The Seventh Sense is Love

Hesitation and Quastions

"Derek," Meredith says quietly - in case he has fallen asleep. She is cuddled into his side and swirling her fingers lightly through his chest hair.

"Hmmm?" he answers, skimming his fingers gently up her naked back.

She takes a deep breath and asks in a whisper, "Do you want children?"

He doesn't answer immediately but Meredith knows he heard the question. The moment it was out of her mouth he stopped rubbing her back and his body stiffened slightly. Feeling nervous, she sits up and says, "Never mind. I didn't really mean to ask you that. It just..."

"Hey," he says and opens his arms, "come here."

She moves back into his arms and lays her head on his chest. Derek starts twirling his fingers through the ends of her hair and replies, "It's a valid question - I just wasn't prepared for it."

"I get that. Forget it, it's really not a big deal."

"Mer, are you going to let me answer your question?"

"You really don't have to," she mumbles. "We haven't even been together six months. I shouldn't have brought up kids."

"I love you."

"What?" she giggles and feels less tense. "I know that but I love you, too."

"I want to build a life with you," he states calmly.

"Yeah, me too," she whispers.

"I don't know about children though," he states honestly.

"Oh," Meredith sighs shocked by the pain she feels in her heart at his statement.

"Mer," he says, hugging her tighter to him.

"It's okay Derek," she hugs him back, rapidly blinking to control the unexpected tears pooling in her eyes. "I don't know about children, either."

"Let me explain..."

"Really, it's okay," she interrupts and her voice cracks a little.

"It's not okay if you're upset about it Meredith."

"It is okay," she insists even though her tears are now falling. "I don't know why I'm reacting like this."

"I'm not saying I don't want them, Mer. I used to but I haven't thought about the possibility of kids in a long time."

"I never wanted children," she replies with a humorless laugh. "I'm still not sure I do but I have been thinking about the possibility."

"Mer..."

"Believe me," she continues, "I know how selfish I sound. I'm a surgeon."

"You're not being selfish..."

"Yeah right."

"Stop interrupting," Derek snaps, irritated.

"Sorry," she mumbles, getting out of bed and grabbing her clothes. "I have to go to the hospital."

"What? No you don't," Derek gets up as well. "Meredith, why are you running off?"

"I don't want to have an argument about this because it's really not a big deal," she answers aloofly.

"Obviously it is," he answers, his voice raising.

"I have to go."

"You mean you have to run away!"

Meredith goes over to him, takes his hand and whispers, "I'm not running away."

Derek squeezes her hand and asks, "Then what are you doing?"

"Calming down," she sighs. "I'm a little freaked out by my reaction right now, but I swear I'm not running away from you. I'm not running away from us."

"Okay," he answers, looking sad but letting her go. "Bye."

'Bye," she answers, tears filling her eyes again as she leaves Derek's house.
*

Meredith looks through the glass at all the tiny humans, swaddled in blankets in individual bassinettes, with little hats on their newborn heads. Some of the babies are soundly sleeping while others cry and some just look around.

"So, you still come visit the babies, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith can't help but smile at the familiar voice as she turns her head and replies, "I think it's safe for you to call me Meredith, Dr. O'Malley. How are you?"

"All right, but you have to call me George. And I'm fine, how are you?"

"Okay," she sighs. "How's private practice?"

"It's great," he grins. "It was a difficult decision to give up surgery and open a peds practice, but it turned out for the best."

"So, which one of these little sweeties is your new patient?"

"None of them."

"What? I thought Pediatricians came to the hospital to give initial check-ups to all their newly delivered patients."

'I do," he answers with a huge grin, "but see that little girl right there on the end?"

Meredith looks at a tiny infant with a pink stocking cap and answers, "Yes."

"She's mine," George says with pride in his voice. "Her name is Shannon Marlene O'Malley and my wife delivered her yesterday."

"That's a seriously Irish name," Meredith giggles.

"Yeah, it is," George laughs, "but what do you expect when my wife and I are both from Irish-Catholic families?"

Meredith smiles and says, "Congratulations George - on your marriage and your beautiful daughter."

"Thank you," he replies simply. "What about you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Marriage? Children?"

"Oh," she sighs and turns to look at the babies again as her heart lurches painfully. "I have a boyfriend that I love and I can see myself marrying. As for children," she chews her lip for a moment and continues, "well... I don't know."

"Meredith?" George says gently, touching her arm.

"Yeah?"

"You've obviously changed."

"What?"

"When I worked here - except for looking at the babies - you were not at all receptive to anything resembling personal interaction. This conversation is the only personal one - and the longest one - we've ever had."

"Yeah," she sighs. "People change."

"That's my point," he states. "Don't rule out children with your boyfriend. There's nothing in the world like seeing your child for the first time."

George's words feel like a douse of cold water in the face to Meredith. Oh God, she thinks, how could I be so stupid?

"Thank you, George," she says and squeezes his shoulder quickly. "I have to go, but congratulations again."

"It was good to see you, Meredith."

"You too," she answers and turns to leave the hospital as George goes into the nursery to get his baby girl.