Martyr | Yoonmin [1] (unedited)

chapter 50

"Lay down," Yoongi whispered and pushed Jimin down so that he was on his back.

It was almost a familiar setting. Yoongi would still speak to Jimin even if he never said anything back. Jimin would follow his commands - like an empty shell. It was the strangest feeling. For Yoongi, it was almost like Jimin never woke up, and he only dreamt about the last few weeks. Or Yoongi was still dreaming. The difference in this dream – if it was a dream – was that Jimin didn't have his blonde hair.

If he got up, would Jin and Namjoon be sitting in the living room?

He smelled good. Yoongi could smell his body wash from where he stood. Jimin's hair was still wet from his shower.

Jimin had wanted to return to his natural dark hair. Yoongi almost forgot how to breathe when Jimin stepped out of the washroom with the towel around his head after Jin helped him dye his hair. When he slipped off the towel, Jimin revealed his hair, and Yoongi couldn't stop staring. Jimin's black hair made his lips look red, and his eyes darker, but he was beautiful.

Yoongi had only known Jimin with blonde hair. The change in hair colour caught him off guard.

Yoongi needed to force himself to look away when he caught himself staring, and he was afraid he would make Jimin uncomfortable. It was tough knowing Jimin felt uneasy around them in the beginning. Now, Yoongi wasn't sure how to feel. It is almost like nothing had changed – it was almost like Jimin never woke up, which broke Yoongi's heart.

He lay next to him, careful to leave some space between him and Jimin.

Jimin's cheeks had turned a bright pink when he asked Yoongi how he looked. He didn't want to say something too forward that could freak him out. He had spent the whole night wondering if his compliment while they watched the movie – cringing at the thought that it was too forward or if it made Jimin uncomfortable. He couldn't focus on the film. Yoongi remembered how he and Jin needed to "tip-toe" around Jimin in fear that they might scare him off. The incident at the Facility almost ruined Jimin's trust in them.

"I should never have let you leave," Yoongi muttered. Jimin turned to look at him – their bodies only inches apart. "I thought it would be the best thing for you at the time,"

Jimin was looking at him, but Yoongi saw nothing in his eyes. Robotic. Unfeeling.

"Please," Yoongi whispered, cupping Jimin's cheek. "Come back,"

"I'm right here," Jimin answered.

Yoongi moved closer, and their faces nearly touched. "What happened to you in there?"

Jimin didn't blink. "I trained like I was told to, and we left the city to stay at the Manor where I trained more,"

"You left the city?" Yoongi propped onto his elbow. Jimin's answer surprised him. Taehyung, nor anyone, kept them in the loop. Yoongi had begged Namjoon to find out what was happening or ask when Jimin was coming home. They never told them anything. Yoongi just assumed Jimin was locked up in the Facility this whole time.

"It was nice," Jimin added. "The air is different there,"

"How did it make you feel?" Yoongi asked him, his hand pressed against Jimin's chest. He still was leaning on his elbow, looking down at Jimin, who was quiet. Maybe he was thinking about his answer. "How did you feel about staying there?"

Jimin didn't even look confused. He grabbed Yoongi's hand. "I don't know how I felt,"

"You have to feel something," Yoongi whispered. He wasn't sure if the pain he felt was from the fever or knowing Taehyung did something to Jimin. He leaned in and pressed his forehead on Jimin's chest.

"I don't feel a thing," Jimin stated. He reached down and lifted Yoongi's chin.

Yoongi felt like he was looking at a brick wall. "Did you feel anything when you were punching Taehyung?"

"No,"

"What made you do it?"

"I don't know,"

"Fuck," Yoongi sighed. "It was messed up, Jimin,"

Jimin stayed silent.

"It's not something you would ever do," Yoongi frowned.

"I'm sorry,"

"Are you?" Yoongi couldn't stand the monotonous tone. There was no remorse in his voice or in his eyes. Yoongi wanted Jimin to come home so badly. He hoped he was safe, and he hoped they weren't training too hard. I did what he asked me to do, Taehyung had said. Something happened that terrified Jimin that he didn't want to feel scared anymore.

"I guess not," Jimin answered. Yoongi felt his eyes sting. He wanted to rub his eyes before Jimin could notice, but Jimin had grabbed his hand. He sat up so that he is looking down at Yoongi now. "Why are you crying?"

Without fear of confrontation or worry, Jimin was a lot more straight forward. "I'm not crying,"

"Yes, you are," Jimin said. He pushed up his sleeve and wiped Yoongi's cheeks. "Are you sad?"

"No, I'm-" Yoongi stammered. "I'm not,"

Jimin's head tilted to the side. Yoongi couldn't tell if Jimin was observing or studying him. "What's wrong, then?"

"Nothing's wrong," Yoongi sighed heavily. He rubbed his eyes roughly. He wanted him home so badly. "I'm just glad you're here,"

Jimin blinked. "How was I supposed to feel? Punching Taehyung?"

Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't know, and no one can tell you how to feel, Jimin,"

Yoongi noticed Jimin clenched his jaw. For a second, Jimin looked perplexed or confused, which quickly disappeared. Jimin reached up and cupped Yoongi's cheeks.

Yoongi's heart was racing when he felt him inch forward. His lips were soft. If Yoongi was dreaming, then he didn't care if he never woke up. He felt his lips part, and he felt a rush of warmth in his stomach. Time felt frozen, even for a split second. He pressed his body closer to him and gripped Jimin's shirt.

Yoongi pushed him off. "What are you doing?"

"Isn't what you wanted?" Jimin asked him. This wasn't what he wanted. Not like this.

Yoongi wanted him. He ached to kiss him again. "What was that for?"

"Before I left, you kissed my cheek," Jimin stated. "I thought if I kissed you, you would be happy and stop crying,"

Yoongi had no idea what to say. "Jimin, I don't want you to kiss me because you think I want you to kiss me," Jimin didn't look away, his hands still holding him. Yoongi was shaking, and he couldn't control his breathing. "I want you to kiss me because you love me,"

Yoongi heard the screech of brakes outside of the apartment.

Jimin didn't say anything, and Yoongi didn't want to ask him. It would break him.