Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Ten: never let me feel the pain

Consciousness came back to her slowly, tiredness clinging to her eyes, ensuring they were sufficiently heavy and hard to open. A groan left her lips, an all too familiar pain coursing through her body as she struggled to sit up. "Ouch," she muttered, wincing as the bruises she knew would form on her chest finally awoke with a blistering pain. Part of her wondered what sort of madness had overcome her the night before, the other half immediately cottoning on to the fact that a certain golden-haired elf was still beside her. Her Valier damned soulmate was still sitting next to her, watching her with those curious grey eyes of his as she pulled herself from her slumber. A soft sigh escaped him then, and Sakura risked meeting his stare, eyebrow raised in question.

"I see you did not have Lindion treat your injuries yesterday," Glorfindel remarked, and Sakura scowled as she heard the scolding tone in his voice. "Perhaps you might rethink your decision before we depart for Rivendell..."

"I will be fine," Sakura ground out. She was no stranger to pain, and she would do nothing which might involve her having to take off any items of clothing. He could never see the soulmark. Never know how they were connected – how they were meant to be bound together until the end of time itself. "Wait," she said, head snapping up. "Why are we going to Rivendell?" Why in the name of everything not Morgoth were they going to an undoubtedly elven settlement? She was a dragon. Someone who had killed many of their number before. She would never be welcomed in a such a place, and any protections spun over an elven dwelling would undoubtedly scorn her so.

"Many of our companions are injured and cannot be properly treated in such a place as this," he explained, raising an eyebrow as he glanced pointedly between those gathered around the dying embers of the campfire. "So perhaps if you fail to heed my advice, you might find some treatment for those injuries of yours at our destination."

"I am fine," she muttered, so beyond done with her nosy soulmate. Who was probably drawn to her through whatever supernatural connection soulmates were... She certainly couldn't stop her eyes from drifting back to him time and time again, even though she scolded herself each time it happened. He wasn't hers to have. She didn't deserve him. No matter how she longed to tangle her fingers in those golden locks. She was a dragon through and through. Sakura was only fortunate there weren't any gold coins or jewels around, otherwise she'd probably do something stupid, like try to hoard them.

Glorfindel only hummed, scepticism drawn all over his face, and Sakura felt her jaw tense. Truly, she wanted nothing more than to scream her frustrations to the sky. Why did he have to be so close, and yet so terribly far away at the same time? Why did he have to tease her with warm smiles which she could never have? Not if he knew who she truly was. "If you say so, Lothien," he said, and Sakura could practically taste the condescension in the air.

Spite was an excellent motivator though, so when Aravir informed her they were moving, Sakura climbed to her feet, face not betraying a single inch of her pain. She could bear that much, no big deal. It wasn't as though she didn't deserve the suffering. The pain she knew she had brought unto the elves was far worse. So how could she dare complain about the miniscule amount of pain she was in? She was a monster, and she could deal with the pain she so rightly deserved. A dragon had dealt the pain to her. Her very kin had made her feel that much pain – the price of slaying kin.

Her breath came in sharp pants, the bruise stretching across her chest and back making every breath a painful one. Silently, she pondered whether she might have broken, fractured, or at the very least bruised some of her ribs. She wasn't as good at healing anymore. Indeed, she hadn't really tried there in that place, because there was an odd sort of rule followed in that world. Those who dealt in death were diminished in their ability to heal. And Sakura had dealt in so much death. Fire and death – it surrounded her like a cloak. Like a thick smog which came for her and suffocated her until it was a struggle to just breathe. She couldn't undo what she'd done – unwrought what she had wrought. Her history there was set in stone, woven into the tapestries in Aman and Arda, and try as she might, she could do naught about that. She was a monster. She wasn't human. She wasn't worthy of her soulmate who walked beside her in that very instant. He was good. Kind in ways that she wasn't. Ways she knew she could never be. He was noble and respected by everyone around him. She wasn't. She would be despised. Hated. Because of what she had become, because of what she had done.