Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Fifteen: slippin' down the hour glass

She woke ever so slowly, eyes crusted with sleep as they opened languidly. She hated those eyes of her – that disgusting green colour they were. It only proved how very toxic she was to all life there. Especially her soulmate's. Her stomach rumbled, and Sakura frowned at the steaming bowl of a creamy soup left on her bedside table. Someone had evidently just been there. She hoped it wasn't her soulmate. Body feeling ever so heavy, she reached out for the tray, settling it on her lap before she stared out the open window, the gentle breeze brushing the curtains inwards. The soup was warm, just at the right temperature to eat, but Sakura couldn't really taste the flavour. She supposed it was only natural that a dragon couldn't taste the wonders of elven cooking. Sakura still ate though, because it had undoubtedly been a while since she had last, if the stars shining above were any indicator.

Frowning, she stared at that single unfamiliar star, wondering why its light seemed so very familiar. A name felt as though it were on the tip of her tongue, but it was irrevocably stuck there as she tried to eat her sorrows away. It didn't work. She probably didn't even deserve to eat, especially that made by the hands of elves. Yet still she did. Bowl finished with, she set it back where it had been, bitter tears biting at her eyes. Oh the events of earlier in the day had to have ruined everything. She couldn't get attached. Of course not, the voice whispered to her then, reminding her of its nefarious presence. You don't deserve him.

Glorfindel didn't deserve her and her numerous sins. He deserved someone good, like he was. She was everything evil and wrong, and she needed to vanish from that place. From the world entirely more like, the voice whispered, and Sakura shrank in on herself. What had she been thinking, trying to hide herself away in his arms? He wasn't hers to have. He never would be. So what flight of deluded madness had made her burying her head and weep into him? "Stupid," she muttered, the word choking in her throat. She was so very stupid. But she supposed that was what soulmates did to one another.

Whoever had paired them together, higher power or no, had to have been mistaken. She couldn't be a good soulmate. That was something she would never be. Her knees came up then, and she hugged them to her chest, hating the tears already trailing tracks down her cheeks. He deserved so much better. But then again, he had viewed her as something to be overcome. Because that's what monsters of scale and fang were to heroes of gold and summer. Something to be overcome and defeated on the way to finding a happy ending. He would overcome her, or so Sakura hoped, and maybe then he could find someone...

Sakura didn't quite know why that thought hurt her heart so. She didn't want a relationship like the ones soulmates had with anyone. A smile curved at her lips, trembling and oh so very fake. Liar, the voice whispered, and Sakura could only bury her face in her knees and hate herself and her oh so very contradictory nature so. It was so very weak of her. If she wasn't as pathetic and cowardly as she was, then she would have explained herself to her soulmate and then given him the blade needed to slice her throat open and end her life. The thought of doing that made her feel like something was shrivelling up and dying inside. But how else was she supposed to face the consequences of her actions, other than death?

But what would come after death? Sakura shivered at the thought of returning to the Elemental Nations – of that pale white hand chirping and crackling as it ploughed through her chest. And what would happen after she died once more in the Elemental Nations? Her throat felt so terribly dry, and she scrambled for the glass of water left by some kind and thoughtful elf no doubt. So much kinder and thoughtful than herself. But then what could one expect of a dragon? Kindness wasn't in her nature, but cruelty was, and she could be so very cruel. Like with how she was tormenting her soulmate so by pretending to be friends with him. By pretending to be a harmless human. By pretending to be a good person rather than the vile evil being she truly was.