BULLETS | JEMILY

bowling

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"Love seeketh not itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care; But for another gives its ease, And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair."

William Blake - The Clod and the Pebble

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{JENNIFER}

Emily didn't want to believe that we were over. I guess in my head, after being on my own for two weeks, it didn't feel right to just ignore her like that. She means well, I know she does, but I always worry that something like this is going to happen again and she's going to get hurt.

"JJ?" I jump. I totally forgot that she was still here. She spent the whole morning cleaning my house and is now holding two hot mugs of coffee. "Here, you look like you could use one." She says as she sits down beside me. I haven't actually moved since our conversation. "Thank you." I take a sip and let the burning liquid run down my throat. Emily's watching me closely but I definitely feel more relaxed than usual. Possibly because she's around. "JJ, why didn't you ever talk to someone about this?" She asks me. Here we go... "I don't know. It just seemed easier pretending that nothing had happened, I guess. Forgetting that all of this stuff in my life wasn't real." "This isn't something you can just sweep under the rug, JJ. This is serious, this is dangerous. God, JJ, you could have killed yourself." 

I burst into tears because I know she's right. I know I was stupid and I made a massive mistake and there's nothing I can do about it. "I'm so sorry, Emily. I didn't think." I cry into her arms. I'm surprised that I haven't run out of tears yet, I've cried so much these past few weeks. "Shh, no JJ you thought too much. Just relax and be in the moment. I'm here, we can get through this." 

"Emily, why do you put up with all of this? Nobody else does." I say with a sad voice. It's true, she's the only person that has honestly been there with me the whole time. "Don't be silly, JJ, I wouldn't do it any other way. I love you and I'm not putting up with anything. We're a team and we do everything together. You're not a burden in any way, shape or form, okay?" I nod obediently under her watchful eyes.

"Great. Now, I think we should go out." She says. She pulls the coffee cup from my hand and lifts me up. "Where?" "Anywhere. But you should probably shower first." She adds with a wink. I think for a second and bite my lower lip. "Well in that case, maybe you should come with me." She follows me immediately.

As nice as it is to feel the hot water flowing over my skin, it's even better to feel Emily's touch once again. She massages my scalp gently, taking care not to hurt too much because it's still sore, and finishes with a kiss. I then brush her hair whilst she chooses my outfit. This feels so right, it's just like it used to be: the two of us without a care in the world.

Once dressed, Emily grabs my keys. "Emily, I want to drive." I pout but she laughs and opens the passenger door for me. "Not a chance. I'm driving, no arguments." She's hot when she's bossy. I hold my hands up. "Alright, alright, you can drive. Just don't crash my car, alright?" "I won't. I promise." She chuckles with a sparkle in her eye. She starts driving but doesn't tell me where we're going. It's going to drive me crazy. "Emily, where are you taking me?" I ask her over and over but she doesn't tell me. "Nope, it's a surprise." "I don't like surprises." She gives me a quick prod. "Don't be silly, you love them." There's no fooling her. 

It's a long drive but the time flies by, probably because Emily's with me. She finally pulls up and grins at me. "Emily?" I look confused but laugh out loud when I see where we are. "Really? A bowling alley?" "Hey, you said that you didn't have any bowling alleys in Pennsylvania." She replies. "So I'm going to be really bad." I moan but still giggle. "All the more reason so I can win." She winks and climbs out of the car. I guess we're really doing this.

Emily drags me inside and we get set up at a lane. It's not too busy, which is a huge relief so no one can laugh at me trying to bowl. "Right, how many times have you actually been bowling?" Emily asks. I don't want her to laugh at the answer. "Uh, none?" I reply, shying away. Her jaw drops. "You're kidding, none?" "Well, I did go to an alley once with some friends a long time ago, but I just came along for the food. I didn't actually bowl." She just smiles and shakes her head. "Well then I'm taking your bowling virginity. Come on, I'll teach you." I sigh and stand next to her by the lane. She hands me a bowling ball which is pretty heavy and shows me how to hold it. Her fingers brush over mine lightly as she adjusts my grip. It takes a lot of concentration to keep holding the ball whilst my skin tingles at her touch. Her hands move down to my waist as she adjusts my stance so that I'm slightly side on. I don't want her to let go. "Okay, so just slowly swing back and then when it feels right, just let it go. Momentum will keep it rolling, as long as you give it a good go." She says, taking a step away. I nod and breathe out. One step forward, I bring my arm forward and let go just as it starts to feel heavy and wait for the ball to roll down the lane. Emily stands next to me again, watching the ball roll. 

All of the pins fall down. The ball hits the centre pin and then they all fall. It's a miracle. "Oh my god, JJ, you're a natural." Emily shouts. I can't quite believe that it just happened. "It was just luck." I shrug, but I am secretly delighted that I didn't just embarrass myself. "Nah, you're going to be really good. I just know it." She says and steps up to  take her turn.

It actually turns out to be quite evenly matched. It turns out that I'm not bad at bowling. I don't know why I never did it before, to be honest. "JJ, how are you so good at this already?" She exclaims as I hit yet another strike. "Must be the teacher." I compliment with a wink. "Definitely." She responds and then we both start laughing. It feels so nice to be laughing and joking with Emily again. I was an idiot to think for a second that she didn't want to be with me. 

Our fingers brush against each other as we both try to pick up the same ball. We look up and our eyes meet and it just feels so right. Our lips connect and I close my eyes and let all of my emotion surge inside. Everything I have felt is nothing compared to how I feel right in this moment.