DEAD ASS LOVE! (Deadpool x Reader)(EDITING)

Bond.

                                                                                     Deadpool's POV

I was sitting on the kitchen floor waiting for Weasel to inform me about a bounty yet nothing came. I'm incredibly bored and there's honestly nothing to do, I wonder if Cartoon Network is on anyway, I got up and went to the couch as I grab the remote and turn the tv on. It blasted on full volume making me jump and tried turning it down. The remote wasn't working and I didn't feel like getting yelled at by a grumpy woman who sleeps too much, I panic and throw the remote forcefully at the tv making it shut off. I sigh and chuckle to myself, SOmetimes i can be such a dumbass.. I was about to get up until I heard a small cracking noise of a box, I raise a brow and look under the couch. My eyes sparkled seeing the box of cookies she tried hiding from me, I deserve at least one I mean I am such a great roommate! I grab the box of cookies and slowly ate one but realized I broke the pinky promise. I shrug, Eh it'll be fine as long as she doesn't find me eating these then it'll be okay! Like what she gonna do? Fight me?! I'm too awesome for that bullshit anyway. I lay back on the couch and continued to eat the cookies while slowly falling asleep as well. I know ill be fucked when she walks out of the room but ill be fine~ These cookies are actually amazing! no wonder she hid them from me. As soon as I fell asleep I felt a harsh item slam into my face, I screamed and Got my pistol from under the couch pointing it where ever the item was thrown. I then open my eyes to see Y/N Putting her hands on her waist, I put down the pistol from the aim as she stared at the empty box of cookies That I ate. "Uh oh.." She ran towards me attempting to grab me but I got up too soon so she fell on the couch making her growl. I then run to the bathroom and slam the door out of panic, Okay Wade Y/N can actually be scary sometimes but all I need to do is wait till she calms down. I lock the bathroom door while Y/N banged on it. "YOU BROKE THE PINKY PROMISE ASSHOLE!! OPEN THE DOOR" She said while yelling, I start to chuckle, I sat down on the floor behind the door waiting till she is done with her yelling. I heard scrapes of something sharp under me, I look at the edge of the door to see a kitchen knife swiping back in forth. "Y/N IM SORRY LOOK ILL BUY YOU SOME MORE OKAY!!" I yelled while trying to kick the knife away. "PROMISE?" She said with a harsh tone,  Damn this woman is very feisty - My type too!~ I said jokingly to myself. I then slowly unlock the door to see Y/N with her arms crossed. "Okay okay- I promise geez.." I said while looking back at her, She huffed. I soon got a notification and saw that it was Weasel, "Hey come by the bar I mean there are no bounties but I'm bored plus there is some dickhead who keeps insulting me" I then sigh and put the katanas on my back and adjust my mask. Y/N was sitting on the couch going through her phone. I assume she didn't have work since she has been in her casual clothes all day, "Wanna come to where I work my friend weasel is offering some drinks to us, actually nevermind it isn't even a request cmon." I said happily making her roll her eyes, "I don't really drink but do they have lemonade?" she asked quietly. "Uhmm Not sure but let's find out now cmon!!" I said while dragging her by her arm. Soon after her complaining of how pushy I can be we finally arrive at the bar, I then open the door and closed it on purpose making Y/N bump her face into it. I laughed to myself while she caught up with me.  As soon as I walk in everyone's eyes landed on Y/N since this place was just full of criminals and vigilantes, They stared due to her being all dressed nicely and not in a total suit up the type of fit. I noticed Y/N soon just hid behind me making me chuckle. I walk up to Weasel and sat on the usual chair I sit on, Y/N followed up behind me and sat on the chair next to me. Weasel looked at Y/N and then at me, "I told you not to bring in prostitute's Wade!" He said making Y/N gasp, "You fucktard, she's my friend and roommate now Weasel." She looked at me in confusion, I ordered the same drink I always get making weasel look at me in confusion as well too. "You guys stare too much geez..." I said mumbling, "Can I get a lemonade please-" She said looking at weasel making him burst out laughing, I roll my eyes feeling bad for Y/N since she doesn't know any better. "Okay, then Miss Wade's new Girlfriend." I shoot my head looking at him with an aggressive stare. I throw my glass at him barely missing his head. "OKAY SORRY-" He whimpered in fear as Y/N Giggled, He then poured lemonade that clearly had alcohol but not too much. He slid the glass towards Y/N as her feet swang back and forth since her feet didn't touch the floor. Weasel poured another glass for me while his hand shaking from my sudden movement. I then look back at Y/N looking back and forth seeing the dipshit's death glare at her. "Do you mind fuckers? You're obviously making her uncomfortable and Scared!" I said while not even looking back, The people looked away making Y/N smile nodding to me. I shrug and look back at Weasel smirking, "Don't even say it Dude ill seriously not hesitate to actually punch you-" I look at him making him nod, Y/N was still drinking her lemonade while watching the tv in the corner. "So how is she your roommate?" He suddenly asked making Y/N turn to me. "Uhh Lets- Just say The time where I fought some idiots they threw me into her apartment window and made an explosion!" I said while making a lie trying not to seem like a bad dude. "What No- You literally chose to burst into my window and make it explode!" she said while taking the straw off her mouth. Weasel burst out laughing once again, "YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF WHY THE APARTMENT BUILDING NEAR LAKEWOOD STREET THAT CRUMBLED LAST WEEK?" saying it loudly, Y/N nodded and glared at me. "I SAID I WAS SORRY IM REPAYING HER BY LETTING HER LIVE WITH ME GEEZ !!!" I scream back while putting my mask down since I finished my drink. As Weasel and I were arguing I noticed Y/N got up but bumped into some dude, "Sorry sir-" She got cut off by him huffing out of annoyance. "Next time watch where you're going, pip-squeak." He pushed her slightly making her frown, I look at Weasel and he gave me the hint that this was the dick he texted me about. I then slowly tap his shoulder making him glare at me. "First of she literally apologized and didn't mean to, Second of all You clearly look like a total bitch who has no empathy nor common sense." I stated, "What did you just say!?!" Y/N backed up and then went towards behind the bar with Weasel, Weasel made her duck down pointing out the hint that there was gonna be a lot of trouble. The man grabbed me by my throat and threw me at the wall near a table. "Okay, that's it.." I get up and started to fight with him as the dick head attempted to shoot at me I grabbed my katana and chopped of his hand making him scream in agony. I then head-bumped him making him grunt, He got up and still charged at me. where I was near the bar, I ducked and he tripped over my body making him fall over the bar counter. Y/N jumped making Weasel stare at the now knocked out corpse with no right hand, I started laughing seeing how fun that is meanwhile Y/N was drinking the lemonade out of fear. I sat back down and Weasel dragged the body out of the bar. Y/N was now sitting by me. "thank you again- I guess..." She said while seeing the hand on the floor still. "Yes yes I know I'm such an amazing person!~" I bowed as I Gave myself a tiny gift for beating his ass, I chugged the drink and a shot before looking at Weasel. "You have actually- Been different Wade your less- How can I say this... Talkative?" I tilt my head, "WHATT PSHH No I'm perfectly fine in fact I'm so normal to the point where I would actually compliment Wolverine!!" I said in a sarcastic voice as Y/N was dozing off- "Okay Okay uh I just have been thinking of some-- type of stuff that's all." I said while drinking another shot, Y/N was still drinking that lemonade when nobody told her it had alcohol. "Wade I seriously know how you are, You also literally made a bet with me remember? Who is this Anyway? You said it yourself that you won't ever get attached to anyone You dipshit." I frowned and glared at Weasel realizing Y/N was actually growing on me too. I shook my head and changed the subject,  "Speaking of Wolvy I wanted to keep his hands as A weapon since he has literal knives in his knuckles! Wouldnt that actually be cool, Using The most known grumpiest man in the world's hands as weapons would be majestic~" I said as Weasel poured Y/N another glass of lemonade, "Uhm Wade seriously You have a Love-Hate relationship with him." Weasel said while wiping down a shot glass. I chugged another bottle of Beer, "Why is She so quiet?-" She then looked at me attempting to make me speak for her while she snapped out of her daze. "I don't know Uh she probably had too much to dri-" She interrupted me, "THIS HAS ALCOHOL? I TOLD YOU I DONT DRINK WADE" She said while putting her head on the counter table. "HMM don't be mad at me! be mad at him he is the bartender after all!" I said back making weasel shrug, "this is a bar what did you expect!" Weasel put his hands up innocently. I noticed it was already 5 and Y/N was already tipsy, Poor girl She didn't even know- Eh not my problem though. I then said my goodbyes by flipping off Weasel. I got up and Y/N followed up behind me stumbling a bit, I took another shot before the alcohol kicked in making me drunk. I called a taxi and opened the car door for Y/N as she went in. I went in as well and told the directions to where our apartment was. I look over to Y/N staring out the window. I chuckle to myself feeling a bit dizzy, This inst so bad.. Y/N was actually an awesome chick and I never noticed how she treated me normally like there was nothing wrong with me. My head began to spin as I thought of the woman and her E/C eyes, We arrived and I paid the taxi driver. After all that we were laying on the living room floor together as she giggled feeling tipsy. "WHats.. your favorite Avenger?.." Her words slurred making me laugh, "Eh...probably captain shithead!" I said while looking at her, "You mean captain America?.." She giggled at the nickname I gave him. "What's yours?~" I said while she stopped thinking for a minute. "I like Black widow." She said as Our eyes crossed each others paths, "I like her because she's something I look up to!" She said with her same happy tone. "What do you mean by that? I thought you were gonna say spiderman but Blackwidow is pretty cool too! In fact, I almost met her once.." I said With a hiccup following after knowing that was a lie.. "I mean.. She's so pretty and flawless- She is very brave and she tends to just be herself. I tend to envy that since I go through my own deals too." she said with a quiet tone making me feel bad. Y/N is actually so pretty and kind and I don't know why she would ever be insecure she seems too perfect~ My mind rushed thoughts making me wonder what I was even saying. "You're pretty to me- Look at you Y/N you have a brave personality You are literally roommates with some maniac who murders people for money." I said while hiccupping again. She looked at me, "Really?" She said with a frown making me feel even worse, "Uh yeah obviously You are so creative I saw the stuff you paint in your apartment and you literally have such a cool vibe!" I informed, "Even besides that your looks are amazing and you can be whatever size or etc and I think you'll still look nice.. Your personality is actually very interesting too" I said while laughing, "You too Waaade- You are actually a pretty cool dude- And You are..Like a pretty princess!" she said making a giggle, "Yes yes I'm like the best princess ever Y/N, IN fact, I SHOULD BE IN A CASTLE RIGHT NOWW~" I said while making her laugh even more. We made jokes and laughed for a bit before Y/N fell alseep. I felt some memories rush in making me sigh. What the cock sucker said was true, I shouldn't get attached. I only did this because Colossus was on my case, in the same time I never met anyone like her and I don't want her to be in my life where she is in constant danger. Woah me I'm actually being serious right now yet still I think it is best that this should just end, Weasel already gave me the money when I walked out. Y/N deserves an actual normal life and I don't want to actually go through the same shit I had to go through of losing someone.

(sorry this was a bit bad, I'm a bit at bad at actually typing and talking in Wade's POV:( I hope you enjoyed tho!