Dark Park

Delfine's

OMG Scrubber-Towners, Stacey and I have had such a stressful day, but you'll have to wait till tomorrow to hear about it. Right now, we're busy; Stacey, Lainie and I are in the Bogan Bar drinking Raving Lunatic Cocktails. These are of course named after Wade Blade's band, but actually became famous after Lainie had been to London, got drunk and spilled the beans about the secret ingredients of Raving Lunatics to some stuck-up barman, who then made them trendy and took credit for having invented them. He made a heap of money too, but it was really our own barman Bruce who created them. Bruce was furious at Lainie for ages, but he's over it now and he and Lainie are friends again-sort of, Raving Lunatic Cocktails; RLC'S are our faves and after a few of these we'll be OK. For our parents the cup of tea (bor-ring) is the cure-all or maybe coffee; marginally better, or a beer, but for us it's RLC's. Actually, Rocket Booster Cocktails are pretty cool too. Sometimes we drink a few of both, but we're usually in bad shape the day after.

Anyway, about yesterday. It was crazy. We got up really, really early; 7am. to meet Lainie at Pinnokio's for breakfast. Stacey picked me up in her car. It was pissing down with rain, but Stace's windscreen wipers weren't working, so we crawled along like a snail and couldn't see a bloody thing. Just before we got to Scrubber-Town, we got pinged by a cop who defected Stace's car. He was such a jerk about it and you could see he enjoyed giving us a hard time. What a power-hungry maniac. He then added fifty dollars to the fine and defect notice when Stace gave him the finger. Bastard.

We had planned to have pancakes at Pinnokio's, cos they have awesome ones, but the place was over-run by Dark Park High-School kids. We hadn't realized it was the before-school breakfast hang-out. Well, we're not usually there at that time. Also there was heaps of new staff, who we recognized because they're Spite-Club girls. Some we know for a fact have just come out of Dark Park Detention Centre. Dr Una told us that the government has introduced some bright new scheme to get Dark Park Detentionees into jobs. Well, they didn't have to send them all to Pinnokio's, did they? The place was buzzing but not in a good way The manager was shouting at the new waitresses, the school kids were shouting at the waitresses and each other and the waitresses were shouting back. They seemed to have no idea what they were doing and kept stuffing-up orders, spilling drinks and were slow as a wet week.To add insult to injury, the place ran out of pancakes. We got up and left in disgust. As we left, the boys shouted out comments like:

Play truant with me hottie and Babes, be my date for the formal-like maybe all three of youse As if; they were horrible and spotty.

We still hadn't eaten, so we bought a couple of stale cup-cakes; on the cheap from the day before, each from Cup-Cake City.

We finally arrived at Delfine's Academy, which is a completely dero beauty school and Delfine is the beauty-school teacher from hell. I don't know how Stacey can think about working on celebs on telly. To me it just seems like ironing out wrinkles that are too far-gone or waxing old ladies' beards and moustaches; gross. Anyway, the place was a shambles with dirty towels ,brushes and smears on the basins. Used cotton-balls and tissues were strewn on the floor. The girls were all chattering non-stop until Delfine swept in and yelled:

Shut the hell up, bitches and start cleaning up, pronto. We've got new girls enrolling this morning and we need to make a good impression. This, Delfine gestured around the room, doesn't cut it. My god, I seem to be the only one round here who does any cleaning. Get off your fat bums now or you all miss out on lunch.

Here's our new girl, Delfine, said Stacey, pointing at Lainie.

No, not her, you silly bimbo. I mean VIP pupils. Mr Col Sidney the real estate hot-shot from Beauvais Heights is bringing his daughter and her friend to start here. Got the message?'

We heard sarcastic undercurrents of ; Ooh, we're so-oo impressed. Mr  Sidney's coming. Do you know Mr Sidney? This was followed by quiet giggling.

Shut the hell up, or I'll fail the lot of you and don't think I won't do it.

Col Sidney, Ruby-Redd and her friend Leeanne

Just then came a knock at the  door, which had been left open and there stood Col Sidney himself, suave, expensively dressed;  we can smell Beauvais Heights money a kilometre away. Next to him stood two girls about our own age. They were snooty, sulky and disdainful-looking and likewise expensively dressed. Col introduced them as his daughter Ruby-Redd Sidney and her friend, Leanne Lyons.

Delfine is so fake and she suddenly turned on the charm, such as it is, and became this welcoming, gushing and hair-flicking person, with a stupid fake plummy voice.

Girleez', she said to Rubi-Redd and Leeanne, I hope you're going to be so-oo happy here. We'll make sure of that, won't we ladeez?

Stace and I saw Leanne and Ruby-Redd snigger and nudge one another. The other girls in the room regarded them with dislike and suspicion. Lainie certainly didn't get the red-carpet treatment, in fact she was ignored, but she too wants a career as a beautician, but then once she wanted to be a Flight Attendant and look what happened there. I don't get it. Still it's her decision.

Anyway, for now we've all decided that we hate Ruby-Redd and Leanne. They're just stuck-up skanks. We also reckon that Delfine has the hots for Col Sidney and we've heard from an undisclosed source that he's newly divorced.

Luv youse all

Lacey and Stacey.xx

Hot Goss: We hear the rumours are true. Col Sidney is a real ladies' man and is currently juggling two girl-friends, maybe more. Join the queue Delfine. I wonder if he fancies dating stick insects. On the day I saw Delfine she was wearing a bright green satin dress and she's really tall and skinny. Just like a big grasshopper.

PS: Delfine has Challenge of the Month as part of her course. We reckon every day would be a challenge with her; Stace agrees. Next month the big challenge will be to do facials, make-up and hair for the Dark Park High School formal. Topsy, the hairdresser in the War Paint shop is going to help with the hair. This project will count as fifty percent of their term marks. I would hate to be Lainie or Stacey, but would so love to be a fly on their wall. Will keep you posted, so watch this space.

NB: About Col Sidney. I was looking for a picture of a suave, handsome and well-dressed gentleman, however all I could find on the site where I get my graphics was a bloke who looked like a deer in the headlights. Still, perhaps it was the sight and sound of Delfine that shocked him.