Fall Inlove Again

FIA30- Goodbye

I'm wearing my fierce look since I entered the bar. Pinagtitinginan ako ng ibang kalalakihan pero binalewala ko lang ito. Hindi ako pumunta dito para makipaglandian pumunta ako dito para magpakalunod sa alak. Two days from now is my damn wedding. Malapit na mamatapos ang masasayang araw ko. My heart ached ng malala ko na hindi ko pa sinasabi kay Austin nanikakasal ako sa iba.

Dumaretsyo ako sa bar counter. Halatang gulat na gulat si Cole ng makita ako. He was my favorite bartender in this city. He brows furrowed a little, "Long time no see, Celestine." Aniya.

I smiled, "Me too." Bati ko pabalik.

He smirked wifely dahilan ng pinagtaka ko, "What?" I asked him.

He shrugged, "I heard your Austin's girl." His lips turned grin.

I rolled my eyes, "Wow, hindi ko alam na tsismoso ka pala Cole."

"Silly, I'm one of their circle ."

"You mean your one of Austin friend?" nanlalaki kong mata na tanong sa kanya.

He nod, "Yes, I am." He proudly said.

Hindi ko alam na ganito pala karami ang yaong kasama sa circle of friends nila Austin. What do I expect syempre they full of gorgeous hunk man.

"By the way, what are you doing here? Alam niyang nandito ka sa Bar?" pag-uusisa niya, "Austin is very strict playboy type. Lagot na oagnalaman niyang nandito ka..... at mag-isa."

I rolled my eyes, again. Kailan pa naging tsismoso ang isang ito? Pero ng marinig ko ang pangalan ng taong mahal ko ay naninikip ng sobrang ang aking baga na oarng ilang sandali ay kakapusin ako ng hininga. I'm such unlucky lady, is there any cure about this cursed in love? Ang malas ko naman pagdating sa pag-ibig. Hindi pala siya ang taong maghihintay sa akin sa dulo ng altar. My groom is my fucking old acquaintance not my boyfriend.

Napailing ako, nandito ako para magpakalunod at hindi isipin ang aking problema. Kahit isang araw, isang araw na malaya ako at walang problema. Hindi pa ba sapat ang problema na ikinaharap ko noon? Maybe it's not enough to commit in everlasting love.

I smiled bitterly, "Just serve my favorite drink, Cole." I command.

He sighed in defeat, "Coming.." he said.

Habang ginagawa niya ang drinks ko ay napadako ang tingin ko sa alon ng mga taong sumayaw sa dance floor. They dancing in wild wave of music. Kita mo ang saya nila sa kanilang labi. A half of customer alam ko nandito para magpakalunod sa malalim na pag-iisip.

I rested my elbow in the counter. I sighed, my whole body is numb. I felt nothing. I felt lost in the dark, again. I'm alive but deep down inside of me is dead. My soul is dead in expectation. Expectation to live in happy life again. Happy life without any challenges.

The moment he served my vodka mabilis ko itong nilagok. Mainit na likido ang gumuhit sa aking lalamunan. My whole body is heated. Kailan na ba yung huling nakainom ako ng hard liquor? Siguro ng mahalin ko si Austin. I felt so weak on my third shot of vodka.

After living in a blissful life, here I am, starting to caged myself again with pain. Months is not enough for me to live again in full of butterfly feelings. Pansamantala lang pala yung saya na takasan ko noon.

Tumawa ako ng pagak ng pumasok ang salitang fate sa aking utak. Fate still playing my world. Fate is not letting me feel happy again. Where I could find my sweet haven. Fate won't let me go where I could belong. Tama nga, kahit anong takbo mo sa masamang bangungot ay pilit niya parin humanap ng maliit na butas para ipaalala sa iyo na hindi mo siya matatakasan kahit anong pilit mo.

My life is futile, again and again. My life is so suck and I hated it so much to hell. Kung kailan nakahanap na ako ng ilaw sa mundo ko saka pa mawawala. Patikim lang pala ang pinadanas sa akin. I'm craving for more pero maraming tutol at iyon ang masakit. Masakit na kahit anong gawin mo para makuha mo lang iyon ay may gagawa ng paraan para hindi mo iyon makamit. Bakit pa ako nabuhay kung ganito na lang lagi. Laging pinapatikim sa akin ang hindi ko naman deserved.

"Give me a shot again." Utos ko kay Cole. Worry and fear written on his face.

"But it was your 10 shots of-" I suddenly cut him off.

I groaned, "I'm your customer and 10 shots is not enough." Malamig kong sabi.

Kahit nakailang shots na ako ay hindi pa din nababawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Hindi pa ako nalukunod sa hilo. Nasa tamang wisyo pa ako. Naramdaman ko ang init sa aking sistema pero hindi pa iyon sapat.

He let out a deep sighed, "psh, fine." He said, "Where the hell you are?"

"Who?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Nothing." He said in suspicious tone

Patuloy parin akong umiinom not minding Cole's stare. I reach my limit, I'm really drunk. I drunk to get wasted to night. I drunk to get hell out in our house. Nakita kong umalis saglit si Cole sa bar counter. Now, I'm alone nagsosolo flight. I tried to call my damn cousin I'm disappointed because she was in Palawan for her upcoming runaway. Pasuray-suray akong nagtungo sa pintuan. Siguro tama na ang nainom ko kaya pwede na akong umuwi. I didn't get any fun today and that hurts my ego.

Ilang dipa na lang para makalabas ako ay hindi ko inaasahan na matapilok ako. J closed my eyes tightly hinhintay bumagsak sa matigas at malamig na sahig. Nakailang bilang ako kung babagsak ako pero to my surprised I fell on someone arms. Mahigpit ang pagkakapulupot ng kamay niya sa aking katawan. My heart beat stopped jn a moment. I met his beautiful eyes, I bit my lower lip so hard I could taste blood inside my mouth. Hindi ako nanaginip! Totoong nasa harao ko siya nakapulupot ng mabuti ang matipuno niyang kamay.

His eyes were filled with worries. He looked very tired and stressed but his lips curved into smile lit up his face. Why is he smiling even I made him like this. On the day I introduced him to Trevor pinutol ko lahat ng communication na meron kami. Hindi ko na kayang magpanggao sa harap niya na wala akong problema. I'm such a jerk for making him feel this way. He doesn't deserve me as his girl. We not meant to be.

But I half of me, jumping in triumph because he was here infront of me. He was caging me into his arms. I want to hug and kiss him. I want to scream and shout to the top of my lung how much I want him and how much I love him dearly and how desperate I am to be his.

I want to hold him forever. I want to feel him rubbing my skin to his. I want him. I want my sweetie, my Austin.

"Your drunk, sweetie." Seryoso niyang wika sa akin. His voice made me quiver, I miss his damn voice. I miss everything about him

Sa simpleng wika niya ay natauhan ako. Nagising ako sa aking kalasingan. Mabilis ko siyang tinulak at tumayo ng mabuti na para bang hindi ako nalasing. I missed him but its not enough to be with him. Rumehistro ang gulat sa kanyang mata sa aking ginawa. He stiffened jn shocked. I took one step background. I want to tangled myself to him but I'm hurting for keeping secret to him. Being without beside him is killing me deeply and taking my breath away.

I balled my fists tightly. Darn it! Control your damn system Celestine. Your not yet ready to face him. Tumalikod ako para hindi niya makita ang aking nag-uunahang luha na nagsisihulog sa aking mata. Without any words mabilis akong tumakbo palabas.

Paglabas ko ng bar ay napahawak ako sa aking dibdib. Ang sikip sikip sobrang sikip. Kinakapos ako ng hininga. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya sa simpleng pagtaboy ko. Kaya tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya dahil hindi ko kayang salubungin ang sakit na dunaloy sa kanyang mata.

Gusto kong simigaw sa inis ng hindi ko maipasok mabuti ang susi ng aking kotse. I need to go far away from this place, far away to Austin
Kung nasa tabi niya lang ako hindi ata makokontrol ang sarili ko na itapon ko ko ang buong ako sa kanya. I need to think, space and to have a fresh air down to my lungs. I need to escape for awhile in pain, in everything.

Nagulat ako ng may mahigpit na kamay ang pumulupot sa aking braso dahilan ng ikinalingon ko. Fuck! Bakit niya ako hinabol? Bakit nandito siya sa aking harapan? Bakit?

"What the hell sweetie? You've been reached out! Are you avoiding me? If its yes, it's fucking hurts to hell." I could sense frustration and desperation on his voice, "What the hell happened to you, this past few days?" he added.

I closed my eyes and I gathered up my courage to speak, "Stop." Yun na lang ang salitang lumabas sa aking bibig. Nagtakang napahinto si Austin sa aking utos.

"May mali ba, Celestine." He persistently asked.

Instead of answering his question I let out my tears forming because of pain. I was blinded by my tears. Nabigla si Austin sa mabilis kong pag-iyak. Umiiyak ako sa harao niya ng hindi niya alam ang rason. Hinapit niya ako padikit sa kanya. Kinulong niya ako sa kanyang bisig. Buong minuto ay ginawa lahat nila Austin para mapatahan ako.

Nang mahismasan ako ay doon lang ako kumawala sa kanyang yakap. With the back of my hand, I wipe some tears away. I looked at him straight, "Can you take me with you?" I suddenly asked.

He sighed in defeat, "Let's go." He said.

Iginaya niya ako sa kanyang kotse. Pagpaupo ko ay doon ko lang naramdaman ang epekto ng alak sa aking sistema. Dahil sa kalasingan ay napapikit ako ng mata hanggang sa hinila ako ng antok.

Sana huminto ang oras para mas makasama ko ng matagal si Austin. Mas matagal ay mas masakit. Masakit dahil hindi niya alam ang rason behind my coldness.

Naalimpingatan ako ng maramdaman na buhat ako ng matipunong kamay. Dahandahan ko iminulat ang aking mata. Bumungad sa akin ang mukha ng taong mahal ko. Naramdaman ko ang malabot na sofa sa aking likod. Inalalayan niya akong mahiga. Ang mata ko ay pinagmasdan lang siya naglakad palayo sa akin. Pagbalik niya ay may hawak siyang kumot.

Nakaluhod siya sa aking harapan. Habang ang kanyang kamay ay tinatanggal ang ilang takas ng aking buhok na humaharang sa aking mukha.

"What happened, sweetie?" mahinahon niyang tanong, "Papatayin mo ako sa pag-aalala sa iyo buong araw. I waited for you to talk to me tyen Cole report to me that you are in the bar with any accompany."

"I want to freshen up my mind." I replied.

"Why? Is there something wrong that you want to discuss with me?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a family problem." pag-aamin ko sa kanya, "I'm sorry for making you worried, sweetie." I added.

I held his chin close to me and showering kisses all over his face that made him giggled.

"That's the least I can do as your boyfriend, Celestine." Malumay niyang sabi.

"How sweet of you." Nakakaloko kong wika.

"Tsk! Because I'm damn your boyfriend what do you expect me to do? Nakatunganga lang sa cellphone ko at maghihintay sa I love you's mo." Maarte niyang sabi.

I gently stroke his hair, "Daming dada ang sabihin mo ay namiss mo lang ako pati na din ang katawan ko." Natatawa king sambit sa kanya.

I missed this kind of moment. Yung simpleng usapan lang tungkol sa ibang bagay. Yung simpleng akap lang na magbibigay init sa lamig ng simoy ng hangin. Yung simpleng halik lang pero libong kahulugan. Yung simpleng salita lang na magpapakilig sa damdamin ko. Being with him is simple. But being not with him is hella bad days.

My eyes started to scan his face. A familiar biterness groaned in my stomach. Ngayon araw gusto ko munang isipin ang sarili ko na kasama siya dahil konti na lang ang araw na makakasama ko siya.

He smirked, " A little bit but I missed you everything about you." He said as his eyes lit with desire

I found myself brushing my lips to his. I smiled when I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I placed my hands to his hair. I giggled when Austin showering kisses down to my neck.

He pulled away, we were both panting because of heat filled in us. Nagulat ako ng buhatin niya ako. Napaupo ako sa kanyang binti. Namula ang pisngi ko ng naramdaman ang sandata niya.

He smirked ng mapansin ang paghalukipkip ko, "Want me to take you?" he asked.

I leaned on his ear, "Then fucking do it." I command.

With anyword his soft lips went to my jaw. Austin hands rested to my waist. A few second, Austin's eyes met mine. His kissable red kips touched mine. A small moaned escaped to me as he nibbled my lips. He took advantage to slid his tongue inside of my mouth.

"Austin." I hroaned. His other hand slid inside my clothes. His hand skillfully unlocked the strao of my bra. After he succeed he finally lift up my clothes. Tinulungan ko siyang tanggalin hanggang sa underwear ko na lang ang natitira kong saplot.

I looked him. I can see a glint of admiration of my body, "Kahit ilang beses ko ng nakita ang katawan mo hindi parin ako nagsasawang panoorin iyan." Aniya.

He locked his eyes into me as he unzipped his pants and take off his shirt tanging boxer niya na lang ang natitira. I looked at his face down to his massive chest and my eyes drifted slowly to his fucking hard bulge that was wedged inside his boxers. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa kumot ng maramdaman ang mainit niyang halik pababa sa aking dibdib, tiyan hanggang sa tela ng aking underwear. I can feel my wetness as he play his tongue, circling to the cloth of my underwear.

He teasingly slid down my underwear using his mouth. Pinanood ko lang siya hanggang sa tuluyan na niya itong natanggal. Binalik niya ang kanyang labi sa aking labi.

Sweetie, you're already wet huh." He whispered

Austin mouth started licking and sucking my left nipple while his free hand is massaging my right breast. It gives me too much pleasure but I want more. i put my hands on his head gripping his beautiful hair. I can feel the temperature rising up in the four corners of the room.

I know I'm drown to this sensation. I moaned as his bit the crown of my breast. His left hands gently rubbing my thigh making a swift tickles.

"Fuck!" I moaned as he went down to my tummy, kissing and sucking, I let him leaving little kisse marks.

His tongue started to this my thong and circling my clit. Pinapanood ko lang siya habang ginagawa niya iyon ganun din siya pinapanood niya aking reaksyon. I let out a loud moan as he let in out his tongue. Austin tongue's moved faster and faster. I feel my orgasm coming out to my pussy.

"Austin, sweetie, I'm cumming." I whispered between my moan.

"Then cum." He command and I give him a nod.

My eyes widen as he licked my juices pooled out of me.

"Ba-bakit mo yun ginawa?" nauutal at nahihiya kong tanong sa kanya.

He shrugged, "I just want to taste your juice." He replied.

My eyes squinted a bit as his fingers rubbing my core. I can't describe the so much sensation I'm feeling. Austin fingers expertly playing every part of my womanhood. His two fingers we're so magical playing in the rhythm.

"Sweetie!" I whispered.

"Keep moaning." He grinned as he saw me squirm in arousal.

I felt a droplet of tear to the side of my eyes. I'm not crying in pain, my crying because I want more, more than this thing. I felt my knees wobble a bit.

"Austin, please." I plea

His brows lifted and grinned, "Please what?" he asked as he continue playing my womanhood.

"Fuck!" I yelled, "Just enter your fucking manhood! I can take it anymore."

He chuckled, "I don't want to because I'm not yet satisfied." Maangan niyang saad, "Pero sige kung gusto mo." Aniya.

Austin stand up and remove his boxer. My cheeks heated as I saw his glory standing proudly. I swallowed hard, seeing his glory.

My eyes drifted to his eyes I saw him smirked of my reaction. I shyly looked away.

"Look at me." He command. Dahandahan akong tumingin sa kanya.

I bit my lower lip to stop my mouth from moaning but to my disappointment I failed. Soft rough moan of pleasure escaped from my mouth.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nod, "Yes please."

"Okay as you wish." He said and he cupped my cheeks. Austin kiss me again, I don't know why but i can taste myself to his mouth.

He parted my legs widely. He enter his manhood slowly my eyes squinted as I feel his manhood filled my core. Tears streaming down to my face. He gasped when he saw my tears. He leaned close to me, Austin kissed my tears. After that I felt his nibbled my lips passionately.

Austin started gentle slowly, he intertwined our hands as he moved in and out. I shout his name as he moves faster as he does the same. The room filled our voices.

"Faster, sweetie." I softly beg.

"Okay, sweetie." He said and kiss my forehead.

He moves faster and faster. I never thought this night could be this pleasurable.

I felt something liquid building inside of me. My eyes widen in awe as he faster.

"Austin, sweetie." Aniya, "Cum now." He said.

We both reached our climax. i felt the hot liquid lingered between us. We both breathed heavily. Austin collapsed beside me. We were both tired, sweating.

"I love you, Austin, Sweetie." I said before closing my eyes

I lay beside him ng matapos akong magshower. Austin sleeping soundly. Umupo ako sa sahig at pinagmasdan ang gwapo niyang mukha. I gently stroke his hair and humming a random sleepy sound.

Swallowing the lump in my throat. My face heated as tears pooled in my eyes. I felt my heart being shuttered all over. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko para pigilan ang hikbi na kakawala sa aking bibig.

"I love you..." I whispered again and again. Hindi ko alam kung nakailang banggit na ako non sa kanya kahit alam ko namang hindi niya ito maririnig.

"I love you...... your to good for me but our dream shuttered. Ilang araw na lang ay ikakasal na ako pero hindi sa iyo at iyon ang pinakamasakit. The fate was cruel and I hated it. I want to choose my happiness but I can't . Buhay ng pamilya ko ang nakakasalalay at maling desisyon ko ay iyon ang pinakamasakit na paraan. This time I will choose my family over my own happiness. Kahit masakit...." I mumbled.

I kiss his forehead, eyes brows down to his eyes, to the tip of his nose and his lips. This will be the last I will taste his luscious lips. Napangiti ako ng bigla niyang tinawag ang aking pangalan.

I wiped my dry tears and for the last time, I let out a deep painful sighed, "Sweetie, I love you.... Goodbye.." I whispered