Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Seventeen: ay, oh, I know (I feel it in my-)

The waters she submerged herself in were warm and oh so very welcoming after the stressful day she'd had. No thanks to her soulmate, Sakura mused bitterly as she stretched out in the large, private tub. Noeneth had been kind enough to show her how to draw heated water for that evening, and Sakura had happily done the job herself despite the protests from the elleth herself, along with literally everyone else she had met on the way up. Apparently, she was meant to be too injured to handle heavy lifting, but Sakura hardly cared for the twinge of pain in her chest. She'd had worse. She'd had so much worse. Besides, getting hurt while protecting her soulmate from harm... Sakura nodded to herself. Those were the best kind of injuries someone could get. Especially her. Though it would never be enough to let him forgive her for the many atrocities she had committed in years long past.

In the privacy of her bath, the inky lettering was exposed, and her fingers traced the delicate script. It was such beautiful writing. Such a beautiful name. She hated her own name on his skin. It had been so very unsightly.

Sighing, she screwed her eyes shut, wishing she could go back and undo it all – the terror and the pain she had caused. She wished she could go back and tell herself that if she just held on a little longer, then maybe she'd be able to find that which had eluded her in her last incarnations there. But now she was forever destined to be hated. Taking a shaky breath, she dived under the waters, enjoying the darkness of the element which was her antithesis. But no amount of water could undo the fire and sorcery which had made her that which she was.

But it could take away your life, the voice whispered, lurking still in the depths of her mind, and Sakura opened her eyes in that underwater world, watching as the bubbles of air escaped her. It's not like you really deserve this life of yours. Tears didn't come to her eyes, and Sakura hugged her knees to her chest. She could still remember that strong arm which had pulled her up and out of the waters, and she wished it were there now – wished that he would be able to stare at his name upon her skin and welcome her into those warm arms still.

It was so terribly wrong of her to wish for those sorts of things.

The moon was high up in the sky by the time she pulled herself out of the water, the air cold upon her bare skin as she dried off. Her arm, and the damning name upon it was the first thing to be covered back up amidst the constant reminding whispers of you don't deserve him. "I know," she murmured in response, closing her eyes again, wishing that when she opened them she wasn't still trapped in an elven realm. But reality was cruel to her.

She was going to be there for years to come.

::

"Lothien..."

Sakura stiffened at the sound of Glorfindel's voice, a practiced smile coming to her lips while her eyes begged him not to torment her with that which she could never had. "Good morning to you too," she said, silently noting the way other elves left them to their business. Sakura wondered if they knew of the magnetic pull the pair of them seemed to have with each other. If they could sense it in the air somehow. She wondered who of them suspected they were soulmates, and the damning consequences of that matter.

"It has been so far," he remarked, that smile Sakura knew far too well by that point in time. It seemed so relaxed and happy even in her horrible presence. "I hope yours has been the same." He seated himself down next to her, his visage almost larger than life. Then again, the skin she wore was so very small and dainty. She hated it.

"Yes," she replied, nodding. How could she be anything but happy in an elven realm? She was a normal human being, and those were meant to be happy in places where the forces of 'light' were the strongest. Imladris would count as chief amongst them. Oh, if only she was. Rather, she was a filthy creature of the dark. She wondered when her soulmate's light would begin to burn. She wondered if it would remind her of the fires which had once made her into that which she was to that very day. It would be a fitting end. Most of her promising endings in that place would no doubt be something of the sort. She wondered which would come for her in the end.