Secrets , Love and Betrayal

Too many bad thoughts

I had moved back in with my dad because there was just to much tension in the air at my mum's and she was far to preoccupied with Adam. Adam seemed OK i guess he was a little up himself and vain and my mum said that she had always hated men who were up them selves and vain.

Nixon had been great , he hadn't said one mean thing or tried anything. But today i was going to visit Dylan and i was nervous , i don't know why i think it might be to do with the fact that i was going to tell him about Nixon and how i was no longer angry at him. I don't think that Dylan will take it very well , it is because of Nixon that he is in prison , but he only has another month and he is out and when theat day comes it will be the best day of my like , depending on how it goes today.

I walked to the prison because it wasn't that far and plus , i need the fresh air , i had to try and clear my head before i spoke to Dylan.

When i arrived i had to go through the usual procedure of being searched for Drugs , alcohol or any weapons that could be considered dangerous (E.G Guns , Knifes  Pen knifes and so on).

After all that they allowed us all in to the small room where i saw Dylan sat where he normally did , when he saw me walking towards him he stood up , when i reached him he wrapped his now much stronger arms due to working out in the prison gym everyday around me pulling me extremely close to him , he pulled away a little planting a kiss on my lips turning it in to a slight songfest , but we soon pulled away from each other when one of the guard coughed signalling for us to stop.

Both of us sat down on the cheap red plastic chairs that were in the room, i was sat opposite Dylan , he put my hands in his squeezing them every now and then , we just sat there for a while staring at each other , i had missed the way his bright blue eyes ,glistened when the light hit them , they way his now over grown but still very sexy bad boy looking hair falls on to his forehead and on to is neck and the way his soft pale pink lips twitch slightly when he's nervous and the dimples he gets when he smiles. I just miss everything about him , the way he used to snuggle up to me every night until i fell to sleep , the way he never pressured me into having sex with him or doing anything i didn't want to do , i just miss his touch.

"You've lost weight" He sounded tougher , i didn't like it though ,i liked his old voice the soft but still manly one.  "Errrm yeah just a little , but you've gain a bit of muscle haven't you?"

"Yeah , well i guess that's what you get when you go down to the gym everyday for 3 or maybe 4 hours at a time" He seemed so distanced , like he didn't want me to be here or like he was bored of the conversation.

"What's wrong Dylan? , you seem different",  "Nothing just you know being  in prison kind of dampens my mood and have you heard anything of Nixon?"

"Errm well yes... I am living with my dad again because it's just too awkward at my mums and i don't like it there" As i was saying this a scowl was making it's way on to Dylan's face , i could see that he didn't like me being in the same house as Nixon.

"What , are you stupid Skylar?"  , "No Dylan i'm not stupid and Nixon isn't going to do anything , that is kind of what i wanted to talk to you about, Me and Nixon are OK now , i've been staying at my dad for a week and he has been great , he hasn't done anything wrong and he is sorry for what he did"

"Your too nice Skylar , you let people walk all over you , that's why you got raped , you could of pushed Nixon away but instead you let him rape you , your just as much to blame as he is , you could of stopped him , as soon as someone says sorry to you , you forgive them instantly ,but if you were stronger they wouldn't hurt you , no one would mess with you , if your were stronger Nixon wouldn't of done what he did"

My mouth was wide open , how could he even think anything like that , he was saying that i just let Nixon rape me , I started to cry the tears wouldn't stop , i wiped the tears away and looked at Dylan.

"How dare you think that , i forgave him because i couldn't be bothered to live more of my life in fear that Nixon was going to hurt you , i did it for you and , Yeah maybe i do let people walk all over me but that is because i trust people to much , it's just the person i am and i can't change that"

"Skylar , i think that we should break up"

"Why?" My heart was beating fast , threatening to rip through my chest , even though i was mad at Dylan , i still loved him , i would love him no matter what.

"Because , i can't handle seeing you act like nothing has happened like he hasn't hurt you" , "Please Dylan don't , I love you , I love you with all my heart please don't break up with ,me , we are stronger than this , please don't let him tear us apart".

"He isn't tearing us apart Skylar , you are , your the one who has forgave him , your the one letting him back in to your life and letting him walk all over you , soon enough you will be getting all cosy with him , just simply sitting on the sofa watching a film when he moves closer to you and you start to snuggle with him then one thing leads to another and you end up in bed with him , forgetting all about me while i am in here rotting away and the thing is when you are shagging him you won't even be thinking of me will you?"

"What , why are you being like this Dylan? , ever since you've been put in here you have changed , for the worst , what happened to the Dylan i fell in love with , the Dylan that i spent my whole childhood with?"

"He's grown up and seen the truth , you don't really love me do you Skylar , you just think you do , but in actual fact you don't and your in love with Nixon" His words were harsh and full of anger.

"No Dylan , i don't love Nixon i never have , I have always loved you , i love you so much and no matter what you do i will always love you" Right then i broke down in front of him , i felt like my life wasn't even worth living , my maybe ex boyfriend , hate's me , my mum dosen't want me anymore.

"Skylar , i'm sorry , i'm just scared that , you will leave me for him , i'm jealous that he get's to spend time with you and i can't because i'm stuck in here"

"Dylan , you don't have to worry , i love you so much and i would never ever choose anyone else over you , and i promise when you get out we can spend every minute together"

"Yeah and we can have lots of fun if you get what i mean"  , "Yes Dylan i do get what you mean , but i have to go now because visiting time is over but i promise i will never love Nixon"

He gave me the biggest smile i had seen on his face in a while , he pulled me in to another bone crushing his hug and kissed me passionately , we pulled apart and he  winked at me i smiled and walked away  from him . I just wanted to go home and sleep until Dylan came home , i had to many emotions running through my body and too many thoughts in my head that i didn't like.