You're Gone and I've Gotta Stay High

Chapter 5

"Take a breath and let the rest come easy"

I didn't want to get up today. I didn't want today to happen. Because if today didn't happen, tomorrow didn't happen. And I definitely didn't want tomorrow to happen. I decided to go into work for a couple of hours. I needed to pick up my press pass and get everything ready.

And I mean, work seemed like a more productive distraction than drugs.

I showered and got ready for my last day of sanity. A black sweater dress, boots, and poorly done hair says sanity right?

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Sierra was the epitome of good mood when I came in.

"Valerie! Happy to see you! There's someone here for you!" Her Australian accent would normally brighten any morning but not today.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Who the hell could be here? It couldn't be.....

"He's in your office."

Oh dear God. HE?!?! Quick Sierra, is he an extremely good looking punk rock singer?

My heart was pounding as I trucked it to my office. It was, thankfully, one of those glass wall and door type deals so I could see who it was before actually facing them. When I got closer, I slowed my pace. I was about to round the last corner and placed my hand on my heart. It was about to spring from my chest. I took a deep breath and made the turn.

I could see a man standing in my office, his back turned towards me and looking out the window. But I would have never guessed who it was.

I walked into my office slowly and he turned around to see me.

"Jack?"

Jack smiled at me and his eyes filled with tears.

"Val! It's you!"

I didn't even think before I took off into his lanky and lovable arms. He held me against his chest and I breathed in his scent. It was like I was teleported back to tour bus days. If Warped Tour was a scent, it was the scent of Jack Barakat.

"Val... I've missed you so much."

He took a second to squeeze me against him and catch his breath before going on.

"Why didn't you call?"

I could hear the heartbreak in his voice and it caused me to ache. What have I done? Why didn't I call him? I was suddenly so mad at myself that I wanted to punch my glass wall.

"I've missed you too Jack. And I wanted to.... But I just couldn't take the pain. I know you aren't Alex but you're still a huge part of him. I just wanted to cut out everything that connected me to him"

We pulled back from our long embrace and Jack held me at arms length. "You look so different" he whispered.

My throat went dry and my lip started to quiver.

"You don't."

That seemed to be a common argument this week. 

And he did look the same. But just like with Roxy, that made me both happy and sad. His hair still resembled a skunk and his facial hair was still aging his childlike features. His big brown eyes still melted through me and made me think of Alex... They had such similar eyes. Thinking about Alex made me remember why Jack was here.

"I have to see him tomorrow..."

"I know."

Jack went on to explain that Roxy had called him and told him that I was coming and Jack asked their manager Matt to see if it was true. Matt told him yes but hadn't known it was me until then. As a group, the band and Matt (who I missed a lot too) decided to keep it from Alex.

"We all fought over who should come here. I won"

"You all wanted to come here?"

All this time and they all did still care about me. I was such a bitch.

"Of course. We love you. And we miss you..."

Jack bit his lip and seemed to be in deep thought. He went to speak at least three times before finally getting out his next sentence.

"He does too you know?"

I opened my mouth but closed it again. A little dazed, I sat on my desk and crossed my legs. "I doubt that Jack... didn't he get back with Lisa? Aren't they insanely happy together?"

Jack's eyebrows furrowed. "Val... they haven't spoken since the night you took off. He told her to get lost. It was quite the explosion. He just wanted you back... damn it Val! Why didn't you stick around?" His voice got louder as he continued and I knew it was a mixture of pain and anger. I was surprised that I was holding up so well. But one more thing and i was going to crash.

And that one more thing came not a second later.

"Why didn't you tell me goodbye?"

That did it.

I erupted into sobs and hid my face in my hands. I acted recklessly just because of one mistake and hurt everyone I cared about. Jack stood in front of me and placed his hand on my back. 

"I'll help you get through tomorrow ok? I promise Val."

I looked up and through to fingers to see that Jack was half-smiling. I loved him so much that my heart was bursting. He was, after all this time, still my best friend. I rested my head against his chest and he continued to rub my back.

I couldn't tell him everything. I couldn't tell him about getting high and I definitely wasn't going to tell him why I did it. So I just cried.

Jack told me he had to go for a rehearsal but that I should call him before I leave tomorrow and we'll go from there. I sighed and hugged him one last time. I just couldn't grasp the fact that he was here.

But when I left work that day, it came back to me that with Jack comes Alex. And I didn't want to grasp the fact that he was here.

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you had a Happy New Year! I've been writing some more chapters for this story so updates are coming at you! Enjoy!