Becky
My cheeks start to itch as yet another round of tears start to dry, I feel so burnt out. I can't even stand, I throw my head back and look at the ceiling, I subconsciously start to trace my fingers over every scar on my arm. I start to count each one, I feel disgusted to find out that I have 17 scars on my arms...what's Millie going to think with a mother like me, is her life going to go off the rails because of me. I don't want to be responsible for that, I don't want her to not have a future because she has a junkie of a mother.
"Becky...how are you doing kid?"
"Not too great...I need to go."
"Becky I can't let you out and you know that, I just want you to get better. If Lacey, my girlfriend hadn't done this to me I would still be on the crack. You're still young and you can still have a good life, please kid I don't want to do this but you gave me no choice."
"Please...my daughter. I need to see her."
"Your daughter?"
"Her names Millie, I had her a few years back."
"You had a child at 15?"
"I had no choice, my step-dad he...uh...raped me."
I could hear my own voice breaking as I spoke, I hate being this vulnerable. I wish to just be the badass everyone thinks I am, I watch the door open and I see Alex he looks broken.
"Kid, I'm so sorry that he did that to you...I wish you'd told me straight away and I would've taken care of him."
"That's why I didn't tell you, I couldn't have you going to jail for me..."
"Is that why you disappeared? I just thought you found a dealer with better prices, It never even crossed my mind that you could've been pregnant."
"He didn't let me leave the house during the entire time, the only one time he let me out as when I was in labour. I didn't tell him that I was of course, I just told him I needed a walk. I wanted to spend some precious time with my baby before he came and took her, I made so many mistakes back then that I want to put behind me. I really do want to be clean but I just don't think locking me in that room is going to help. I need Seth and I need Millie, please..."
"Kid just know this...you've been in there a week, that means you've been clean for a week. You've got responsibilities now, please don't go back to the drugs. If you feel the urge to inject talk to me, ring me or whatever, you're like a daughter to me and it hurts seeing you hurt. So please hold on a little longer and don't go back to the drugs..."
He had tears in his eyes as he spoke, I never really thought he would view me as his daughter, I guess he's always been a father figure to me...people actually care about me and it hurts them when I hurt myself. I don't mean to hurt anyone but clearly I do, I need to stop or I'll end up ruining everyone I love and I really don't want to do that. I love my friend's as if they're my family, I've never really had any real family except for my dad. When I go home I just need to have an honest chat with everyone, especially Seth...I've hurt him the most and I just hope he'll forgive me.
"Come on kid, let's take you home."Seth
I sit in my living room the words of my mother still replaying my head, days after she's said them. Everyone's come round to check on me and they've all asked the same question, where's Becky? I wish I knew, I've been sneaking out of the house late at night and just walking around trying to find her until I'm too exhausted to go on. I just want her to come home, I hear a car door slam followed by a knock on my door. I gingerly stand up and over to the door, I hesitantly go to open the door when another knock echoes through my building site of a house. I swing the door open and see Becky, she opens her mouth to say something but I just engulf her in a hug.
"I'm so sorry Becky, I really am..."
"I'm sorry too Rollins~"
We stand in silence in each other's arms, the week without Becky by my side has been tough...I just haven't had my usual confidence and I let the boys push me around like I was nothing, I felt like nothing. I could've not only gotten myself killed but Becky too the other day, she didn't tell me because she was scared I'd go off like a bomb and I did, I thought that was maybe why she left because she was mad but now I realise it was something else.
"I've missed you Rollins, but we really need to talk. There's some things we both need to say, I need to be honest with you which is something I'm not usually. I like to keep my walls up because it makes me feel safe but Seth...I've got to let you in."
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Last chance
Fanfiction"This is my last chance Seth, this is it." . . . . . Started: 11/10/20 Finished: 3/3/21 Word count: 45,979 WARNINGS: I wrote this book during a pretty stressful thing, also known as a global pandemic. So if you don't like emotional rollercoasters t...