You're Gone and I've Gotta Stay High

Chapter 15

Really soon. *insert smirking face*

Alex insisted that we make this a proper date. I don't even think we had proper dates when we were dating. When we tried, they went wrong and we would end up just going to an arcade or blasting music somewhere and dancing.

I showered at around 6:00, an hour before he was coming to pick me up, and was currently trying to put an outfit together.

The date was a surprise so I wasn't sure how to dress. He just said "pretty and practical." That was pretty much anything I wore to work.

I decided on some slim fit jeans, a blue sweater, and some slip on vans. I let my hair fall into its natural waves and barely bothered with make up. After you dated someone for 3 years and they've seen you in every possible light, there was no impressing them (or disappointing them either I suppose.)

I scratched at my itchy lace bra strap as I sat on my couch waiting. I didn't want to admit that I picked attractive underwear in case Alex wanted to see it... but that was definitely why did it.

He knocked on my door right at 7.

I opened it and again, it was like stepping into a flashback. Alex stood there with his lopsided smile, in jeans and a Glamour Kills jacket, and hiding something behind his back. I smiled when I saw him and he revealed what was behind his back to be one single sunflower. I noticed how his eyes danced even in the dull hallway light.

"Hey there" he greeted me.

My cheeks flushed like we were kids and he was taking me to the school dance. "Hey."

Alex extended out his hand holding the sunflower and I took it between my fingers, twisting it.

"You remembered...."

"How could I forget?"

I moved so he could come in while I put my lone sunflower in a skinny vase. I filled the vase in the kitchen and Alex stood, pressing his shoulder and side into the door frame. It was ridiculous how handsome he was.

He wasn't traditionally handsome, no. He wasn't a movie star. He was obviously not "tall, dark, and handsome." He just had this look about him that made you love him. Maybe it was his messy hair or the crooked smile. Maybe it was his eyes that seemed to melt right through you. No matter what is was, he didn't fit into any of the different definitions of beauty most people know. His tattoos, his style, his attitude, and his looks were all his own. He was the type of handsome that was special but could attract anyone.

The most attractive thing about him though, was that he wore his love for music like a suit. Nothing in the world mattered more to him and it showed through in everything he did. Even when he spoke, music was involved.

He was goofy and he could be charming but overall, he was passionate.

I was sure that I had wasted an hour just drinking in how he looked against that frame when he took the vase from me and sat it in the middle of my table.

I sheepishly shoved my hands into my pockets and looked at my feet. Alex put his finger on my chin and titled up my face.

"God, you're beautiful Val."

I gulped and tried not to attack him right there in my kitchen.

"Let's go, you cheesecake" I picked.

"Cheesecake?" Alex asked as I dragged him out of the apartment.

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Alex only became more of a cheesecake when he took me to Central Park for a soft pretzel and a soda. We walked around eating our pretzels and talking about all the things we hadn't had the chance to. I told him about my new job and he told me about working on their last album.

And for the first time since we broke up, we didn't feel like two people who were confused and didn't know what we were or how we felt. We were old friends that were genuinely happy for one another in their success and happy to see each other. Even if under the surface we were both craving the thoughtlessness of the other night or the compassion of our once relationship.

After we finished our lame touristy portion of the date, Alex and I hailed a cab to Broadway. At the time I didn't know why, but the minute we got there it became clear.

A huge flashing sign read "Special Presentation of Peter Pan."

My eyes welled with tears and my throat burned. "Peter Pan?"

Alex smiled widely and took my hand in his. "I always promised to take you to Neverland."

Oh Alexander William Gaskarth, marry me right now. Anything that had went down between us suddenly seemed like a distant nightmare and all that mattered was that I was with him. I was done being depressed. I was done smoking away my problems and fading into my old memories. I wanted new ones. There was no more wishing Alex was back, he was right beside me.

I turned towards him and grabbed his face. I didn't care who yelled at us for being in the way or who stared and gaped at us. I needed to kiss him to express all my emotions.

Alex caught me around my waist and his lips reacted to mine. When we pulled away, his eyes were still shut and he was smiling brilliantly.

"What? We've kissed a lot since the show" I asked.

Alex shook his head and his eyes opened slowly.

"No Val, we've made out and had sex. That was a kiss. In it's purest form. You just kissed me because you felt something for me more other lust."

I took a deep breath and pursed my lips. It was hard to find the words to say even if they were sitting at the top of my tongue. Even if I had let them slip the other night. This was different.

"I love you Alex."

His eyes bugged out of his head and I swear I heard his heart stop.

But then he smirked and tightened his grip on my waist.

"I know you do. And I love you too." 

It felt good to say it again. Well say it on purpose. Because I truly meant it. I loved him and I never wanted to say another sentence in my life.

But what felt even better was watching Peter Pan with Alex beside me, whispering "Somewhere in Neverland" lyrics in my ear.