Last chance

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Becky
Moving back to Seth's felt strange, it didn't feel right...it didn't feel right knowing I was still ill, still damaged. God I hate myself so much, I did this to myself, I ruined myself. People, doctors, everyone keeps telling me that everything will be okay, that I'll be okay but I just don't think they understand, my world will never be sunshine and rainbows because every time I even have a glimmer of hope that my drugs nightmare will be over, something bad happens and I'm put straight back into the eye of the storm.

I just want to be happy, happy with Colby and Millie just happy. Is that really too much to ask for? Everyone else seems to be so happy and maybe I just don't deserve to be, maybe I'll never ever be happy and my life will constantly be like a black hole, with me being the black hole and destroying everything around me. I've caused trouble all my life, I've caused pain all my life...what if that means I'll never be granted the opportunity to be properly happy?

I haven't told Colby about this because I know what he'll say Of course you deserve to be happy, you're incredible!' But I just can't help but think that I don't deserve it, it's my fault my dad is dead, I abandoned my daughter and I've hurt Colby so many times. I just destroy all happiness...and I don't want to do this again with Colby, I can't hurt him again but I'm just so scared that I will. I know I should talk to him but I'm just scared...what a coward I must be.

Colby
I'm carrying a box of Becky's stuff upstairs when I see her unfolding her leather jacket, she hasn't worn it in months...I almost don't want her to wear it again, it just reminds me of when she was on drugs, when she almost killed herself, just that leather jacket brings back too many painful memories. She has a pained expression on her face as she pulled a needle out of one of the pockets. I could see the hesitation on her face as she gripped the needle, I almost didn't want to step in but I had no choice as she started to roll up her sleeve.

"Becky no!" She froze and dropped the needle to the floor, when she realised what she was about to do she stared to shake. "C-Colby...I-I.......I-I'm s-sorry..." Soon she had tears cascading down her face as she looked between me and the needle on the floor. "It's okay, it's okay. I'll just get rid of it, it's fine." I put down the box I was holding and I swiped the needle off the floor. I ran downstairs and I put it in my bag, I'll take it to a bin far away from here...but first I need to talk to Becky.

I walked back in and she was still frozen in that position, it made me hurt seeing her like that but the thing that hurt me more was the fact that I don't know if I can trust her? I should be able to trust her, but I can't. She just almost took drugs knowing full well it could kill her instantly.

"Becky just why?" She shook her head and tried to wipe away the heavy stream of tears. I took a step forward and I got down on my knees in front of her, I took her shaking hands in mine and got her to look into my eyes. "Becky...please stop crying. It's okay, you didn't take the drugs. Please just tell me why? I'm not mad I promise."

"I'm hurting, I'm hurting Seth. Why do I feel like this? I thought I was strong enough to be able to find drugs and get rid of them, I thought that I would be okay? But I found a needle and I almost took it...I almost took drugs again after everything I've been through. I knew I shouldn't but I just couldn't help it, I'm sorry..."

I pulled her close to me and I just wrapped my arms around her, I don't know why she feels like this? I wish I could take that pain away, I wish I could stop her need for drugs...I wish I could do more to help but I can't, all I have to do is be here to protect her from herself and that...that kills me. Her main enemy is herself and if I'm not here I can't protect her, if I wasn't here just now she probably would've taken that needle and that hurts more than any insult, or any heartbreak. That truly kills me.

"I don't know what to say Becky...I really don't because I know you don't want my pity or my lies, I want to help but I can't...the only way for you to get better is time and it seems to be running out."

"Seth I don't think I can do this...I don't think I'm strong enough."

The defeat in her voice was crushing, but it sparked something inside of me, in all of this crazy madness the one thing I do know is that Becky can do this...she can't give up now when we're so close to the finishing line.

"Yes you are, please Becky I'm begging you don't start doubting yourself, you can do this, I know you can and so do you. Don't give up, we've got so far, you've got so far. You're so strong and this isn't a lie, you can do this...I know you can. You've got one last chance at this Becky, I'm begging you not to waste it."