Last chance

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Becky
I woke up first, Seth was still fast asleep; arms wrapped firmly around my waist, where they should be. I propped myself up on my elbow, just admiring Seth's beauty as the sunlight poured into the room, illuminating the angel that lay before me.

"Missed you just staring at me..." He spoke sleepily, eyes opening just slightly. "Hey! You were the one who used to do all the watching." He tore his arms away from my waist to rub the sleep out of his creased features. "How'd you sleep?" Seth asked, pulling the duvet over his shoulders as he sat up in bed. "Good, better than I have in a long while, think it was you...you make me feel safe even after so long." He grinned, looking away for a second while a light pink blush coated his cheeks. "Glad I could be of service, my lady."

"Knock knock, it's just me." Sasha stepped in our room, her hair tied up in a messy bun, a sight I'm used to seeing after living with her for so long. "Morning Sash, Millie didn't keep you up?" She shook her head, making her way across to sit on the end of our bed. "She was good as gold. Nice to see you two cosy, how was your night." Sasha inquired, clearly looking for more interesting answer than the one I'm about to give. "I fell asleep on the sofa, Seth carried me to bed and then boom here we are."

"So you didn't talk to him?" She whispered, but by the fact Seth was smiling like an idiot I knew he heard her. "Firstly he's not deaf and secondly, I was too tired last night and I was about to before you came in. So do me a favour Sash and make Millie breakfast please." She rolled her eyes, knowing how difficult Millie can be when it comes to her breakfast. "Fine, but we apply for the tryout after." I nodded and Sasha jumped off the bed, a knowing smile appearing on her face as she winked at me.

"So Becky, I'll let you start." Seth cleared his throat and I turned my body to face him, my hands starting to fidget with the loose strings of my clothes. "Being back here brings back a lot, opens up a part of me that I've locked away for so many years. Being back here reminds me of everything that used to be here, brings back all the triggers and urges. It makes me need something to take the edge off." I took a deep shaky breath, my hands trembling as I played with the hem of my shirt. "I'm sorry, I wish this place was better for you. I wish it wasn't so hard to be back here for you because I love it when you're here..." Seth spoke with a sincerity that made it feel like he was healing my broken heart.

"Maybe we could find someplace new, together?" My head snapped up at that idea, a smile appearing briefly on my lips. "Yeah, fresh start for the both of us. I'm going to do this Seth, I'm going to work through my problems and I promise I'm not going to leave ever again, unless it's with you." Seth reached out to cup my face with his hand, to which I instinctively leaned into his warm touch.

"I love you Becky."

"I love you too Seth, you're my everything."

*

3 weeks later...
"You've experienced a lot of trauma and Rebecca you've been here before, you know how this works. Please just tell me what happened from your point of view, take as much time as you need."

"You want me to talk about that day, the day I lost my friends...I-I don't think I can.'

"You'll never recover if you can't talk about it, it's an important step in your recovery Rebecca."

"It was three years ago and I still can't even think about it...I tried so hard to save her but I-I couldn't."

"Have you visited their graves?"

"Yeah, I've spent the most at Charlottes...god I wish I could've done something more- I wish I could've saved her."

"Rebecca, you're avoiding it. You need to think about it, you need to let those dark memories in or those wounds will never heal, you'll never heal."

"I don't think I'm strong enough..."

"Just try, as I said earlier you can take as much time as you need. I understand how difficult this must be for you, but you've got to try Rebecca."

"Okay...I'll try..."

The words rolled off my tongue, heart wrenching emotions over spilling as I choked out the story of how I lost my friends, how I lost myself. My therapist writing it down as if this was the first time she's got me to tell this story. She keeps telling me to dig up the most painful memories as that's the only way they'll heal, but I just wish there was an easier way to get better, that to get better I didn't have to deliberately hurt myself even more.

But I promised Seth I'd do this, I promised Seth that no matter what I wouldn't give up. It's not just Seth I owe this to but, Sasha, Millie, Charlotte, Bayley, Dean, Roman and myself. I deserve a better life and Millie deserves a better mother, so I'm going to keep going to the therapy until I don't need it anymore, until my wounds have healed.

Wrestling has also been like a second life for me, getting to play a character makes me feel so alive and I love it. With the try-outs for NXT coming up me and Sasha have been training every night, Seth's joined in too on a few occasions. Picking it up fairly quickly and by the end of the first night being able to pull off a relatively good match against Sasha. Wrestling for all three of us has been the escape from the responsibilities of being a mother, a father, a junkie, a friend, it's given us all the new world we needed.

Now I've just got to hope we all kill these try-outs because the WWE would be a game changer, my therapist thinks it would be good and I know it will be good. Wrestling is going to save my life, I suppose it already has.

Seth is going to save my life...

I am going to save my life, because I'm out of chances.