Diary Of A Victim.

5

We both went to my room and sat there for so long . When I was calm I thought about everything that has happened. She deserved the punch. Sila James and her minions. I don't even know what I have started but I am ready to fight every single one who comes in my way to find my sister the peace and justice she deserves.
I took out the familiar black diary and read a few pages, every pages expressing how she went through everything and the way she tried to distract hersel from all those horrible things. Her nightmares, her depression, her suffocation . But what broke my heart was her suicidal thoughts.
She mentioned lines like: I wish I could stop everything. This pain....this suffocation.....I wish I could end everything.....just a cut through my veins or poison or hanging myself or jumping off of a building. But no, I won't... I am not a coward...I would never run away from my problems.

God help me.....can I please end myself.....I can't live like this.....please stop this pain.

It's hurting..... Every inch of my body hurts....... Every inch of my heart aches..... I have to stop this.......I can't go any longer.....

There were hundreds of lines like this. Anna supported and comforted me through all these. Whenever I had a breakdown, she helped me. And now I realise what she went through, not having anyone to talk to. She had me... But I guess she didn't want me to feel her pain. She was good like that. She didn't hurt us with her problems.

I carried in reading until I reached the page where she was ready to speak about it. I tried to gather all my confidence and courage and read the page.

15th August 2020
Saturday

Dear diary,

It's our birthday today, mine and Dayanara's . She hates it when I call her full name. It's our seventeenth birthday. She tried so hard to make me happy, but I just couldn't I failed her again. I am dragging her through my shit. She being the best sister in the world sensed my displeasure in party and celebration this year and cancelled everything. She didn't even accept gift from anyone. She gave me a pen though. I am writing with it now.
I love you Daya... Happy Birthday sister.

It's been one month since the incident. I will never be able to talk about that but I should and I will do it now.

That day I asked Daya to leave early since I had detention. I wish I never did. After the detention, I went over to Hayden, my best friend's house. When it started to get dark I decided to leave. The neighborhood was a bit dark and a dangerous place, but I decided to go anyway. I wish I never did. I felt followed. I brushed it off and continued to walk. I heard footsteps, not just one person's but a group of people's. I increased the speed and walked faster and faster soon I started running . I was right, I was being followed I heard the footsteps approaching faster . My heart was beating so loud ... So hard... I started panting. Lack of oxygen but I couldn't give up. I thought somebody might help me....anyone...but luck was not on my side. Soon someone stopped me from the front. My eyes blurry with all the tears , my hair was pulled harshly from behind . The person behind me brought a cloth to my nose and I lost all my consciousness. I fell into the arms of the one holding me.

I don't remember much but after a while I guess I opened my eyes. I was met with a different room. I don't really know whose house I was in but it wasn't mine anyways. I felt wet and looked down and was terrified, angry, broken and mostly I panicked. Blood dripping down my legs. Scratches , hickeys and cigarette burn marks all over my naked body. I wanted to scream for help but I couldn't. No sound came out of my mouth. Tears streamed down my bruised face. Every inch of my body aching. I averted my gaze around the room. What I saw was worst than knowing I was raped. Those faces. Those familiar faces. The faces I see everyday. If I didn't scream before, I did now. I screamed my throat out. I yelled for my life. I wanted someone to hear it. Anyone . Soon he came running to me with a cloth and pressed it to my nose losing the consciousness yet again.

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed. I still remember seeing the faces of my family. Everyone looked like they cried for hours.....like an ocean after a heavy tide. I was never the same person as I was before. Everything in me changed. I was changed. It affected everyone in my family. I will never be like the person I was before.

Delilah.....

I have never cried this way before. I was breaking. Anna couldnt comfort me . I cried for hours. Knowing that someone we knew did that to my sister, hurt me more than anything. Who could possibly want to hurt my sister. An angel she was. My blood was boiling. I will never let anyone who had a part in this to get away with what they had done.