Amanita: Poison Shot

Chapter 51: Namaste

Siegfried's tale had the power to freeze and melt any heart at the same time. Freeze because I had never listened to a more blood-chilling story about clone viciousness and cruelty in my entire life. Melt because all I wanted to do was hug him and never let him go.

Even tough guys need a hug, right?

I hoped I wasn't too straightforward in assuming as much because I already had my arms around him.

Since he was taller than me, I had my right cheek and ear on his chest. His heart was playing a melody that was going from a nice, soft hum to a raging vibrato in a couple of seconds. His body was irradiating a powerful heat, only matched in intensity by his apparent hesitation at that moment.

I noticed he swallowed once – and then, he hugged me back with tenderness. Next, he sighed softly, and I felt his warm breath on my hair.

I could not deny it anymore. I could not delude myself either. I liked him, and he liked me – a lot. I could tell.

Not only that. I realised something as vital as the fact that a combustion chamber needs a spark to start the engine: I cared for him. His hurt was hurting me. His nightmares were mine, as well. And mine also seemed to be his. I didn't want to lose him. I felt as I wanted his company no matter what, forever. I wanted to see him smile – to make him smile as often as I could achieve that. He deserved a better life, he deserved to find happiness.

Thanks to his openness, I became aware of the reasons why he was so stern and cold. Knowing his personal story and understanding him opened a door to something new and strong deep within my heart. It was a scorching feeling that cauterised any negative feeling or hesitation I had inside me.

I knew that I'd heal his wounds if he got hurt. I'd listen to him if he felt like opening up to me again about anything – if he chose to do so. But I knew I'd care for him regardless, and I knew the feeling was mutual.

From that moment on, I could imagine him silencing confidential information just for my sake because he'd care enough for me to not hurt me by telling me about what his job actually involved doing. I could imagine myself reciprocating by not arguing with him anymore, just keeping him company and sharing nice and warm moments of peace. Did that mean I loved him?

It wasn't his god-like physique. It was who he was that was drawing me in.

Could I imagine myself marrying him and having kids with him? I was nowhere near to even starting to consider that. I wasn't ready.

But I knew for sure that I wanted to be part of his life despite our ethical differences, of the secrets he might keep from me – like Amanita's main goal's operations. The previous day had been a perfect example of that. Agape had given me a task that wasn't as key as the job Siegfried and the rest of the rebels had on their laps, for obvious reasons. Anyway, I didn't think that I could handle the full scope of what Agape wanted to achieve and how. I was gladly in the darkness.

And then, I gathered enough courage to ask him something:

"Do you feel remorse?"

My question was a weak whisper, probably because I already knew the answer.

"No," he replied also whispering, but with no weakness whatsoever.

I slowly let him go. We were still extremely close to each other. When I looked back at his face, his eyes were soft on mine, but I could feel a tiny hint of worry deep within those dark brown eyes.

"None of us does, Daphne. Every single one of us has killed at least a clone before joining the group."

"Even Gabi?" I asked, dumbfounded. I found it hard to imagine such a clownish guy getting serious and murdering someone.