Realization (Ymir x reader)

spin the bottle

Y/N p.o.v
We gathered round on the floor , in a circle, with a empty bottle in the middle , sasha was way too excited. I could tell it in her eyes, the way she bounced around bubbly. But we haven't done this in some time, so it wasn't a bad thing. If anything it made you feel a little more at ease.

Jean went first and landed on mikasa , i could tell that he was flustered, it was obvious that he liked mikasa, the way he stares at her during eating hours. I caught him once drawing a picture of her, he wasn't nessesarly amazing at it. But it was a cute gesture.
He slowly crawled over the her, until they nosed touched, he brought his hand up to her cheek and pecked her on the lips gently, and then sat back. His face was reddening more each second. Mikasas face was unreadable.

"AWW THAT WAS ADORABLE"

"BWAHA IS THE HORSE BLUSHING NOW HUHH?!" eren joked, pointing at jeans face. He liked to taunt him alot. It gets annoying at times, but it's a funny show when times get lonely.

"OKAY OKAY NEXT MIKASA YOUR TURN" the shouting hurt my head a little from the drinking before the game, but I brushed past it.

Mikasa spined the bottle and landed on sasha, sasha got super excited and kissed her on the cheek.
Mikasa had a tinge of pink set on her face, and a little smile. It wasn't much we got to see her smile, but when she did it warmed my heart seeing her happy. On the other hand sasha had a small blush on her cheek which made my question something but before I could even get to that, ymir snapped her fingers at my face.

"Hey stop daydreaming and spin" she winked as she spoke. I didn't understand why she did it. But it didn't stop the blood rushing to my cheeks.

I quickly cover it up by spinning the bottle, I didn't even notice who it landed on because the familiar voice spoke before I could even see.

"Come on , come give me a kiss." Her voice had a hint of desperation. Like she had wanted thid for some time.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks even more, as I slowly crawled opposite to meet her face, she brought her hands and cupped my face with them, i could feel her breath on my face, strawberries mixed with alcohol. gently, I closed my eyes in embarrassment, I could feel everyone looking at me, my anxiety was rising through the roof.
I felt soft lips press against mine. It was the most amazing kiss I felt. It was gentle yet desperate for more.

"Wait y/n likes girls?"

That's when the moment hit me, I pulled back, I start to stand up slowly, my vision was blurry from the  tears  forming in my eyes. The past memories flooding back to when you were in school. Bullied. And for what? Choosing someone to love? They didnt care. They hated you. Cause you were 'different' society is cruel. But still lives. The toxicity will always find it's way to come back. It will never escape anyone. Is that what we are so afraid of? The feeling of being an outcast. 'Different'. And that was the fear that took over you. In that moment. You paniked. And

"Y/n, you okay?" ymir shouted as I speedwalked  out the room. The tred of my boots heavy and loud. As silence took over the room. My head was heavy and I was overwhelming with dizziness.

'Fuck, why did I do that.?' I feel embarrassed. The thoughts making it even worse."Running away? Pathetic."  I banged my head with my fist squeezing my eyes shut. The voices in my head, loud and clear as day.

I picked up the pace and sat outside, sat against the wall of the building, I curled my knees to my chest and layed my head on them , I heard footsteps walk towards me but I still kept my head in my knees. I was scared of who it was, I know who it was. I just embarrassed myself and I'm now going to embarrass myself again I already see it coming. This was the most embarrassing night.

"Y/n? What happend, are you okay?"
A familiar voice spoke up. Spoken with worry.
"Look up" the voice spoke again, more serious this time. it was ymirs. It was obvious we both like old eachother for some time now. Since we got here. But we both teased each other which didnt send me the message.
"Y/n look at me!" Her voice raised. I felt arms wrap around my shoulders. They tended up at the touch. I wasnt really in the mood as I just embarrassed myself in front of everyone.
"Talk to me, what's wrong?" Her voice soft trying to comfort me. Which one pissed me off more. I ran out for a reason?

"Please, leave me alone, I'm sorry for what I did, I don't like girls, I can't like them. I'm sorry. " I walked away again. This time as fast at I could, with tears streaming down my face. 'Fuck I always do this. I run away from my problems rather then solve them. "What did I do?" I hid in a corner and bring my knees to my chest hugging them tightly and guilt and sadness mixing with the embarrassment dwelling apon me.