BULLETS | JEMILY

the lake

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Why darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.

Ernest Hemmingway - A Farewell to Arms

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The plane ride back is unnaturally silent. JJ's fallen asleep with headphones in, Morgan and Reid are playing a card game, and Hotch and Dave are reading case files. I can't believe I blurted it out loud. What on earth was I thinking? JJ said yes, but the rest of the team heard us and now things are about to get super awkward. I start wondering if I can request a transfer from the unit before things get too out of hand. A hand touches my leg and I look up to see that JJ's woken up. She's holding two mugs and I take one with a smile. "Hey." "You know,  I've never been asked out in front of the whole team before." She jokes with a wide smile. I can't help but smile too. She's just so bubbly, smiling is contagious. "Shut it, JJ. God, I'm so embarrassed." I know I'm blushing, and she's loving it. "Don't be. If anyone uses it against you, I have all the secrets." She whispers. I give her a look of surprise. "You do, do you?" She nods and sips her coffee slowly. "All of them." She adds. "Right, well, whenever you feel like sharing some, I'm all ears." "I'll save it for the right time. Now, about this date, isn't it my turn to take you out?" I look around, but either they didn't hear her, or the team has just decided to stay out of it, much to my relief. "Not a chance." She pouts and bats her eyelids. "Please? I have the perfect idea already. You'd love it." She's so adorable when she's excited, she almost spills her drink. I reach out to take the mug from her hand and our fingers brush past each other. For a moment, time stands completely still and I ignore everyone around us. Her eyes are so blue and magnetic and wonderful. And then the moment is gone, she coughs slightly and takes a sip. We don't mention that moment again. I'm not even sure it was a moment.

We chat casually for the rest of the ride and then I remember that she doesn't have her car. I offer to drive her home and she climbs into the passenger seat. "How's your leg, by the way? You did pretty well for no crutches." "Thanks. You know, it wasn't so much the leg as the whole of my lower body. I hate sitting down for ages." I laugh and pat her thigh. "Patience, my dear." "Oh yeah, like you know about patience." I pretend to look offended and we both just burst into laughter. Everything about this feels so right, like it was just meant to be. "I'm glad that we were on the case, though, Em. I was getting restless at home by myself." She sighs thoughtfully, I'm not sure how to respond to that. What comes out my mouth is not what I was expecting to say. "Well, you can stay with me if you'd like? I mean, my apartment is way too big for just one person." I offer. I bite my lip nervously as soon as it slips out, but JJ seems delighted. "Really? You sure?" "Of course, why not? We get on so well, and both of our places are too big to be living alone in. The more the merrier, I always say." "Great, yes that sounds amazing." She answers with genuine excitement. The butterflies grow inside my stomach as I pull up outside her house. "I mean, you don't have to right away..." "Wait here." She says and disappears into her house. Five minutes later, she returns with two duffel bags and a satchel. "I'm ready." She smiles and climbs into my car. "Is that everything?" "Are you surprised?" She laughs. "I mean, I expected you to have more stuff than that, and to take longer." I admit, not bothering to hide my amazement. "I'm fast, you see, Em. You'd be amazed at what I can fit into these bags." She adds as I drive to my apartment.

It's a short ride and as soon as we arrive, I insist on taking JJ's bags inside. "You are still the guest, JJ. I will not have you do all the work." "Such a gentleman." She giggles and follows me inside. I type in the alarm code, dump her bags on the floor and then take her in my arms. I've been waiting for this moment for so long. Her blue eyes are gazing expectantly into mine and I know that it's time. "Em, I..." She starts to say but I cut her off with a kiss. Her lips are soft and sweet with the faint taste of vanilla. I don't want to think about it, but I realise that she's kissing me back. It's tentative to begin with, but I can feel the passion in the kiss and pull her body closer to mine. Her fingers trace my cheek bones as we slowly pull apart. I have no words, and neither does she, but one thing I am certain of is that I love that woman. Every single part of her. "Let's go out." She says, breaking the silence. "Really? Now?" I check the time, it's pretty late. "Come on, there must be something open. Plus, I want to show you my favourite spot." She grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. "Fine, only because I love you." 

As soon as I say it, we both stand still. I can't believe it, I just let those words slip. I haven't felt like this in a very long time, and I certainly haven't ever said those words to anyone. "Jayje, I..." "It's okay, Em, I love you too." She plants a gentle kiss on my forehead and continues to pull me out of my apartment. This time, she takes the wheel and pushes me towards the passenger seat. "It's my car, Jayje." I laugh. "But it's my surprise, so you're not allowed to know where we're going." I roll my eyes and she gives me a playful punch. "You'll love it, just wait and see." As she drives she turns on the radio and starts humming along. Soon enough, she breaks out into singing and I smile at how angelic her voice is. She catches me staring and blushes. "You're so cute when you blush." I say, making her cheeks turn even darker. "Stop it, Em." She giggles  but it's true, she is adorable. "Are we there yet?" She sighs. "You're one of those people, aren't you? No, we're not there, I'll let you know when we are." I pout with sad eyes and she does her best to ignore it. "No, Em, I'm not spilling." She says firmly but I can see she's ready to crack. Fortunately for her, it's time to stop and she pulls into an empty parking lot, surrounded by trees. "Where are we?" I ask as we get out. "Follow me." She takes my hand and leads me down a path into the thick trees. The sky is illuminated by the moon and we reach a lake with benches around it. "Do you like it?" She asks as she sits down. I take a look around and gasp at how beautiful it is. "Wow, Jayje, it's amazing."

The moonlight reflects off the lake, lighting up the water, and the fireflies dance in the still night air. It's so calm and peaceful, there's not a sound to be heard in the whole forest. "I had no idea something like this existed here." I say. She squeezes me hand and smiles wistfully. "What is it?" She takes a breath and faces the lake. "I was going to take Will here for one of our dates. I discovered it by chance a few years ago when I couldn't sleep, and it was just so breath-taking. But when we got to know each other better, well, let's just say he wasn't the nature type. I mean, I grew up on a farm in rural Pennsylvania, but he's from New Orleans. We did fall in love, once, but that spark just slowly fizzled out. You know, sometimes I think that we lasted so long because I was hardly there. There wasn't enough time to actually have a proper conversation. I shouldn't really be that angry at his affair, what else should I expect when I travel so much?" Her voice just sounds so sad, it's heart-breaking to listen to. "JJ, none of it was your fault, alright? He doesn't deserve anyone half the person you are, you are amazing and compassionate, and you dedicate your life to saving others and catching killers and that is amazing. Nobody else can do your job as well as you do, and anyone remotely worthy should see how much it means to you, and not take you for granted in any way." A single tear rolls down her cheek and I pull her into my chest to hug her. I can feel her heart pumping and I hold my palm against her chest to try and calm her down.

"You're the only person who actually understands me as me, and doesn't expect anything more or less from me." She sighs. I still don't let go of her. "I wouldn't want you to change a single thing, you are perfect to me." I confirm. "You're perfect too, Em. I mean it." My heart leaps in my chest and the butterflies return. I just want to hold on to this moment for ever and not let go, but I also feel her getting cold as the night progresses. "JJ, as much as I love this, you're starting to freeze." I drape my jacket over her shoulders as we walk back to the car, hand in hand. I don't want to ever let go but I do have to drive back. Her head slides towards the window and she drifts off to sleep so I do my best to drive carefully and not wake her. We stop at a red light and as the moon shines in through the window, her hair falls over her face at exactly the right moment, making it shimmer. As I watch her, she looks like an angel. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a beautiful woman in my life. I only hope that it will last forever. When I pull up outside my apartment, I somehow manage to slide the sleeping blonde into my arms and stagger up the steps. I carry her into my apartment and lay her softly on top of the bed. She starts to moan in her sleep but I stroke her hair and gently position her on her right side. I lie beside her and fall asleep to the rhythm of her beating heart. It's just perfect.