Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Twenty-Three: 'cause my fight within

Sakura chewed on her lip, a nervous habit formed over the many, long years of her existence. Anxiety didn't let her rest as she should, fear and worry pooling in her gut, writhing about like snakes. She was going out to slay a dragon once more, and that fact in itself brought forth a greater likelihood of inadvertently revealing herself as one. Revealing herself to her soulmate who was on the cusp of figuring it all out. Exposing her as the monster she was. Her heart clenched at the thought, fear making that icy block within her chest thud dangerously fast. She didn't want to lose that which she had then. Selfish, the voice whispered then, and Sakura stared out at the beautiful light of the moon, shame welling up through her.

She ought to have been preparing for the inevitable – for the hatred and atonement by death which would follow the reveal of that which she was. If she could even atone by death that was, given the severity of her crimes... Sighing, she hurried back inside, not wanting to linger out on the balcony in full view of others, unsightly as she was. How could no one know?

Because you're a terrible creature of deception, the voice supplied, and Sakura only nodded in agreement, throwing herself on the bed, closing her eyes as if she could forget all that had happened, and all that those actions were leading to. She was toeing a line which would all too soon be crossed, and her world would crumble. Burnt to ash. That was nothing bar an apt comparison.

But nothing more would be burnt to ash through her flames. That she swore. She was done wearing that other, scaled form of hers. But you can never, ever stop being a dragon – stop being what Melkor made you, the voice said. That's what you are now, and it's all you'll ever be in your soulmate's eyes.

A wretched creature of the Enemy. Monster. Destroyer.

She who ruins all, the voice said then. A pretty title, don't you think? Sakura snorted softly, the sound hopeless and miserable. It wasn't as though she could deny it. She probably did deserve that title – she was a dragon. The only skin changer with such a wicked form. The largest winged dragon ever to grace the skies of Arda. Not that the skies were all that grateful for the existence of dragons. They were more the domain of the Great Eagles who had fought on the sides of everything good and pure in that world.

Sakura flopped down on her bed, sliding under the covers then, pulling the blankets over her head as though they would protect her from any prying, accusing eyes. Part of her wished the night would linger forever, hiding her, like how the darkness hid all the ugly creatures of the world, as well as anything which wanted to be hidden away. But morning came – as it always did, and always would until the world's remaking.

Sunlight dawned on the horizon, warm and bright, but Sakura felt nothing but cold as she dressed herself, sliding into armour and fastening it up, readying herself to face the day. She could only stare at her reflection in the mirror, feeling like a fake, an imposter, as she stood there, decked in elven-made armour. It had been something crafted for her. She ran her fingers over the smooth, hard leather, tracing the cursive and leafy designs set upon it. Suitable for elven made armour, but not suitable for a dragon who had done nothing bar burn foliage and everything green to the ground. But still it made that icy thing inside her chest move somewhat. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever given her anything ever like a gift. It made that traitorous heart of hers feel warm and mushy.

Only because he doesn't know, the voice whispered, ever a reminder of the true state of things in that world, and Sakura tried her damnedest to make her heart stop feeling anything. But that was rather like trying to change the tide; impossible. Well, impossible for her to do on her lonesome. And you'll always be on your lonesome, the voice murmured, reminding her of the fact that there was nothing but loneliness waiting for her in the future. Once all the secrets came out.