Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Four: fallin' every time that I do

Her lungs felt like they were about to burst.

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe—

Her ankle snagged on a tree root, and Sakura stumbled forwards, tucking into a neat roll as she hit the ground. Foot throbbing, she climbed back to her feet slowly, a wince prying its way free from her frozen lips. She was an idiot. A big fat coward.

Around her, the wind whistled, and Sakura could hear the whispers on it. Or were they the whispers in the back of her head? She didn't know. All that she knew was that now she was apparently running away from her problems.

Just like you ran away from Konoha, that snide voice whispered in the back of her mind, and it was at times like those where she really missed Inner. But she had accepted that part of her, and they had become one once more. One battered soul stitched together, like an old teddy bear, by Melkor and his machinations. Sakura chewed on her lip, hating the tears which ran down her cheeks, thick and hot.

"We consider yeh family."

Sakura shook her head, trying to chase away the sound of Gilithien's voice rattling about in her skull. How could they consider her family? She was a monster, and it showed in her eyes. They shifted then, something within those horrid eyes of hers, and Sakura blinked at the sharpness which had suddenly descended upon her vision. She wasn't using her chakra then. Still gasping for breath, she hobbled her way through the forest, stopping only when she reached the river a good distance away. There was a waterfall there, and it was wonderfully quiet.

Even with her throbbing ankle, it was fairly easy to shimmy her way behind the roaring waters, and into the little cave she had found there on one of her many adventures. When Fainbarad hadn't been there to caution her, because what if she slipped and fell into the waters? Sakura snorted. She had chakra, unlike him. She wouldn't be felled by a bit of water, even if it was her polar opposite. Well in every life except her first.

Sighing, she stuck her hand into the stream, relaxing ever so slightly at the silky, cool feeling of the waters she had once been able to manipulate. Fire had come with Inner. With all the changes wrought to her body and soul at the hands of—

Her fist slammed into the cave floor, uncaring about the sting of pain which followed. She wanted to feel pain. She wanted to feel the pain she deserved. She had been lingering at Fainbarad's house, not telling them of the monster she was. But now Fainbarad was so close to figuring it out – figuring out what a monster she was.

Sakura didn't want to be a monster.

She wanted to go back – back to her first life and tell herself to never get involved with Uchiha Sasuke. She wanted to go back to a time before Melkor had messed with her soul itself. Before she became what she had that day. Before she had unleashed her fires upon her foes. But reality was a cruel mistress.

She was a monster.

Her soulmate would never accept her.

Now the two people she had grown to care about were going to find out about what a horrible being she was. About what past sins she carried. Her hands curled into fists, shaking and white. Well, that snide voice whispered, they wouldn't discover anything for certain if she didn't go back... didn't confirm their horrifying suspicions. Sakura screwed her eyes shut, a whimper escaping her then. She sounded like a wounded animal. A wounded monster. But it wasn't physical pain that hurt her so. Mental anguish was a bitch.

She didn't want Fainbarad's eyes to turn cold. She didn't want to have to hear him say, "Get out of my house, monster." Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes at the thought of that happening.