was responsible for what had happened.

Newt looked up at the sky. He loved the sky, and he felt like he always had.

Newt stood and put his toes just over the edge of the wall, looking down at the ground far below.

He felt as a single tear fell down his cheek.

One single tear, to signify what was about to happen. One tear, to show his pain.

He'd had a good few years.

He was willing to let go.

Newt was ready to die.

Newt closed his eyes, and felt the wind whip around him as he stood at the edge. He'd made up his mind, he couldn't take it back now. Newt could only hope that Zoe would forgive him for this someday.

With one final deep breath, he stepped forward, letting his foot go beyond the ledge, trying to catch solid ground, but finding only air.

Newt was gone.